So, I was either covered with bug bites or hives, and because my life as it is is not fun enough this seems to happen to me every month/6 weeks or so. A new itchy red spot popped every day for four days and they all itched like son's of bitches and I was going out of my mind when Evan suggested I take a benadryl. Good idea I said and took two. Then I couldn't keep my eyes open for 24 hours. It was quite pathetic, actually, and only on the evening of the day after I took the benadryl did I realize the cause for my total drowsiness. Luckily I was on my way into Trader Joe's when the light bulb went off so I headed straight for their little coffee shot sample stand where I was greeted by Josh's last few months of 8th grade teacher who I totally didn't recognize, until she spelled it 100% out for me and then I told her how fabulous Josh is doing while scorching my mouth on paper shot glass after paper shot glass of Trader Joe's sample coffee. Also, I didn't have my fake teeth in at the time and I am pretty sure I was having a horrendous hair day, so I can not even imagine what she ran into school today to tell to the head guy (who she still works with at a new school since Josh's school announced they were shutting their doors at his graduation.) It probably went something along the lines of "Hey! I saw Josh's mom. Can you call child welfare on a kid you used to know? Any chance she likes drinking too much? Or maybe the white powder? I thought for a minute she was a homeless woman or maybe John Quinones doing one of those What Would You Do? candid camera things. But it was just Josh's mom and she was doing scalding hot black coffee shots like she hadn't slept for three days, and she kind of looked it too. Should we be concerned? He was such a nice kid."
Speaking of Josh. I am somewhat grateful and a teeny bit concerned that he is taking the whole "being the only one in the family that does not worry me to pieces" thing a bit to heart. I asked him if he had any dinner requests and he said "What ever is easiest for you." Then today I asked him if he could bear the same marinated chicken breasts that we have been eating twice a week since I have to make it in bulk for Evan who is still eating the exact same thing every single day because he is doing his "dirty bulk" and thinking he is going to be a disgustingly muscular body builder, and Josh said SURE. He is just as sweet as can be, and as much as I appreciate him being easy as pie I think he should feel comfortable saying "Again? Please, anything but the chicken." You know? That's kind of how I feel inside.
The rest of what I feel inside is that if I didn't have to cook for and take of everyone else I might just crawl into bed and stay there. Me thinks depression has come for a visit. I will address this with the chiro and see if any tricks he has up his sleeve work. The local doctor wanted to give me a prescription and I just shook my head NO and asked her if she had listened to anything I told her. If there is anyone around here who has earned the privilege of a little depressive episode it is me. Then I described my life again and she said "I see. It is a situational depression." Yeah, DUH. But she suggested some alternative remedies and I happen to have one in the house and I know the chiro has the other in his office, so I'll ask him if he thinks they'll be helpful to me. Other people have suggested that this state I find myself living in has medical marijuana and that it is very good for anxiety. I have enough anxiety for crowds of people. I could be a one woman anxiety dispensary. The munchies are the LAST thing I need in my life right now.
So, November is National Novel Writing Month and every November since this started I think to myself I should write a novel. Here is a secret... When I was a kid the mirror in my bathroom was two giant mirrors which hinged down the center so you could fold them in towards each other and make the right angle and see dozens of yourself reflected around the mirror. I used spend an inordinate amount of time (if my kid spent hours talking to himself in the bathroom I would be concerned. My mom... not concerned) in the bathroom practicing what I would say to Johnny Carson when I was his guest for my best selling novel. Never in my life did I seriously consider being novelist, but this is somehow how my young self thought I was getting onto late night television talk shows. I'm gonna hold onto that dream, even though now I won't be exchanging silly late night banter with a charming old guy, I'll be exchanging it with a young one. Maybe even a young woman! Because I think that &helsea #andler might like the novel I am going to write...one day.. possibly this month. Remember, you are hearing this here first: I want @my $chumer (sorry, I just don't want to show up in their google searches so I can surprise them with this post one day) to play the character that will be loosely based on a younger thinner version of me, if I was a little nuts and did regrettable things of a exhibitionist nature, but I'm not going to give away the novel before I write it!
Comments