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NaBloPoMigraine

No, I don't have a migraine from all this daily posting! I looove the daily posting! I have a migraine because of the karma. The karma that said "Okay you spoiled little princess, if you are going to whine about being whisked away to a tropical island then I'll give you something real to whine about!" And when the alarm went off Thursday morning the only thing I could do was to whisper (sound sensitivity!) "pain" and that pain was in my head, which I suspect may have been filled at that very moment with hot burning lava that shifted and crashed against the inside my skull (pain!) with every attempted movement of either the head or the rest of me which is attached to the head. I took some useless pain killer. I still managed to dress myself and wake up the boys. I said ssshhhhhh a lot, and I said it very very softly. We got into the car service, it smelled like pee (phantom smells and smell sensitivity!). Then the airport smelled like rot. Then the plane smelled awfully pee like too. I managed to pass out for the bulk of the plane ride. Didn't help. But I made it there alive (and thankfully my brain did not seep through my ear holes with the pressure change as I had feared it might) and the nausea (nausea!) subsided for a few seconds so that I could take some other kind of pain killer and that painkiller brought the pain down to about 30%, which meant I could speak in a normal tone of voice again. We took the kids down to the pool for a dip and when we got back into the room I wondered out loud why everything, including the hotel room, smelled like pee and Matt suggested that I wipe the dried pee off of my upper lip. Isn't he a hoot? And then because he is even funnier than that when I pulled open the pee stinking hotel room curtains, I saw this and screamed "A rainbow! A rainbow!" and Matt, in his very best (and very convincing) Irish brogue (is that right?) said "and now those kids are going to try to steal my Lucky Charms!" or something else equally as hilarious, but I just thought that I could ignore a headache if someone or some thing was going to dish out some of these for me.

NaButWhatAboutME?

Once upon a time there was husband who thought that doing the best for his family meant giving them every THING under the sun. One day the husband asked the wife "Would you like to go on a trip?" and the wife said "No." Then the husband turned to his eldest son and asked "Would you like to go on a trip?" and the son said "No." So the husband, who wanted to go on a trip booked a trip anyway.

The night before the trip the wife, who really hates to travel, was in her usual "My plane is going to crash!" "I hate packing!" "It's still hurricane season!" "I'm gonna get MRSA from the pool!" "The plane is going to run out of fuel!" pre-travel self induced hysteria. And she realized that she hadn't posted that day. And since the wife had taken a solemn vow to post every day for the month of November she postponed her last minute packing (because why pack early when you can forgo sleep the night before leaving?) and sat down to post.
And she had nothing. Except eye daggers for the husband, who never helps with the packing and hasn't said "How are you?" to the wife for about 3 years now.

So the wife thought to herself, I need some thing to focus on, something that will bring me the peace and serenity I need to make it through the next 4 days. And she changed her screen saver, not to a kitten hanging off of a tree, not to a basket of cddly puppies, not even to a warm sandy beach somewhere she would have to hop on a plane and travel to, but to the place where her heart really longs to be.

UTOPIA

Ahhhh.

more from calamity vacation

I unpacked when we got here only to discover that I had forgotten to pack my pajamas. If there is any item that would phase me least if forgotten it is the pajamas since I only wear them until I go to sleep before slipping them off and sleeping in the nude. I hate sleeping with material wrapped around me. There was a big cheapo tank top I could have worn, but the sides are boob exposing low and it is kind of short, and I am trying to look a little more reserved in the pajama/neckline department around Matt since he is 14 and in the throws of puberty and all. My motto is "Why send them to therapy when you can just dress modest!" I figured I'd keep my clothes on til bed time but that idea was dashed with the acquisition of the kentucky fried chest, which leaves me counting the seconds til I can remove my itchy scratchy clothes and bra each evening. With no other choice than more shopping I wandered into the gift shop in hopes of finding some over sized men's nightshirt to wear for the hour or so each evening before I collapse from exhaustion. No such luck, they had no pajamas at all BUT they did have these incredibly soft I wanted to get naked and rub them all over my body leisure type pants that I knew I had to have from the moment I stroked their cloud like toilet paper should feel like this goodness. I figured I could wear the out of character cellulite exposing pink pants with a tee shirt and made my purchase. Once in the room, I giggled like a mad woman as I yanked the tags off the baby butt smooth pants only to first notice that these deliriously luscious pink pants are made from bamboo and soy!! I kid you not. How trendy can one woman be? I feel so alternative materials! Every night, I count the seconds until I can sip on their heavenly softness, and then I massage my unburnt thighs just to feel more of the pants! I am having an affair with an article of clothing.

