Life without Edgar still hurts. I kind of feel like I have big glob of congestion high in the chest that I can't cough out because the whole left side is burning and stinging. I am fantasizing about sleeping on my side again. I'm still forced to sleep slightly elevated and on my back. There is a whole pillow system involved. But I am so happy to be in my own bed and not the hospital bed and for sure not having to sleep in the recliner like the one patient's story that nearly pushed me over the edge of anxiety right before my surgery.
I have had to resort to mouth tape because when I sleep on my back my mouth opens (or maybe its the painkillers preventing me from biting down on my own teeth with the strength of a tortured pit bull...) and then the cpap machine just blows air into my nose and straight out the mouth. It isn't pretty. Mouth tape though... imagine me fumbling in the middle of the night for the next dose of painkillers and accidentally pouring the near by cup of water onto a black circle of mouth tape. It's slap stick comedy every night in my room. I look forward to sleeping through the night again... just not quite yet. I need to get off the hard drugs/OTC painkiller regiment I am strictly adhering to. Every 3 hours baby, I swallow something. I even bring a snack to bed every night so I can take my Ibuprofen with food. It's a whole ordeal that I look forward to seeing in my rear view mirror. Maybe in another week.... Every morning I slide down from the carefully orchestrated pillow wedge to see if laying flat is a possibility and the answer is NOT YET
Maybe after I get the stitches out of the drain hole. Holy moly stitches are bitches and they pull on me! They hurt so much I want to whine whine whine. Luckily THE FLUID seems to have been a single day panic. (Thank goodness because YUCK YUCK YUCK) I'm still numb but maybe less numb? Maybe wishful thinking. I can't really tell. I am still swollen and still have strange tightening sensations but maybe a little less? I can't even tell. I am tired and tired of being tired. Am I tired or am I medicated? I didn't nap for the first time today, so that might be progress.
Today I tried icing my throbbing spasming shoulder/neck and back spots and I think that was the right move. I'll ice again tomorrow a couple of times. I did plan on taking a stroll today but the rain forced me indoors. It was raining at 8:30 when I wanted to slip out with sweet baby sweet pea, and then it just kind of rained the whole day long. I did put on a bra to go see the doctor about THE FLUID last week, and that was when the spasms took a turn for the worse so I am not sure if they were bra incited, or walking on the beach on the way home incited, or stopping for groceries incited, or lack of muscle relaxant because they initially only gave me three days worth incited. I got a refill now though so I can medicate the spasms away if they do decide to return, and now I know the ice trick too.
Lordy lord, I hate sitting around here thinking about nothing more than how I feel all day and night. I am so impatient with myself, I just want to feel better already. I binge watched two seasons of ALONE and am absolutely fascinated by the whole mind fuck of isolation on the contestants. I kind of want to do it and see how I fare, except not in some kind of survival situation. I'd prefer my isolation to take place in a luxury hotel with a pool and room service. I bet I could stay sane if they gave me enough paper that I could spend every day writing or drawing.
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