TISMF

(The day of the biopsy)

Biopsy doctor admitted to being 10 years older than the punchable face photo. Face looked slightly less punchable. Also less than ideal bedside manner after I told him I was rooting for an infection he said it didn’t look like an infection on the PET CT scan so I wept all the way to the operating room. 

The procedure would have been less traumatic if I wasn’t dreaming that I was suffocating for some part of it. They used a little ROBOT to crawl around my lungs taking multiple biopsies- not only the nodule but the near by lymph nodes as well. I can’t stop picturing a teeny little Wall-E. 

Came out of anesthesia PISSED and irritable. The good part of being an irritated raw nerve is that I would place my bet on some kind of adrenaline rush because they keep talking about me being potentially dizzy and I feel like if everyone would just look the other way I could run out the recovery area and make a quick getaway. I’m up and dressed and ready to rumble. Zero dizziness. 

I might get to cough up blood for the next few days. The fun never ends. Tomorrow I will likely have a fever. It’s just a side effect of the procedure. 

But, other than a couple of high blood pressure events during the procedure (probs when they were suffocating me) it all went fine and everyone else was lovely. Just waiting for Marion to bring the car around to the front entrance so they can wheel me out. 

Don’t reply to this text. I don’t feel like being social.
(The day after the biopsy)
Looks like they used a hawk to transfer me from the operating table to the gurney. My arm had been raked over. 
My body feels so fine after anesthesia and I have decided I am constantly in a high cortisol/high adrenaline fight or flight mode and there are certain things that I have discovered through experience bring that inflammatory hormone level down. In order from recent: Anesthesia, mushrooms, leaving my sick/disabled husband in a nursing home for respite care and fevers, such as the three day fever I get after every Covid shot.
I might have to micro dose mushrooms for the rest of my life. I’m okay with that. 
Bwah ha ha. Someone from the hospital just called me to see how I was doing, and I told her
1. I had two periods of slight consciousness during the procedure. There were terrifying and I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. I don’t know whether it was the amount of anesthesia or the type of anesthesia but that I wanted that in my notes because I would absolutely be bringing it up in any post surgical consultations or the pre-surgical consultations it seems likely that I will have in the future
2. How somebody kind of clawed my arm, transferring me to the table and how I recognize that I’m a big girl, but I will be requesting that only tall, strong, people with nicely trimmed nails move me in the future.
3. And also that when I got home and had some dinner and wanted to read my post surgical instructions, I realized that not only did they not have me sign any releases before I left the hospital, but they didn’t give me post surgical instructions to read. 
WTF?? 
So it’s not as bad as they warned me it might be. I’m not coughing as much as they seem to infer that I might be coughing and there is not as much blood coming up with those coughs as it sounded like might happen in some cases. 
I’ve never been throat punched, but I imagine my throat kind of feels like what one might feel after a throat punch. It doesn’t hurt like a sore throat when you’re sick. It hurts like I’ve been punched in the throat and interestingly it hurts more on the left side and that’s the side they went down so whatever that means. 
I’m kind of bummed that I can’t drive for 24 hours after the anesthesia. I did have an appointment today and I absolutely feel 100% capable of driving. But my fear is that somebody else is gonna cause an accident with me because everyone drives insane these days and then some ball sack lawyer is gonna find out that I had anesthesia late yesterday and somehow I’m gonna get the blame for the accident so I canceled my appointment
I reviewed that earlier text and suspect that I might still have some lingering of that pissed off feeling that I woke up from the anesthesia.
I take it back. They did slip discharge papers to Marion and I didn’t notice. I didn’t look for them until after she went to bed last night.
(Today)
Well, I figured out why all the doctors are treating this like cancer because the size location and shape of this nodule all indicate a higher likelihood of cancer
It’s not the worst kind of cancer. But it’s cancer. Fuck. 
Carcinoid tumor 
I haven’t spoken to a doctor yet. I’m just reading the report that they posted online.
Holy shit, I am doing research to try and be prepared for my meet the surgeon appointment tomorrow and there is something called carcinoid syndrome that basically describes every annoying symptom that I’ve been having for decades like diarrhea, facial flushing, and most recently weight gain around the midsection and upper back. I don’t know if you’ve noticed how fucking fat the back of my neck has become, but it’s gross and I look like a troll. And shortness of breath which I do notice in the last few months that it is much more difficult to walk uphill and I’m wondering if they take this tumor out which (by the way these tumors can cause you to have hormonal disruptions) all my problems are gonna go away. If my chronic diarrhea goes away, I’m going to be the happiest woman in the world