clickmom

when I win

So, I don't want this to to turn into a diet blog.  GAH!!!!!  Did I ever tell you that in high school I had a friend who would call me almost every day and recount every single bit of food along with the calorie counts of said food which she put in her mouth that day.  

 It was something akin to torture.

That being said, I'm doing well here, thanks.  I barely moved today since I woke up in utopia without the dog and it was pouring rain, and all I did was clean, which did involve heaving a rolled up carpet onto my shoulders and carrying it down a flight of stairs, as well as two folding tables and a couple of there stair runs, so I guess a did move a bit.  But my phone wasn't in my pocket, so according to my phone I have ben practically prone the entire day.Tomorrow, weather permitting, I am not leaving the woods until I have 10,000 steps racked up.

Let's talk Lyme disease.  Recall: the new doc thinks I have it, I took the test, yanked a deer tick off of my boob a week later, and then found out that they ran the wrong tests on my blood sample, and doc said to wait a couple of weeks before I retest that way if the boob tick gave me something it will show up in my blood test.  Folks, I finally have THE lyme symptom from hell.  Joint pain.  Which was strictly knee pain until tonight and now it is knee and left shoulder pain.  Dammit.

I had "a talk" with the dentist and made it clear that I wasn't going to ever to see the inexperienced "viable tooth" zombie dentist again, and will have this same conversation with the tooth extractor about his new lackey as well.  I need old cranky medical practitioners who may not understand how I know things to be true but have learned through the wisdom of their many years and also my amazing ability to predict the condition of my rotting teeth that they should not second guess me, use the word viable and most definitely they should not give me that smug punk face and tell me I am feeling "referred" pain when I have a fucking toothache.  And, as if this wasn't going to happen, it's getting worse. Naturally the first time I sat in the chair to discuss it?  February 26th.  That's when the idiot told me it was the tooth next to it and it was viable and I should get a root canal.  Fast forward two weeks and he practically crushing my entire skull trying to yank a tooth out that is so infected it is being reabsorbed into the jaw.  Mother f........  Now I just want all of my teeth removed.  I feel like this plague is just going to spread from tooth to tooth and I want to get them out in one fell swoop.  I wish I could go live in a cave until they all get replaced.  I feel nasty with a missing tooth right up front.

They are going to give me some kind of V cone X-ray - I dunno what but that should give them a better look at the rapid decline.  Yay radiation!  If I get through this life without cancer it will be nothing short of a miracle.  You can't even know how many chest X-rays I have had.  I've had pneumonia about 7 times! Forget about all of the broken bones...  go gosh.  Just pull my teeth and put me in a rubber room and slip baby food under the door once in a while.

I spent the night in utopia so I could be there this morning when the electrician got there at 8:24. (early!)  I feel bad ditching the family , but dammit, the clock is ticking on my special place and I want to be there! It was weird being alone last night, first when I was awake, I'm so used to having my feelers out for everyone in the family, and then in the middle of the night.  The blinds were wide open because I like to look out the window but the moon must have been super bright in conjunction with just enough haze to illuminate the whole room in a blue glow all night long.  A few times I turned over because of the light and then I reached out to pet sweet pea and she wasn't there!  Left her in new town because I didn't think I'd have time to walk her and also didn't want her messing up the house.  IT WAS SO WEIRD.  I know we have to sell the house and I do want it to sell but right now my fingers crossed for a labor day closing because I would just love to spend one more summer there. Technically, I would love to grow old there, but that is not going to happen unless I win the lottery.  I'd be a great lottery winner.  I'd tip like a movie star, and just try to spread the luck around.  Damn.  I have some serious plans for when I win! 

needing boost

Day 24- and don't worry, once I get to day to day 28 (the entire cleanse cycle) I will start counting by the week so as not to drive myself insane mostly, because when you start on march 2- it's totally easy to count the days but once we switch months, hell no!  

