clickmom

This made me super happy

OK, I’m gonna start with a little background in case somebody doesn’t know the backstory. My husband has a brother and a sister. His brother passed away in 2017 and his sister is married to a man who started showing signs of dementia in 2017 (which we now know has been caused by a series of strokes.) So around the same time, the husband of my sister-in-law started to wake up from very vivid dreams in which my deceased brother-in-law was talking to him. He would often share recipes with him, which is a charming thought, because my brother-in-law loved to cook and thought of himself as quite an accomplished chef. I was speaking to the sister-in-law today and she told me that her husband woke up one day recently very upset from a dream because in this dream he saw my dead brother-in-law, in a room with another man who stood behind my brother-in-law, in the corner of the room and only snickered, but didn’t talk. In the dream, my brother-in-law was telling the husband of my sister-in-law to tell someone that Junior is with him and that junior is OK and everything was fine and he woke up very upset because he didn’t know who he should tell about this person named Junior because he didn’t think he knew anyone named Junior.

Junior was the nickname that my brother-in-law used to call my husband when they were children. So I am spending the day deeply, comforted by the thought that the brothers are reunited and hanging out together on the other side. And also that everything is fine.

TI would have SMF if it wasn’t almost midnight

I don’t know if I ever told you about this but when Marion was about 15, I realized that she had some like Internet friends from some online website. I was trying to have the talk with her and she informed me that pedophiles would not be interested in her because she was sexually mature. The thing that I’m remembering is like how I was so stupefied by that information that I couldn’t even respond and I just turned and walked out of her room

I feel so accomplished because I got my lazy ass off the couch and not only did I put the recycling out for the recycling guy tomorrow, but I threw away the stinky bag of trash that was sitting in the kitchen. It’s almost like I’m a grown-up.

I forgot what it was like to be out of the house so much. Now I’ve been out of the house for two days straight and I’m gonna be completely honest with you. I had to fight a little bit of anxiety about it and kind of force myself back into the world of people who are not 24/7 caretaking a dying man. This transition is going to be interesting.

ashes ashes

I was telling a friend that I keep thinking the husband is sitting in the family room with me. I also keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye, so either his spirit is keeping me company or I am losing my mind. (Or, as she so boringly suggested "I was married for a long time" and it's all just what I am used to. How basic. wink)  It isn't only that I think he is there it's that I feel like he is there, which.. okay... may be a force of habit, but also might be because his spirit is hanging around or the crazy thing, which is never actually off the table as far as I am concerned I come from a line of questionable people as far as mental health goes and a girl never really knows, does she? In the same way that dumb folks are too dumb to recognize that they're dumb the crazies (and I say with intentional affection because I do believe it's never really far off the beaten track, for me at least. They're my people.) feel the same way. Maybe they/we just feel kind of misunderstood.

Anyway, spirit husband sure is keeping me company these days though. He even goes outside with me when I take sweet pea into the backyard. Though not to the dog park, or upstairs to the bedroom, which is interesting since he hadn't been able to climb the stairs for years I would think he might be interested in seeing what was happening up there. (nothing of interest, that is for sure) 

Speaking of upstairs, now I have two sets of ashes in my bedroom. I still have Bob up there and now I have the husband, too. Maybe they can keep each other company. I gotta add our favorite dog's little ash box to their display. Two dogs ago we had a dog named Oscar and he was as good of a dog as sweet pea, actually, super similar in disposition and intelligence. Except Oscar was a shepherd and flat coated retriever mix which resulted in a shepherd sized and shaped dog with long silky black hair. He was gorgeous. He was young at the time when people were trying to mix dogs with wolves so people used to cross the street to get away from him. It was great. I also taught him to walk off leash in the city so I feared nothing with my scary gorgeous love button by my side. He would have never hurt anyone, but it's more important to look like you might be fierce than to actually be capable of it. Avoids problems.  

Taking Bob to Italy to find his final resting place is still on my priority list. But first I have to get this house ready to sell. I have to dejunk it. It's gonna take forever.