feels

I would love to get out of my own head and live in someone else's for a while. I just want to know how other people see the world. Let me be more explicit: I would like to spend some time existing in the head of someone who does not suffer from depression or any other mental illness, or have loads of childhood trauma which has basically suffocated their ability to live in the present world and see things clearly. 

Me: I think I would like to wean off the antidepressants now

Therapist: Next time we talk why don't we redo that depression test and see where you land?

Me: ......

Me: um.........

Me:..... ah.... yeah...

Me: Forget it.

I think it is reasonable to feel depressed when being a full time caretaker to a dying demented man whose only concern is his own immediate needs, during a world wide pandemic where people are too selfish to mask up while in public. I don't know how I could possibly feel any other way. So the big question I want answered is... Should I, or even can I, medicate the sadness away? When I started on this medication I agreed to take it because I was crying every waking hour. AT first I felt relief but now.... I think I feel like I would feel if I wasn't taking medication. I don't want to take any medication, ever. And I don't want to take that test because I know I'm going to score in the mildly depressed category. And now, thinking about taking the test has made me feel even more sad than usual. The thought of it has set me off. I am so sad. Is depressed the same as sad? I have no answers. I just don't want to feel this way.