The first night we were here, I had to settle the kids in, which was tough since we expected a room for them with two full beds, one for each of the big guys and a roll-away for Josh, who sleeps in a twin at home so it would all be the same for him. Unfortunately there was no such room to be found and we had to get two rooms with a king sized bed each and begin the torturous process of deciding which boy was going to have to sleep with his brother. Matt and Josh ended up sleeping together in the king, since they have more of an adult/child relationship and less of a jealous brother type relationship. I got Josh to sleep, tucked Evan in, and when I bent down to goodnight kiss Evan on his recently buzzed noggin he popped his head up and gave me a fat lip. It hurt so much I ran into the other room holding my breath so I wouldn't cry and wake up Josh. Both the top and bottom swelled and the top instantly turned purple. The next morning I woke up with a normal sized lip that has a dime sized black and blue right in the middle of my top lip. Not pretty.

We are at Atlantis where we have come before and there are some new attractions open here. The new stuff is all just a little bit wilder than the stuf that was already here. Yesterday I (adventure mom) plopped my butt into an innertube to go on one of the new attractractions with the boys. The new "ride" involves me, sitting butt down, in my innertube sailing on a not at all lazy river type journey, ending up on two separate conveyer belts which carry me and my butt stuck inner tube up to a giant tunnel type slide. Another 5 foot long conveyer belt gently delivers me to the mouth of the tunnel/tube and that is the end of gentle. The water (as in angry current) takes over and I am shot up down and around all these tunnel/tubes. Except when I did it yeasterday and I was in a tunnel/tube in complete darkness the current spun me around and my left ankle was violently smacked against what I assume was the wall of the tunnel. It was pitch black in there and I couldn't see a thing. I emerged 20 seconds (and a possile heart attack) later writhing in pain and trying to suppress the urge to vomit (which was most definitely pain induced). The life guard jumped down to my rescue and told me that he had come on duty 20 minutes before and that I was the fourth person to emerge from that ride with the exact same injury. Diagnosis: Bruised and swollen ankle, slight limp- patient incredibly worried that the mother's day 5K (which she worked so incredibly hard for!) is now inadvisable.

burned-literally

So this is kind of turning to out to be quite the comedy of errors of vacations. If it can go wrong it seems that it will. It all started with my pre-vacation shopping spree. I went to a department store, tried on a bucket load of clothes, chose the ones I wanted and asked the sales lady to hold them while I took one more look around the floor. Sounds simple, no? It would have been simple if the second sales lady didn't decide to put my stuff back on the rack and the third sales lady didn't take all my same style different sized rejects out of the dressing room and confuse everything. So, at the end of my little shopping adventure, I crossed my fingers and hoped that I was coming home with complete outfits in the correct sizes. Then I wandered over to swimwear, where I purchased an amazing underwire (a bathing suit that holds my girls up!) bathing suit in two sizes (just in case because the one I tried on may have been a wee bit snug) and a nifty new cover up to wear back and forth to the pool.

Packing around 1AM the night before we left I realized that there were indeed duplicates in my shopping bags, and there was some sorting to do, so I guess the good news is that I didn't spend as much moolah as I thought I had. Since I am the cheap one in the family, this makes me very happy. Since I am also the lazy hater of all shopping person in the family it annoys me because now I have to drag my butt back to the store.

THE LAST TIME WE CAME HERE I DETOXED THE WHOLE TIME. IT WAS SO EASY THE LAST TIME THAT I ANNOUNCED TO THE KIDS THAT I WAS GOING SUGAR FREE AGAIN THE MOMENT MY FEET TOUCHED FOREIGN SOIL. (Damn, I pressed caps lock and I am too tired to go back and retype) Naturally, my intention was to stop by the airport news stand and buy one of everything I wasn't going to eat for a while, and pretty much binge myself into oblivion during the 3 hour flight, but the line at dunkin donuts was long and slow, and I really needed a latte so I risked using all my preflight time going for the latte because I also promised Josh a hot chocolate, and lost that news stand chance, and I had to board the plane with out any chocolate at all. Bummer. So I told myself that maybe I would start the next morning. I mean, really, who can start a diet with out a pre-diet binge? And there was the little matter of the dessert buffet running around in my imagination, but when we stepped off the plane Evan, who wants to us all to be healthy more than anything, turned to me while we were walking up the little tunnel that connects the plane to the airport and said "Well Mom, I guess you are sugar free now!" and I could tell he was so happy about it. I just couldn't disappoint him. So I started to detox with out the traditional pre-diet binge. I whined a lot to myself in my own head.

On the first day I grabbed that cute little brand new cover up from the suitcase and heard an alarming clunk when it touched the bathroom floor. Yes people, the saleslady forgot to remove the security tag and the buzzer did not go off when I left the store. I did the only thing I could do, I cut a little hole in the cover up, which doesn't show too much since it is kind of lacy, and put it on anyway. Then the husband said he thought I looked pretty in the holy cover up, and he never says that ever. So I am totally keeping it.

