So, I got the barbed wire braces off. It wasn't quite the experience I was thinking it might be. In my imagination I was on my knees sobbing with relief and joy that the torture was over. And as soon as they were off (in my imagination) my stress levels would plummet so low I'd wonder if I had actually been stressed before or not.
SO yeah, it didn't happen like that. First, let me say that to all of the people who smugly told me I'd be freaking out that my real teeth felt slimy after the braces I say, WRONG. They felt slick for exactly 12 seconds and then they felt like sweet relief. And that sweet relief lasted for a couple of hours until I had to return to the orthodontist for the thing that isn't exactly invisalign because its functioning merely as a retainer, except without the thick pink colored plastic on the roof of my mouth and with out the strip of metal across the front of my teeth. Instead its a complete clear my teeth shaped plastic tooth surround which annoyingly covers all of the roof of my mouth minus the small bit in the center which the orthodontist cut out without dulling the 90 degree angle cut edges. When you have one of there torture devices in your mouth you are not supposed to drink anything other than water- and nothing hot either, which has been the equivalent of taking my security blanket away from me. Folks, I walk around all day long with a travel mug full of caffeinated goodness in the form of either tea or coffee (mostly tea, which explains the strange orange hue to the few parts of my teeth which are still mine and not ceramic filling) and taking that away from me is akin to stealing a baby's pacifier. Not kidding. I am completely unnerved, not to mention slightly dehydrated.
Also, this fool orthodontist didn't tell me how to get the thing out of my mouth and the first night I almost had a heart attack thinking I'd need to go to the ER to get it out because clawing at the edges along the outside of my teeth didn't budge it. It was only when I hooked my finger into the cut out part on the roof of my mouth was I able to break the suction and gradually, by alternating left and right sides, pry the appliance out of my mouth. It looks like I'm trying to purge a meal and confused about where to stick my finger. Its definitely not something I want to do in public and when I have to do it in public I shield the horrifying sight with my non-prying left hand while my right hand goes to work. I still look like I am wrestling an alien out of my throat.
The orthodontist also put some kind of glue and wire thing behind my front teeth which is supposed to anchor them and not slice my tongue to shreds but guess what is happening? I've been waxing it at night. Another topic to discuss when I file my formal list of complaints.
If you recall, dear reader, the whole braces thing came about because I knew I would detest an invisalign and did not want to be in the position of having to force myself to cooperate with something that caused me angst. And.... here I am! I suffered through braces just to end up in an invisalign. Dammit. I am ready to rip into the orthodontist.
Also, not that I want to complain or anything, but since I am already complaining in my head every day, this orthodontist dude clearly did not listen to a word I said and completely disrespected me by NOT FREAKING LISTENING. I told him I knew I would not be compliant and did not want an invisalign. I think I was so shocked when he put it in that I couldn't even respond.
And this my friends is why I am DONE - FINISHED- OVER -TAKING A LONG BREAK FROM-NOT SEEKING OUT- men. I am going in search of women doctors. If I haven't already decided you're worth tolerating I am not signing up. Can not handle being around dismissive disinterested threatened men- anymore.
Have I told you about the saga of trying to figure out why I don't feel good? Oh my gawd, I tried very hard to use this male doctor who was recommended to me, but basically he is an idiot and can not even answer basic questions about the tests he orders for me, so I will be finding another doctor. I just can not handle incompetence right now. Especially when it comes from a man. I just assume a certain level of condescension and I'm not going down that road. Just can not. Also, I need a doctor who is smarter than I am- because I am well versed but not a doctor, so I want to be impressed by your breadth of knowledge and not have to school you on how allergy tests work.
In the good news department, I don't have bladder cancer, which I didn't think I had. And in a couple of weeks I'll be seeing the kidney doctor to find out there is nothing wrong with my kidneys, which is what I want to be told despite the blood, red and white blood cells in my urine. So, yay for being fine.
Comments