This morning when I came downstairs with sweet pea the husband was awake and watching television. He looked at me with one of his new brain damaged expressions, like a 3 year old being proud of pooping in the potty, and declared that he had been up since 7:30 and had even showered! I just don't know what to do in situations like that because without a shadow of a doubt if he gets out of bed much before noon he will definitely require an afternoon nap, sometimes those naps turn into evening and night naps and he stays in bed from 3 or 4 o'clock one day until noon the next. I don't mind if he sleeps his tragic barely lived life away, I just find myself frustrated about whether or not I should prepare dinner for him, or become involved with something I want to do that isn't watching television with him, because I hate to get involved and then have to tear myself away from what I would rather be doing. In a world where I didn't have to take care of other people I just might be doing the things for myself that I want to do but don't do because of the fear of being interrupted. At least thats what I am telling myself. I don't recall being amazingly productive those 4 glorious days the husband was in the hospital last April. But, I was also still in pandemic shock and also had to take care of Josh. I will say one thing that I do know for certain, and that is when the husband is not around the television is not on every waking hour. Especially not reruns of shows I hate, the ones where actors can't act their way into convincing me they are tough sexually irresistible crime fighting federal agents. I barf over those story lines.
Anyway, back to him sitting there when I came downstairs this morning. It threw me. Totally completely threw me, and what I planned on doing was going to the woods nice and early but what I ended up doing was sitting there staring at my phone, trying to block out the reality that he was watching 3 or 4 annoying minutes of each program that caught his attention for 3 or 4 minutes and then changing channels one at a time in search of a show he found satisfying, as if I was not sitting 7 feet away from him but instead was totally invisible or even just didn't exist. Lil sis tells me that her husband also changes channels one at a time, like we did in the good old days when there were 3 networks and 4 off brand channels to choose from and one could do that without driving one's spouse into a fit of justifiable homicide. It successfully drove me away, (not what he intended) and I did grab my camera and head to the woods with sweet pea, but not until almost noon. When I got back around 3ish he was fast asleep.
It's a double edged sword. On the one hand I don't have to talk to someone who is tragically and frustratingly more confused with each passing day but on the other hand now I start to obsessively worry if this level of tired means something serious. I am never in a good state of mind.