I just wish I could have some period of time where that little nagging voice in the back of my head isn't telling me that there is something I should be doing.
In my imagination, which is surely wrong, I imagine that stress free scenario happening only in a world where I live as a lonely widow all by myself, in a teeny little house. As if, there are no dogs to walk (I can't imagine my life without a dog) or bills to pay or something to clean or repairs that need to be done, or doctor visits which need to be scheduled....
I was going to get on top of some overdue yearly dr. visits I should have done last fall and I finally got around to calling the doctor in question, who would also give me my yearly mammogram referral only to find out that the dude, who I never liked in the first place (Because, this is absolutely legit- He was so weird with the yearly breast exam, touching my massive bosoms for all of 30 seconds each, making me feel like I was somehow violating him with my need for a breast exam.... It made me think that someone somewhere down the line had accused him of something inappropriate and now he was afraid of touching boobs, which as a gyno should mean either a change of plans and taking a teaching position or early retirement... but whatever, I never had any plans on living here forever, so I never bothered to get a new gyno, until he stopped taking my insurance and is asking some astronomical amount for a yearly exam) and now I have to find a replacement for. So, I've been dragging my ass on it. I did get a recommendation for a female (hopefully less knocker fearful) gyno, but never got around to actually making that appointment, which is more confusing than you might imagine since I don't actually know what all was happening within my extraordinarily sick mother.
Did I ever tell you that after my dad died my sister found my mother's death certificate and it listed ovarian cancer as one of the many causes of death? Is it possible my mother had ovarian cancer and never thought she should mention it to her biological children?? YES it is! That happens to be the kind of woman my mother was, so I get to go into the doctor and say that among all the things I know were wrong with my mother there was also this questionable post mortem diagnosis of ovarian cancer, so basically, I may as well have been adopted and just assume that anything is possible. Thanks Mom!
In the mean time, I am sick as a dog. It's the kind of sick where I want to sink into a bathtub filled with vicks vapo-rub while sucking on a handful of hall mentholyptus (spelling?) lozenges. Also, for some extra strange reason I feel like I'm having allergies, which is totally weird because everything is still covered with snow from the bomb cyclone blizzard we had last week. Beneath my thick out of control 20 pound sinuses and post nasal dripping congestion is an incredibly itchy throat and uncontrollable sneezing fits. I'm too sexy for this cold, too sexy.
Anyways, I'm sure there are at least 7 things I thought would make a compelling blog post today which I can't think of right now, but I need to get this sick self of mine to bed. I can't take it easy tomorrow either, because first, I have a dog to walk (best dog in the world) and second, a friend was just diagnosed with breast cancer and she asked me to be her non panicking person and come to her doctor appointments and ask good questions and take thorough notes so she can be as stressed out as she needs to be and still get the information. I can do that.
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