clickmom

Surprised myself

All along (the pandemic) I’ve been half joking that I’m going to need physical therapy when it’s over to be a normal person again. And then today happened. Here are all the things I did today.

I took sweet pea to the woods for two hours, came home, scarfed down some food just so I could take the antidepressants that I’ve grown quite fond of, grabbed my lawn mowing stuff (head phones, mower key, etc..., looked at the mower and decided I should probably check the oil. Ran back inside for a paper towel, ran back outside checked the oil and determined that the mower needed oil. I ran back inside to grab my car keys to drive over to the auto parts store where the very nice old guy hooked me up with mower oil, gas conditioner for the snow blower, oil for the generator in case the power goes out again, and wiper fluid because it’s bug season.

Returned to the house and mowed for about an hour taking care of about half the lawn, leaving the easy wide open area for Josh who, like his mom, actually enjoys mowing the lawn, then I finally transplanted the pathetic half dead tomatoes and peppers I started indoors too early in February. If I get any fruit off of them it will be a true miracle. The fact that they’re still alive is also a miracle.

Then I, with more help from Josh, set up the bug screen tent in the spot im going to sit every hour of daylight tomorrow and do another summer solstice photograph birds on a single dead tree series. The tent thing is what I used way back when the house in utopia was being built and we were staying in that old dudes house for the summer and his kitchen was so gross I only grilled food every night and we sat in the screened in tent every night and watched it get dark until the bats flew out of the woods and started circling the lake. I took a sweet trip down memory lane.

Then, I decided I could not for a single second stand looking through my scratched cheater readers anymore and I jumped back into the car and went to the bookstore where I purchased them a couple of years ago to get replacements. On the way back from the bookstore I ran into the pharmacy for one of the husband’s prescriptions.

Oh wait. I messed up the order. I went to the bookstore, set up the tent and then transplanted the half dead plants. Which is why when I finally made it to the shower I was red faced and dripping with sweat.

Showered, downloaded the trail camera photos from last night, made dinner, served dinner, ate dinner, downloaded what ever was on the camera I am using tomorrow so I could clear the memory card. Gathered the things I will need to take out with me tomorrow, put the dinner left overs away, tried to get even more organized and now I am ready to pass out. I sat down in a relaxing way twice today. Once was to eat breakfast and once to eat dinner.

I guess normal won’t be too hard to get back to.

Hungry

I didn’t really eat for three days and no one noticed.

I’ve been thinking about my typical pre-diet anxiety and how I have a neurotic need to eat all my favorite foods one more time before officially beginning, as if those foods will cease to exist and I need to say goodbye. And then I never start because there is always one more thing I want to eat. I know. I said NEUROTIC. I own it.

So, I thought, maybe it would work for me if I just dieted part time. And then I remembered that one vacation where I arrived stressed out of my mind and the husband knew this camel’s back was a single straw from breaking so he told me to get a massage on the first day and the wonderful woman who gave me a massage suggested I eat only fruit and vegetables for a few days to give my insides a rest. So that’s what I did and I felt great.

So I went to the store and bought a fresh fruit and vegetables and that’s what I did. For three days. I didn’t eat meals with the husband and Josh and no one noticed.

Then I had two normal days and this feels maintainable so I think I’m going to try going in this direction for a bit. I need to get this pandemic weight off. Then I need to get the graduate school weight off. Then I need to get the moving and hating new town weight off and then I need to get the I was fat since having kids in the first place weight off. I just need to be normal chubby. I’d give a toe if I could just wake up and live easily in my pre-children body.

A text I sent to my friend who moved away and just asked “How are things?”

We are OK. Life is still covid strange. Virtually no one is masking up outdoors anymore and you know this state’s vaccination rate is only 50%. So I have had to double down on my own mask wearing to protect the husband. Honestly, at this point it’s astounding he is still here. Every time it looks like a disaster he manages to rebound just enough to keep going. Even his doctors are surprised.

The beech trees in the woods (we were dog walking buddies) have been affected by this deadly disease of unknown pathogen called “beech tree leaf disease” and it makes their leaves dark and shriveled. So in the areas where there are a lot of beeches it’s really creepy looking. The more affected trees have barely any leaves and they look like a tragic Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

No one walks in a huge group anymore and the last time we all went out for tacos was February 2020. Life is all different. I hope it can get back to what it was someday soon. But I’m not sure.

I’ve been making a lot of photography this pandemic so that’s good. And I’m working on getting some of my series’s finalized so I can start entering them in more contests. Right now I’m working very hard on finishing up a one day project from last year’s summer solstice (before I turn around and do the same thing this year!!). I sat in one spot and photographed every bird that landed on a single tree. Last year the tree still had clumps of leaves on the end of its branches and now this year it’s totally dead so this part wasn’t planned, but in a world where the conservative guesstimate of US deaths is 600,000 my tree dying all the way seems symbolic.

Also, I’ve been photographing in my backyard every night with a trail camera. I can’t tell you how much I am enjoying this ritual. I have two foxes (hoping to see some babies!) and a bunch of deer that come regularly and have also seen mice, skunk, rabbit, opossum, coyote and now I’m hoping for a single visit from that bear!! I would be so happy if I got that on the camera.