Josh slipped on something rough during his first hour of carribean delight and managed to scrape his foot three times, in the exact three spots that the straps on his new way overpriced because they have to be kind of orthopedic for him sandals hit on his foot. It is painful for him to wear those new sandals now, so I let him run around barefoot mostly. I made him wear the sandals to breakfast, since we were going directly out to the pool from there, but watching him lurch (from the sandal discomfort) around the buffet with a plate full of food may have added another unwanted gray hair or two to my rapidly growing gray hair collection, so I decided he'll have to go in sneakers from now on.

It has been gorgeous here, as usual, and I thought I was all prepared with 5 big heavy tubes of 50 spf sunscreen, but now I see that there is nothing that this carribean sun can not penetrate. The kids all have sun blocking shirts, so their forearms and faces are a bit scorched, but I had no such thing, so my entire front got totally cooked. Hold your breath cause here it comes....
Yeah, Owww! But doesn't my new underwire bathing suit have nicely placed straps?

I needed my own sun blocking shirt because this burn is the type that stings if I even look at the sun through the window, so I went in search of one. Each place I went to told me to go further away from the kids, who I was dying to get back to. Eventually, one of the hotel staff sent me across the street from the hotel where there is a little shopping place set up. I asked her if the places took the room card key, since it was all I had and she said they did. I finally found a shirt in the farthest store from the hotel, ripped off the tags at the register and handed the lady my hotel card key. She said they took cash or credit cards. Tears welled up in my eyes as I removed the shirt from my crispy upper body and dragged myself out of the store. But the good news is that 5 feet out of the store I bumped into the husband of an old friend who lent me the cash to get the sun shirt. The bad news is that sun shirts are made for young shapely folks and not for ... me. So I just got my courage up and found the family in one of the pools, and walked towards them hoping I wouldn't look too ridiculous in my long sleeved bright blue sun shirt. Evan looked up and said "Mom, you look sexy in that shirt" and the husband said, "Yeah, you look buff in that shirt" and that just totally made my kentucky fried chest day.

And, I am up to page 359 out of 820 in John Irving's Until I find You.

that time again: pre-vacation jitters

The husband, aka: Mr. IG (incredibly generous), is taking us on vacation again tomorrow. I have been wrestling to get my mind around the whole burning question: Should I or should I not bring a lap top? I finally decided on should not for the one and only reason that I have read only two books this entire winter (but rest assured, I am closely following the trials and tribulations of more bloggers than I care to admit). I have purused through plenty of people magazines and naturally my favorite photo mags, but as far as real books go, I have been down right illiterate. It gets a little complicated here because I love books, and despite the lack of reading time in my life these past few seasons, I have still been picking up books here and there, and now I have a very large pile of unread but promising books ready to topple over because it is just that high. So, I am packing up a few books, and not my lap top, and heading south (or more like being dragged kicking and screaming south because I am such a viciously bad traveller, and every one around me suffers when I have to get it in gear) for some fun in the sun (because once I am there I'll snap out of it and be fun loving adventure Mom). I'll be back next weekend.

Wait, Matt just informed me that he decided to stay in cyber touch, lest World of Warcraft fall to pieces with out him, so I might sneak in an update, or six, over this vacation making this entire post null and void, except you should know that I, woman of many words, have been neglecting the printed on paper and bound written word, and still have intentions of at least finishing off the John Irving novel I started last summer!

Here's hoping my plane arrives in one piece! I wish I was the tranquilizer type!!

Alaska one more time

While in Alasa I kept a journal of all the things we saw. Since I couldn't blog from the middle of nowhere, I thought I'd recount it all for you once I got home. Then I looked at my notes and realized that would be, well, boring. Cause we saw a lot of wildlife over and over, and while kayaking up really close to a baby bear on the shore is very exciting to do, and seeing whale tales pop up in front of snow covered mountains it just isn't ... I dunno ... it isn't funny.

Here is a not funny list of some of the things we saw and did... bears, bald eagles, sea lions, harbor seals, humpback whales, sitka deer, dalls porpoises, arctic terns, glaciers, waterfalls, fished for halibut and salmon, dropped pots for crab and shrimp, kayaking, helicopter ride, hiked a rain forest, and experienced a hot spring.

Between my wheat intolerance and Matt's milk allergy we are a tough family to feed. The captain emailed us and asked if we had any food issues. I told him about the milk and wheat and asked him if he needed detailed instructions. He emailed me that they could handle our issues and I never pushed it.

Then we got onto the boat. We got on the boat and there were baskets of snack food all over the place that we couldn't eat. There was lots of chocolate and cheesey flavored chip things. And I saw the chef. He was just adorable. He was about 12. My heart sank. I asked him if he understood our special needs and he said he would just stuff Matt full of vegetables if he couldn't find anything for him to eat. I paniced. Matt=13=limited vegetable consumption.

