delusional?

So.

I didn't get into another photo gallery juried show and I was feeling pretty good about this one because the theme was TREES.  Trees are like... MY LIFE'S WORK!! I saw the email and I just couldn't ...  I actually cried.  My school friend, who knows the juror, was also very positive and encouraging and now I am feeling .. feeling ... feeling ....I'm kind of angry.  I looked at the winners on line and I feel like some of the work is kind of amateurish or even, like, intro to photography-ish.  But, you know  in the end those photos will be hanging in some gallery for a month and mine won't so maybe I am completely deluding myself.

That must be it.  I am delusional.  

I kind of hate everyone today.  I found out one of the dog owners was celebrating cheeto's victory because she can't wait to kick all of "them" out. She said this to another dog owner, who was offended and the other dog owner told me.  I had no plans to ever even look in her miserable racist direction again and then today she came flouncing down the trail right on my heels and naturally her dog was thrilled to see me (I make sure all the dogs adore me by lavishing dog treats on them) and I couldn't get away from her. She did not express her racist views to me however, she did have a brief exchange with another dog owner during which she spewed some seriously twisted hatred for designer mix breed dogs and also mutts.  Sadly, it was such a bizarre conversation to hear (these two women need more interesting lives, they are spending way too much time worrying about maintaining the purity of the breeds of their respective dogs) that I didn't interrupt and stand up for sweet pea's fabulousness and I regret it. I kind of felt like everything they said about dogs was code for race and if the two pure bred dog owners had whipped out their KKK hoods and done a little dance around a fire it would not have surprised me one bit.  But I will be surely seeing her again soon and I will gently shame her.  I am working on being a good shamer, like the kind who shames by gently and non threateningly educating the ignorant.  But really I want to yell "FUCK YOU!" and jam my middle finger down her pretentious throat.

But you know.  I'm delusional, so might be interpreting things that aren't really there.

Or I might not, because I might actually be the one who is seeing everything clearly.

Who can ever really know for sure?  No one.