Welcome to another episode of "Texts I Sent My Friends!"
So. Since my meat suit decided that without the thrill of contagious diseases this past 2+ years it would generate every possible non contagious panic inducing painful life altering situation possible…..
Yesterday I noticed the pain of what I thought was a canker sore in my mouth. Upon further investigation I pulled back my upper lip to see something which despite feeling like a round lump looked much like a swollen blackhead. I gave it a little push and out came something I can only describe as clear gelatinous sticky goo. I’m seeing my dentist at 5:30.
FML.
Change. Dentist got a cancellation. 1:30 is go time.
I'm not going until 1:30
The dentist hasn't seen it yet. (That friend loves me)
OK I just wanted to tell you that the shortest way to stress me out is by telling me that I’m too stressed out. He said I don’t know what it is so I’m going to send you to the oral surgeon but I think it looks like it might be something viral that was probably brought on by you being in so much stress that your immune system isn’t working optimally. Guess who cried in the dentist office today. All I heard was "You can't handle stress and you did this to yourself."
The oral surgeon didn’t know what it was either but he said it’s definitely infected and he’s ordering me antibiotics. Oh my god. He squeezed it so hard I was writhing in the chair, and this time yellowish gel came out. (BARF) He doesn’t know what it is but thinks it’s …remotely… possible that it is an infected salivary gland. Wants me to take antibiotics and come back in a week. He said something must be infected due to the color of the pus. If the antibiotics don’t clear this up he will get to the bottom of it. Yay.
I need to know what’s going on because right now I'm tingly numb from inside my nostril across my right top lip.
Also, he asked me if I had ever done injectables because he has "seen this kind of thing after injectables". I gave him the look and said “Do these lip wrinkles look like they’ve been filled?” It broke the tension. He said he had to ask. I gave him the nod.
He said “I want to know the etymology of this thing in your mouth “.
O
M
G
I think I orgasmed upon hearing that.
Just wanted to let you know that I actually did take the first dose of antibiotic tonight.
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