Dearest Internet,
As my readers already know the health of much of my family is not so good. Both my mother and my father were diagnosed with different terminal forms of cancer last spring. While there is treatment to extend their lives, there is no cure for what they have and most likely, neither parent will be around for more than another couple of years. But you never know. And that really sucks too. My mother has peritoneal mesothelioma and my father has had a reoccurrence of prostate cancer that he had originally battled about 11 years ago. Except the first time Dad had prostate cancer they had caught it early and this time the cancer zipped right into his bones. So now he is stuck with the cancer. It can't be removed from his bones.
In the mean time, in January 2007, feeling like my grandmother was not getting the care she, then nearly 95 years of age, required living all alone in her studio apartment with 20ish year old aides to come and not really actually care for her but mostly sit in her teeny tiny apartment and just watch T.V. or talk on their cell phones, I moved grandma out to an assisted living facility near me. I decided that if grandma's kids (my mother and uncle) weren't going to give her what she needed to be taken care of then I would. And I could, so I did. And it was great for a while. We saw grandma all the time, she had dinner with family, and made friends at the assisted living. She really seemed happy for the first time in years. But then around the time grandma saw 96 creeping up on her, life got tough. Since last November grandma has been physically and mentally declining. There is nothing shocking or profound going on, just a slow decline that is not a surprise for her age. But still, the grandma I grew up with and adored isn't really with us anymore. And the grandma that I visit nearly every day is lost and upset. She knows she can not remember anything and tells me every time I visit that "something is not right" and when I question her about it she tells me that she can not remember a thing. And it is true. She isn't even sure what her own name is anymore. And I don't know how that feels to have an empty memory, but I imagine it is disquieting to say the least. Also, she has suffered with the prolapsed rectum, the bone infection and eventual amputation of her toe, and now she is still in a wheelchair. She is weak. I am not sure she is ever going to really walk around again.
So what I am asking of you Dear Internet, is some advice. I am hoping that you, and the people you know, and maybe your friends, co-workers or relatives have some experience dealing with a situation like mine. Or maybe you have cancer or had cancer and can tell me what the people around you did right and wrong. Lot's of people live and die from cancer. And lots of people die of old age. I know I am not original here.
Except this my first time around with three ends looming in the not so distant future. At the end, when it's all over and my family is gone, I just want to be able to say I have no regrets. I want to do the right thing. I want to say the right thing, and I want to be the best daughter/granddaughter during this unpleasant journey that I can be. So please, Internet, send me your stories. Tell me I am not alone and that you know what I am going through. But most of all tell me what you did. Because I do not know what to do. You can leave me a comment for everyone to read or you can email me. I just want to hear about your experience, what you did right, mistakes you might regret, any thoughts you have. Anything you have to offer will be helpful and appreciated. Really.
Thanks in advance.
Clickmom