Wearing

The husband has been sleeping A LOT and it concerns me. Yesterday I woke him up to see if he would get up for dinner. He was very cooperating saying “yeah, I’m hungry I was thinking of getting out of bed” and it struck me how comforting it must be to know that whenever he feels like eating he can just roll out of bed and saunter into the family room where I’ll deliver a home cooked meal right to his lap.

The one and only time in my life that anyone ever took care of me like this was when I was 10 and my folks went off on a vacation and I woke up the very next day with pneumonia. Thank god they left my grandmother in charge of us for that trip because she took the best care of me. I didn’t want my mom to come back because by the time she did return I was 99% better and I knew the tender loving care was going to leave with grandma. It did. To this day I am appalled that my mom didn’t come back as soon as she heard how sick I was. I was very sick.

Speaking of pneumonia, I was thinking about that time I had it 20 years ago and was lying in bed with 105+ degree temperature seeing double and the husband stood at the foot of the bed shouting at me and demanding to know who was going to take care of the kids (aged 2,6 and 10 at the time) because he “couldn’t be my plan B”. It’s humiliating to know that I didn’t get better and immediately file for divorce. Now I’m waiting on him hand and foot.

Life is not fair. Why does life need to remind me of this at every single turn? It’s wearing on me.