CRUSHED

Well. My childhood came crashing down on me yesterday. Crashing down? I don't even know the words for for what happened. Let me explain...

As a kid I loved The S0und of Muzak (misspelled to deter googlers). As far as I know it was the only movie I went to see multiple times, I loved it so much. I know I went at least 3 times because the third time I went there were some obnoxious teenagers making fun of the movie and I tried to explain it to them, because I was a big dork. I recall telling them I was an authority on the movie because I was about to see it (or maybe had seen it?) for the third time. obviously, they laughed at me.

Any hoo... I loved the movie so much that I managed to convince my mom to buy me the album. Initially I was disappointed because I thought the album would be the entire soundtrack, including the spoken parts and I would be able to visualize the movie in my head, but no, the album was only the songs, and not even the movie version, it was the original Mary Martin play version, which was almost identical, so I put my disappointment aside and rolled with it. Long story short, I played and played and played the album, memorized every single word, and have walked around singing the songs both out loud and in my head for the last 4 1/2 decades until last night. Holy heck, last night it was on television. They were dragging it out for 4 hours because ..commercials, and I had already missed the first hour, but I was ready to sing, so I made the husband listen to me sing for an hour and everything was great. Then we switched over to the series I normally watch for an hour and then back to TSOM, just in time for the song that Maria and The Captain sing to each other right after they admit they're in love and deliriously happy to be able to admit it to each other and holy hell. "Somewhere in my youth or childhood I must have done something good." Guys, they sing about being rewarded with their fantasy love interests because they've been good people all along. AS IF LIFE WAS FAIR!! But, I ram my head against that Life Is Not Fair wall ALL THE FRIGGING TIME, because it is not fair, but I am stuck in the head of an eight year old who believes that if I do something good then life will reward me, and while I consciously know that is not how life works, I still kind of expect it to work that way and now I totally blame Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer. 

Now I see this movie which I had thought was just a harmless movie about a carefree spirited young woman falling in love with a family that needed saving through song and living happily ever after (with super beautiful scenery) once they sing their way away from Nazis and across the Austrian border while smiling and singing is actually this self loathing woman, who does not know her value and the whole movie is basically an exercise in catholic misogyny. (according to the friend I shared my horror with) 

I had to look away. I could not finish enjoying the last hour because I felt thoroughly betrayed. Except, I still have the lyrics to every single song in my head and I never even want to think about that movie again. crushed. I am crushed.