Cleanse day 7: The drawing muscle pains have stopped and my head feels clearer. Today I stepped up from the initial break in phase to the hard core, no carbs (aside from an apple or pear each day) phase. The biggest thing I am missing during the past week is seriously iced tea. I guess I drink more iced tea than I realized. Lately I also drink a lot of hot tea and more coffee than usual. The coffee was missed the first couple of days, then I felt too crappy for coffee, but when I am thirsty, I just think about iced tea. I drink it black and unsweetened, so I am guessing that the real appeal is the little bit of extra caffeine pep.
The biggest change in how I feel today is probably that today I cried about 5 times. Once I was watching something a tiny bit sentimental on television and the four other times I merely imagined that something bad could happen to one of the kids or me. Right now I am am tearing up while typing. Make that 6 times, though come to think about it I might be underestimating.
Yesterday I went to the doctor to "check in." I like the doctor, hate the nurse. She's clearly looking down her nose at me. She asked to weigh me, and when I pointed out that she didn't weigh me last week and wouldn't know if I had lost any weight (as if I'm not hopping on my bathroom scale every single morning!-I lost 5 pounds) she turned to me and said with a certain "I've been skinny all of my life" tone "Aren't you here for weight loss?" I told her, NO, and that weight loss was merely a happy side effect to doing what I had to do to feel well again. Skinny condescending bitch. Then she told me all about how when she gets stressed she simply can't eat and becomes emaciated, but feels just fabulous. In my mind that is the equivalent of asking me to drown her. She better not swim near me.
However, the doctor seemed oddly shocked that I had walked out of there and completely thrown myself into the whole process. She said she "was proud of me." which left me speechless. I asked "Do people come for help and say they are going to do your cleanse and then not do it?" I couldn't figure out why she was so shocked. The real question I wanted to ask was "Why didn't you have faith in me?" Then I ended up telling her how hard it was for me to ask for help because I wanted her to know why I ended up crying my symptoms to her out of frustration last week, she kept asking questions, and I ended up giving her the reader's digest version of my dysfunctional childhood. The she thought it was even more amazing that I was as determined as I am and already successful in doing the cleanse. The whole visit left me kind of confused.
But I am determined to keep it up with this cleanse. 21 more days to go. The protein powder "shakes" have the potential to do me in. I suspect I'm drinking flavored fine ground sand.
In other news, the daughter of lil sis is being bat mitzvah'ed this weekend and I have NOTHING to wear with all of this extra weight on me. SO , I went shopping last week and learned that I can not wear a dress at this weight. There will be NO DRESSES for me until I lose a major chunk of poundage. If I was getting re-married (hahahaha) tomorrow I would do it in pants. I cleaned up my bedroom recently and realized I had a surplus of nice elastic waist fancy pants. Today I slid on a couple to make sure they passed. They passed because they were too big on me when I got them (have I ever told you that I have a tendency to buy clothes that are too large? It's so weird) While looking at the nicer pair of pants in my bedroom mirror I thought to myself "My ratty sweater actually looks good with these pants, if only I could find a black top with this exact cut in a nice fabric." Guess what I found in the very first store I went to!! It was FREAKY!! I lifted it off of the sale rack and my brain screamed NO in total disbelief. I headed for the changing room and voila! It was magical. It took me all of 15 minutes to outfit myself.
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