So, update: when they back in for the biopsy it wasn’t what they thought it was. It isn’t scary. It isn’t even cancer.
Every day I drive myself nuts searching for visual clues. Is he yellow today? Too pale? Are those dark circles under his eyes? A new bruise? Did I see blood? Note to self: his hands are trembling today. Note to self: more confused than usual.
Tonight he fell in the kitchen. I went outside with sweet pea and he went in search of carbs. He fell so hard (With a baguette in his hand) and made such a clatter that sweet pea jumped in the yard and I thought a wild animal had run into the back door. (Of course that’s what I thought. Technically, I’m afraid of nature) I headed for the house after recalling the precise location of the emergency wild animal baseball bat and air horn bursting through the backdoor shouting something about a wild animal when I saw his legs laying on the floor sticking out from the area between the sink and stove.
He can not for the life of him figure out how he fell. He often says he tripped when what he does is lose consciousness, but his amazement at hitting the ground is really unsettling. He doesn’t know he was probably (as is typical) overcome with dizziness and frozen, unable to think or move before just blacking out until he hit the floor. Thats just how it happens to him every time. Unless I’m there to body slam him into the wall (annoying the beejeezus out of him) while directing him to bend his knees and slide down to the floor. if I’m right there I’ve got not covered. The fear is when I’m not in the house. Or at least watching him.
Oy vey.
This is so hard. Too hard.
Sent from my iPhone
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