I've been a bit of funk creatively. But today, as I was strolling along camera in hand, trying to summon the vision, (after walking with my friends) I realized I was writing poetry in my head, which is a good sign. I go through some kind of process, where I focus all of my energies directly on the concept of the thing I am trying to get through in my images and then if my gaze crosses that concept I will photograph. This is why I must be alone (except for sweet pea, she can be anywhere I am) when I shoot. If I am listening or talking I can not go to the place where my head needs to be.
The husband had a bit of a scare the other day. His blood sugar was over 500 and his home meter couldn't read it because it doesn't go over 500. He does the opposite of what I ask him to do. If I tell him to go to bed he won't, if I tell him to drink more, he won't. I will not allow him to suck me into his insanity. And I can do a decent job of keeping my head in the real world, but my body responds in ways that I just have not been able to control.
Everything has been hurting so bad. But finally I feel a bit better. I've seen the chiro twice, been on the anti- inflammatory diet for a whole week, but there is one strange cramp pain in my rear ribs. It get so cramped that it takes my breath away, so I went to get a massage. Oh my gosh. To start the massage lady just gently whisks her fingers over the towel that is on top of me and I knew I was in for it. First, I requested the deep tissue massage, second the mere brush of her finger tips felt painful a some areas which are tighter than I realized. I gritted my teeth and let her elbow, pound, rub and chop me into cramped muscle submission. This woman did an interesting part of me that the other ladies normally skip. This woman did my tushy. The whole thing. Not just the upper part. I tried not to react- only to let her pound my clenched butt cheeks into relaxation. When I left I felt great. Now I am counting the seconds until I can go lie in my bed.
I must be depressed. At any given moment of the day the place I really want to be is in my bed.
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