Just woke up from a really intense dream. Background: the other night the only one to respond to my request for ash reveal support was one of the ladies from my high school reunion committee. But this woman is fresh out and rehab and seriously struggling with a ton of childhood stuff as well as her sobriety. So after I opened the box we talked for over an hour and during that time I pretty much assumed the role of therapist. At this point in my life I’ve had so much therapy with so many different people that I feel like I could be a therapist. But at some point I was talking to her about how the adult in us all really, has to take care of the child in us that didn’t get the care we needed. This woman had a really neglectful life and as an adult tries to shrug it off but you know, then she drinks her pain. So…
In my very chaotic dream last night I was at some kind of resort but I needed to catch a train to somewhere. I was at the train station with another person when we realized we were at the wrong tracks and the other person went running off but I was distracted by all of these art supplies that I just realized were super valuable so I went back for them. I knew I was gonna miss my train and then there was this tiny little girl who was super sad and I said something to her, ran off to get the art supplies, and when I came back there were adults surrounding her trying to help her and she was rejecting all of them. I bent over to talk to her and she fell into my arms and hugged me so I hugged her back and then this feeling of warmth and wholeness and satisfaction just came over me head to toe. It was so strong that I’m sure that I was actually releasing some good feeling brain chemical in my sleep and actually feeling good. I felt so superior for being the only person that this child would trust. I tried to hide it because, you know, I always have to be modest thanks to my repressive upbringing. Then I told this little girl I would help her find her mom and somehow we were driving around in a car at the beach with my dad - and I felt so much love for him FYI- he rescued me when he married my mom- looking for her mom when I realized that I should’ve stayed in the same place where I found the girl and found a security guard so … I don’t know what that part of the dream means but I would like to focus on how good I felt when that child embraced me because I feel like that’s connected to the part of me that needed a reminder that adult me could be the one adult who looks out for the wounded child that is still inside myself.
Oh my god. Just so you know I am still laying in bed dictating this text so that I could do it fresh before I forgot the dream and the phone typed “wounded child” as “golden child” and I just think the phone wants me to know I’m special.
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