It's after dinner and I had to pry myself off of the couch to come sit down in front of the computer and do my homework for PTSD therapy, but I am here with you instead! This girl decided to wake up at 4:30 this morning so the brain is hurting right now. .
Guess what! I told the therapist what I said yesterday (see below) about being uncomfortable with the flattery and wondering if I qualified as having a case of imposter syndrome blah blah blah .... and she told me that I am advanced (her word not mine and HELLO? More flattery?) because in a couple of lessons we will be discussing ESTEEM. Esteem? Interesting because it's not the same as the BE HUMBLE I was doodling on my notes last last night. I didn't actually cross mine out, I drew a red circle with the slash around the words. But, anyways, interesting that esteem is how others regard you and I am talking about forced humbleness to an extreme and those are not exactly the same, they're just related in the really complicated dysfunctional thinking way and I for one cannot wait to get to get to that chapter in the workbook! HEAL ME.
I don't know what is up with me, maybe its my age but you know what I really want to be? Like so bad.. SO very badly. I want to be confident in the way that was incomprehensible to me when that one young guy who got a camera as a gift was photographing without having a clue what he was doing and selling his work in tourist galleries, (which, hello money....) and I asked him how he just came up from no where and ended up in galleries and he said "You have to make them think that if they don't get your work they'll be missing out on something" or something along those lines and I couldn't even fathom what he was talking about. DO what? Sell myself? No comprendo.
I think I am starting to understand though. I think its coming to me, cause you know, I am "advanced" hahahahahaha
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