This morning I watched a "toctik" by a woman who talked about being single (divorced) with a kid ad how people's reactions to her are always on the pity side and then she said something that really struck home. She said "When I was a kid I ever once fantasized about getting married so maybe I was never meant to be married. I am happy being single."
Hello? Raise your hand if you have never once (including after becoming engaged) fantasized about getting married. MY ARM CAN NOT REACH ANY HIGHER. Not sure if I ever told the story of how my wedding got planned but here is a truly reader's digest version.
The husband and I get engaged, go to my parents a few days later to discuss the event planning, (daughter's family pays, right?) and since my ideal wedding was eloping and doing something fun in Vegas with an Elvis Impersonator and the husband wanted something traditional (keeping that judgement to myself), we had already compromised on having a super small intimate event. My dad was so happy, my mom fought back the tears. Our budget was 10K, including my dress. I would have been happy with a bowling party, I am 100% serious. My mom quickly informed me that the ceremony was mine but the celebration afterwards was her event. I didn't care. But, can we be honest? Who says that out loud?? So weird.
We went dress shopping, I was good with the first dress I tried on. She had penciled me in for weeks upon weeks of shopping to find the perfect dress. (Just shoot me, please!) We went to the florist, I asked "What is cheap in February?" The florist told me tulips, I said "Great! Let's do tulips". Mom was shocked. She had planned on visiting several florist shops. We went to the venue to discuss options, I said which night is cheaper? I'll take it. Which food options are cheaper? That works for me. You know why? I could not have cared less. I stayed under budget. I was proud. My mom on the other hand was quite disappointed. My mom called me hysterical about 2 weeks before the wedding. She said she had been up all night worrying about the white tulips not matching the white table cloths. I told her that she would be the only one who noticed. Seriously.
I was not a bridezilla. I did go somewhere to have my hair done, they did an awful job, seriously, it was 80's hill billy prom style, but by the time I realized how awful it was I didn't have time to do anything about it so I just thought to myself, "I don't actually care." and left. (I may have shed a tear or two over the hair, it was ridiculous, before sucking it up) I got dressed by myself (I think... maybe a friend was there. I do recall someone from the venue bringing me a turkey sandwich because I had not eaten a single thing that day and I could barely eat it. I think someone was with me. Did she eat the sandwich? I can't recall) I did my own makeup. There was no way I was going to take the chance of someone turning me into a drag queen on a day that I was going to have to (another form of torture) stand for photos, so I had my usual mostly natural look walking down the aisle. (I did let the lady at the makeup counter talk me into wearing a dark shade of lipstick though. Yuck. I hate lipstick)
And then we had a ice little dance party. I wished I could be wearing more comfortable clothes. I hated being in that wedding dress. All evening I felt like I was that barbie with the crochet skirt stuck into a toilet paper roll. And my dress was simple. No train or anything ridiculous like that.
Anyways, point is that I suffered through the most basic little tiny wedding so my husband could get the wedding his princess heart always dreamed of and maybe, just maybe, I was meat to be single the whole time. I never for one second had any interest or even a moment of excitement about it. Whoops. It's only been 31 years.
Also, if you believed that was going to be a reader's digest version, then I have a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn.
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