TISMF alternative realities

(I was fantasizing about a sleep/wake switch that I could use to control the husband’s increasingly unpredictable schedule)

Can you imagine how fantastic that off switch would be? Freedom!! I was having a shower thought yesterday-

“I wonder what I’d be like and where my head would be right now if he was in the same condition but the pandemic never happened.”

Would I be running around and leaving him on his own? I don’t know. Maybe a little bit, but with anxiety and guilt? I’ll never know.

And also: “how would I be if he was already gone and I was living through this pandemic solo? “

Would I be hiding like I am now? Probably. I mean, it’s been very easy to tell people I am doing this extreme lifestyle shift for he-who-would-die-if-infected-with-covid, but truthfully, I want no part of that evil virus myself. When you tell folks you’re protecting your disabled husband they don’t try to convince you to do things. But I’m pretty sure if I was only protecting myself people would be trying to convince me to take chances that I’ve gotten quite comfortable not taking. Weird how that works. Is it a gender thing? I don’t think so. I’m not sure what it is.