Favorite

Sometimes I wonder DO I HAVE A FAVORITE KID? and the honest truth is that I don’t think I do. Truth is that with such a large age gap it’s never been fair to compare the kids, even now, technically they’re all adults, but Josh is still in college, so, not that kind of adult and I don’t see how I could even choose between a kid who is only halfway out of the nest and an almost 30 year old. (Shocking!!)

But even if I think about how I felt about all three kids when they were Josh’s age it still fells pretty equal to me. Maybe they are all equally independent? I don’t know. If I do have a favorite someone else would have to point it out to me. I don’t think I do. That’s why when I tell each they’re my favorite I’m technically not lying. In the moment each kid is my favorite. Probably the one face to face with me is my favorite. I don’t know. I’m just so grateful that I can stand back and see what kind of people they’ve evolved into and know that I truly like all three of them. I guess I’m feeling a bit of the gratitude tonight. At least in the kid department. I told the editor yesterday (I think it was her…) that my kids never had tantrums. And that’s the truth too! I know people don’t believe me when I say that. I know when I tell people we didn’t have terrible twos, or threes that they all think I’m lying. Only I’ll know for sure and what I know for sure is that I was in the fucking zone and my kids didn’t have tantrums. Patting myself on the back.

I hate this covid world. I’m full of anger over the utter failure and irresponsibility of our governments as well as the individual people. I would 100% find another civilization if that was even an option. Even if covid disappeared tomorrow I’m pretty sure this sense of disappointment in humanity would linger with me until the end of time.