I don't want to beat a dead horse... but, here I go again with the moon.
The moon rose at 2:38 this morning. Obviously I wasn't about to wake up in the dark and drive down to the open sky at the beach or anything like that. It wasn't because I didn't want to. It was because just like how I became obsessed with timing my walk to the subway station each morning (and agonizing over every crosswalk I had to stop and wait for traffic at) after being gifted a digital watch, I knew in my heart that photographing the moon had the potential to set me off on a path I shouldn't go down for my own mental health and well being. That's why I had to put the digital watch in a drawer and wear a watch with no minute markers for years after the digital watch experience. So, anyways, I had to make a rule for myself that I wouldn't do a thing like wake in the middle of the night to get a glimpse of the moon. I am not the kind of girl who can function well when tired to begin with and I know I have a predisposition to get mildly obsessed, so I made some rules. Rule #1 is "Don't lose sleep trying to get the photo." Also, I have 100% convinced myself that keeping the moon at night photos to a minimum will be best for the final project. A white moon on a black sky is pretty basic, and while basic works for a space holder it does not make for the most interesting series. Okay, now that I am thinking of it, basic would totally work for a series, and also represent the mind numbing monotony of my personal pandemic experience. I am two plus years in and still blessedly covid free thanks to my ability to be isolated and bored/boring. Dammit. I feel I may have missed an opportunity. It's to late now that I am 4 months into this series of trying to find something of visual interest other than the actual moon in the image. Clouds, birds, tree tops, etc...... Maybe the project will evolve back into basic. It is so like me to make something pretty out of something sad. Thats why I have called myself a depressed optimist.
Anyways... what I stopped by to share was how spotting and capturing the moon (at 7:45 this morning) despite the southern sky being cloaked with clouds was so uplifting I am kind of in awe of how fantastic it made me feel. It's getting the day off on the right foot, with an early sense of accomplishment, and now I feel like today's possibilities are limitless. I laugh at myself because despite this limitless feeling. We all know with concrete certainty that for me today will end up being much like every other day of the past 2 years where I lay low and don't catch a potentially deadly virus with the potential to cause "parkinsonian type symptoms" down the road for a hefty percentage of folks who have been infected. I am going to try to hold onto this good feeling for as long as possible today. Maybe I will even sort through the tremendous pile of mail that is waiting to be sorted. I hate mail and it is all the fault of all the idiots who send the mail no one wants. So much unwanted mail. Wasted paper, evil to the environment in multiple ways. Especially the stuff which is designed to confuse old people into thinking it is urgent. I would like to shame every single person making that strategy for their junk services. Shame on them!
Anyways, I am tossing the idea around of taking a mental break from expecting myself to work towards photo marketing goals when I am hardly functioning right now. I do feel like it is foolish to pretend we are living in a normal world. Every single person out there, (with the exception of those who directly help other people) is fucking part of the problem. I'd like to make the difference between me and them more obvious. Also, if V Pudding nukes us all I would prefer to spend my final days relaxing than writing query letters to museums to see if they'll buy my future book. (I did get a reasonable quote for a box though. Yay!)
Comments