So. Yesterday was quite the roller coaster rid.
First I was suppressing my own personal heart attack when the surgeon asked me if it was ok to do a biopsy on what they thought was a cyst on the husband’s pancreas. The husband’s brother died from pancreatic cancer so of course I said to do the biopsy.
Then I sat in the reception area with tears streaming down my face for another 45 minutes before the husband was out of surgery and the doctor told me that when they went to do the biopsy what looked like a cyst turned out to be a collection of blood vessels so no biopsy and no cancer. I definitely have cancer PTSD. What a nightmare freaking disease.
So I was happy. And I called the husband’s primary care physician to make sure he had been given the update from the surgeon and he started to tell me how medically fragile the husband is and how worried he is about the husband undergoing the gall stone removing procedure he is having right now as I peck this post out on my phone. The doctor said that because of the husband’s state of (lack of) health that all the things that can go wrong after a surgery were so much more of a life threatening reality for the husband. Back down the roller coaster.
Part of me wishes he could just live in the hospital.
He was quite funny after yesterday’s procedure when he thought his doctor’s name was Mengele and kept on (loudly) announcing that he couldn’t believe he let a doctor named Mengele touch him and wondering if now he’d be cloned and wanted me to tell the doctor that he should leave him alone because he didn’t have a twin. Hilariously embarrassing. Poor Dr. Mengele
Apparently last night he had trouble sleeping so he decided to see if he could recall the names of all my stepford friend’s husbands. When I walked in today the first thing he asked was what one of those names were. Weird thing to do.
And, this afternoon, Mr.Dementia was feeling emasculated after I told the anesthesiologist that he has neuropathy in his internal organs and might not feel pain. Then he insisted he could climb 2 flights of stairs without getting winded. Then he insisted he could ride a bike for half an hour. I mean..... they know he is a heart failure patient. He has an implanted defibrillator!!!
I don’t know which is more heart breaking: watching him decline physically or cognitively. Everything about this sucks.
I didn’t tell him how worried his primary care physician is.
Sent from my iPhone
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