Right before the husband and I got married we got a little black puppy The puppy weighed 2.4 pounds, didn’t even know how to walk yet, and was allegedly a flat coated retriever
The truth was that the puppy’s mom was a FCR and the dad was unknown. Turned out that puppy was half German shepherd and one hell of an awesome dog. Since we lived in the city at the time it was imperative that the dog play fetch. That way we could take the dog to any enclosed space and the dog could run and tire himself out. Fetch didn’t come naturally to that dog until we happened upon a squeaking tomato ball. The squeaking tomato ball turned our dog into a fetch loving beast. We used to order in bulk squeaky vegetable balls for this dog to play with.
The first time Matt ever cracked up was one day when were in the park. Matt was in a front facing baby carrier and that fantastic dog had just fetched a squeaky vegetable ball and was running back towards me while squeaking the ball in his mouth. Matt thought the dog was laughing at us and began to belly laugh right back at the dog. At first I panicked because I couldn’t see my forward facing baby’s face laughing but then I told myself to enjoy the sound and the moment and to this day when I see babies cracking up I always go right back that glorious moment in the park on a beautiful day when my silly baby laughed out loud for the first time at my running dog with a squeaky ball.
Instead of the happiness these memories should be bringing me they bring me tears. Every day I feel more worthless and less alive because every day that my own beloved child refuses to allow me to be a mother it just kills me a little bit more. I don’t think I will ever be the same.
Sent from my iPhone
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