Last night the husband stood up just before 5- while I was rushing to make dinner because I had sensed he was getting tired- and announced that he was going to use the bathroom and then going to sleep.
I simply escorted him to the bathroom and then the bed all while double checking that there was nothing I could possibly get him to eat. I offered everything from pop tarts to sandwiches. You know, things that did not require cooking that could be ready in a minute or less. He refused.
So, I spent the evening eating alone, tip toeing around the house trying not to disturb him and then…. Just as I was thinking I’d take sweet pea outside for her final bathroom of the night, at 9:42PM I hear the sound of his walker scraping the floor as he makes his way down the long hallway between the room where he sleeps and the family room.
What I wanted to say: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? GET THE FUCK BACK INTO BED!
What I actually said: Let’s get you something to eat and get you right back into bed so we don’t end up staying up super late again. (Yes, he did the same freaking thing a couple of days prior)
I got the leftovers from dinner out of the fridge and (he said he couldn’t possibly eat a big meal, but maybe just a little bit) microwaved a bowl of pasta for him, which he then slow motion ate over the next 30 minutes.
Also, he has been choking a lot lately and it is because he keeps eating while in a reclined position no matter how many times I try to gently remind him to sit up straight while he eats. SIT THE FUCK UP STRAIGHT is what I’d like to say, but what I say is: Don’t forget to sit up while eating so you don’t choke. (I hope you read that in the sing song voice people use when talking to preschoolers.)
He is getting very thin looking. His limbs are all boney. Which terrorizes me because they used to be so heavy and thick that I didn’t even think they could get as thin as they currently are. I thought they were so heavy that it had to be all bone underneath there but I am realizing there was a lot of muscle that has just wasted away. He is looking so frail that when I have to grab him to keep him from falling I'm afraid of breaking him. I mean, it’s all relative, I don’t know how frightening he is looking to an outsider but to me he is looking like I want to run into the woods screaming.
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