I found the husband and told him I would need to run to the grocery store. Husband talked to the captain and he drove me over there so I could pick up some dairy free snacks for Matt. On the way back to the boat I began to shake thinking how horrible the trip could be if Matt ended up feeling sick the whole time. Then I got back to the boat and had to educate Chef Cutie, who was open minded and willing to learn. Chef Cutie had never actually read a food label before, and was a big fan of convenience foods, that we can't eat. By the end of the trip Chef Cutie had come a long way. He was disturbed by some of the frightening ingredients in some of the foods he used and he at least knew what he was looking at when he read a label.

Chef Cutie always had a smile on his face and something nice to say every minute of the day. By the end of the trip I was asking if I could adopt him. Josh fell in love with him and after Chef Cutie told Josh he had cool pajamas Josh only wanted to wear clothes that would continue to make him look cool. Every morning he would run upstairs and get Chef Cutie's approval before agreeing to his clothes for the day. Chef Cutie approved all of Josh's clothes. Chef Cutie even taught Josh how to rip the head off of a freshly caught shrimp and gave Josh his favorite quessadillas for three meals in a row.

Alaska scenery

These are just some of the over 900 photos I took from the boat. I need to open up some more hard drive space before I can download the rest of them. The Alaska that I saw was truly breathtaking and I hope you feel the same way after seeing my photos.

from the Seattle airpport

OK, a week on the boat and I am screwed upp. This morning in the shower I realized that I swaying back and forth. Sitting here in the airppport lunge- swaying.

Yesterday when we checked in for our flight from Alaska the husband tried to have our bags sent directly through to NJ, but they wouldn't do it. They sited some silly FAA regulation or something. HE didn't think it would somehow apppply to him. He was ... uppset... then our bags weighed more than 50 ppounds, and they wanted us to take stuff out and pput it in a box .... he was more uppset ... and being a guy who requires ppeople to bow down and cater to him (he is willing to pay for it) he was getting rather ...agitated...and short with the ticket agent. Matt was nearby and he offered upp his easy button (THAT WAS EASY). It broke the tension and helpped to pppput things back into persppective.

working my way home, one time zone at a time

We are on our way home. Right now I am in Seattle. We took the two hour flight this morning and will finish our journey tomorrow.

The week was great, I am comppletely relieved to be off the boat. We were not off the boat from Wednesday afternoon until yesterday. It is weird, so weird, to be rocking all the time.

One of my big fears- sea sickness was not recognized. The only time I felt a bit queesy was occasionally during a meal time when I would look across the table and see the scenery shifting behind our friends or if the water was pparticularly choppppy and my stomach would begin to lurch. Not too bad, I just tried not to look out the window while eating.

I was totally looking forward to eating while not moving. Guess where we had dinner tonight? You guessed it- the Sppace Needle! I got off the rockin boat to have dinner in a revolving restaurant. I can't make this upp! Right now, I am sitting here in the cozy hotel and I still feel like I am mooving. I think I may just be tired.

I Hopppe my readers come back because I checked my stats and AHEM... they are LAME oh so lame. I missed you so much internet!! Don't desert me now!

PPS: There is something wrong with the pp key and every time I ppress it I get two. So I just want to say that ppeter ppeppppper ppicked a pppeck of ppickled ppeppppers.

From the twilight zone aka: Alaska

OK- I am desperately trying to post froma tiny  little store in the middle of nowhere with a giant satellite dish that I can buy some interent time. Every one thinks I am checking my email.

I don't know what day it is, there is no communication with the outside world (barely) all I know is that I am so not as rugged as I thought I was. I have become a luxury princess and this is not a luxury cruise.  I'll give you all the details when I get home, but just know that this morning when I tumbled out of my tiny hard little bunk to use the communal bathroom, my feet went squish and I thought for a second that maybe, just maybe the boat was sinking and I got all excited that I would be able to go back to civilization.  I had decided that I would just leave everything except my CF card from the camera to sink, and replace it all.   It turned out to be an over filled water tank.  Boring. Damn.

On a less negative note, Alaska sure is beautiful, even when it is raining. (90% of our time here so far) I'll show you all the gray landscape photos when I get home. 

There is some hope that the weather is going to turn and maybe, just maybe we can have a day or two of blue skies before the end of our adventure. 

We haven't seen a bear yet, but have enjoyed a few bear poo spottings.  We have seen whales, porpoises, and sea lions.  Also an eagle  who tormented me by bobbing his head around in his nest and not coming out.  I am keeping my eyes open for more.  The vacation will not be complete without a Moose.  I won't leave without seeing a moose.

I'll post again if I can, otherwise we are off the boat on Sunday.