TI DID NOT SMF

because one might just be a narcissist and the other an emotionally stunted addict.

But I did send it out to three innocent friends for their input and for validation.

I just need you guys to know that this morning I really wanted to photograph so I was going to get to the park early. I was standing in front of the door with my camera bag in my hand when I heard the husband’s walker squeaking down the hallway. For half a second I considered slipping out the door and pretending that I didn’t hear that he was awake and coming down the hall but I didn’t. I turned around and made him breakfast. When I was leaving the second time, just in time to meet you two at 9:20, I made the decision to leave my camera at home because I was meeting you two and wanted to be present in the moment and not distracted by looking for photos. I know I’ve been the bummer friend for a long time now and I made the conscious decision to be a better friend during today’s walk.

I have been in the position of being the first to show up before. And I would always say “let’s at least wait on the orchard until the meeting time.” I pulled in at exactly 9:20 this morning. I went directly to the orchard and stood there for couple of minutes before checking my phone.

I can’t even count the times when A and I are there before P and we take the shortest loop possible to be back on the orchard to meet you when you arrive.

Then, this morning, seeing P’s message I decided to head in a direction where I’d meet you head on. But you weren’t where I thought you’d be and there I was alone with no camera on a day with fantastic light. I was feeling crushed.

Normally, when I’m not feeling like I am feeling these days, I’d happily walk along anyways and find anyone else to chat with. But today it hit differently. Probably because of the decisions I made earlier in the day.

So, there really isn’t anything to discuss here.

I’m just feeling the sting and it’s been bothering me today. I think that what you did was rude and I’m fragile these days. I’m trying real hard to keep my chin up and push through. And I’m going to claw my way to the end here and I am counting on being just okay enough to live happily ever after. I wouldn’t wish the situation I’m in on you guys for even a minute.

Anyways, I walk around telling everyone how it’s virtually impossible to hurt my feelings but I’m sitting here with some hurt feelings. I just wanted you to know.