The real house

The husband is convinced that we are not living in our real house. It breaks my heart. He asks me “Why are we staying here instead of our real house?” And I don’t know how to answer him. When Josh was here on break he did feel him out and asked him too. But the husband hasn’t mentioned anything lately, and I was hoping he had accepted this as our house, until today. Driving back from the wound care doctor he asked me if we were going to take the same exit as our …… and then he trailed off. I knew what he was getting at.

He couldn’t recognize the area and thought maybe I had driven past where we live to this place we are staying in that isn’t our real house. I want to puke thinking about this. I ask all of our guardian angels to not let him get scared and suffer before he goes. As the person who takes care of other people this is way out of my wheel house.

I choked back the tears and told him the only thing he had to remember, the only thing he could never forget is that he is safe with me and I’m going to take care of him. The poor guy is trying to appear like he is holding it all together. My heart is just crumbling watching him struggle to stay on top of things

Yesterday when I brought him to the eye doctor we got back to the car after his appointment and he looked out at the parking lot and said he did not recognize this place and he knew he had been coming to see this doctor for years. Then later, when I brought him to physical therapy I pulled into a spot, facing the building, there was a sidewalk and some bushes between my car and the building and the husband, looking straight ahead, said something about all the cars pulling out of the parking lot because it was so late in the day. Except we were facing the building and not the parking lot and I don’t know what he was seeing. It was just us.

I’m really scared about all of this.