When I was in college two friends planned a surprise weekend for me on my birthday. I got back to my room on a Friday after classes and saw that a bunch of my stuff was gone. I was interrogating anyone I could find on my dorm hallway when they showed up, with big grins on their faces and got me into a borrowed car, blind folded me and began driving. I’m turns out one friend’s grandparents had a cabin in the mountains and we were headed there for a weekend getaway. The weekend was lovely, and I had never felt so taken care of or like I mattered at all in my life. It was wonderful. One of those friends also took me on a road trip back to NYC when I woke up one morning desperately home sick after not being home for over 6 months. So, I guess he’s been on my mind because this road trip I’m on with Josh feels as perfect so far as that one did. .
I dreamed about being weighed down with things on a never ending escalator. He appeared and helped me off, storing my bag in a safe place and then disappearing into the crowd. In my dream I began searching and searching but I couldn't find him in the crowds of people and children.
I’d love to call him. I’d love to know if he had a happy life. I hope he did. He was one of three friends who ghosted me (before ghosted was a term) back when Josh was a toddler and I know that I had gotten strange for a bit there, I’m just not sure exactly how. I do know that I was quite overwhelmed with being the sole person raising three children. So, I’m sure it was me who was the cause of friendship loss, I have no malice towards the friends who jumped ship. Of the three friends the loss of this one particular friend was the saddest. I suppose that of the three he was the one I thought was most likely the lifetime friend. I’ve looked for him on social media. He isn’t there. I used to be able to find his name on the roster of the firm he works for. I’m so tempted to leave a voicemail for him during off hours just to say something friendly. I don’t have any expectations. Just wanted to say something nice. Maybe I just him to be sitting around having a happy memory about something we did while I’m doing the same. I dunno.
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