So, I woke up this morning got on the scale and BA BAM! 3 more pounds over night! All in all I am down 17 pounds, which means I think I was down 14 when I said 13, but in any case, I am 3 pounds away from where I was last fall before my world caved in between Evan's little issue which will not be mentioned and the husband going on disability only to sit on the couch all day long every day.  Yeah, I am so close to pre disaster weight. Phew! Not that I was bikini ready (hahahahah) before this latest crisis hit, but it was where I was.  Once I get the next three pounds off I am setting my sights another 20 pound goal- the weight I was when I moved to connecticrap.  hahahaha.  I kind of totally hate it here.  The only way I am not fleeing this state the second Josh goes to college is if he ends up going to UConn and I want to pay instate tuition or something.  Even then, I will most likely leave new town.  It's not my cup of tea.  (politely) 

Did you ever notice how when the sun shines into the sun roof in the car you can see every frightening thing you never noticed in your flattering softly lit bathroom mirror?  I used to be able to say I was getting gray underneath but you couldn't see it unless my hair was tied back.  That is no longer true and the abundant gray hairs which are now growing around my part line right on top of my head are all named Evan and they are all about 6 months long.  Seriously! I lifted and looked! Damn you stress.  I wonder if I can meditate them away.  Can I de-stress my hair follicles?  

It's Good Friday, which means absolutely nothing to us, but also the sabbath, which means I can't order the inkjet rice paper I want to order from B&H for another 24 hours, but after that, it's just another day in anti-paradise.  

Actually, I did have nice walk in the woods with sweet pea and my camera today.  I wanted to get closer to some trees which were dangerously close to a swampy area and I wasn't sure exactly where the quicksand like mud began since it is all hidden under a nice layer of leaves.  Sweet pea helped out by taking the lead and when I saw her up to her dog elbows in sludge I knew that I could not get as close to my subject as I was hoping.  I was afraid my favorite hiking boots would get sucked off of my feet if I stepped onto the squishiest parts.  That was a bummer, cause the trees I wanted to get close to were interesting but there were other photos which made me happy.  At least, I think they'll make me happy.  They are still in the camera and will be in there until at least tomorrow because I'm tired.

Speaking of tired.... That is my one big complaint about this cleanse, and I am wondering if there is anything I can do about it that is not eating more.  The doc asked me if there was anything I really wanted to re-introduce and I told her that what I missed the most is (real energizing black or green) tea and (nectar of the gods) coffee and she said she didn't see why I couldn't start drinking both of those again, but .... I'm doing so well without them (other than being tired all of the time) that I don't want to rock the boat.  I'll save that moment for a late night road trip when I really need the boost.

less nebulous

Day 23.  Feel like I could just give-up on food.  Got some of the test results back today- but not the tick disease test.  There was a screw up with the original blood sample and they did not test for tick diseases. Instead they tested for other things like gut permeability, which determined that I have a way too permeable gut (leaky gut syndrome) and this comes as no surprise since the good doc diagnosed that one years ago with some test where I drank an evil witches brew of artificial sweetener that was not supposed to cross my intestinal barrier and it all crossed over as evidenced by it all ending up in my 24 hour pee collection.  That was a fun test!! 

The good news is that my sugar levels are normal, the bad news is that I have too much insulin, which new doc thinks means insulin insensitivity (am I getting this right?  I am too tired to be blogging) and not the fact that this blood was drawn after a 6 month long eating binge.  I knew I couldn't be this fat forever and not have some kind of health issue.  The other thing that needs to be corrected is my cholesterol, which will certainly be down from this sugar free (did you know that sugar raises cholesterol levels?) cleanse.  New doc wants me to stay on this cleanse as long as possible, and to be honest, I feel like I can ride this wave for a while longer, especially because once I got over feeling completely ill from it I noticed that my thinking felt clearer and now I am even going to go as far as saying that I feel psychologically more grounded, and I haven't really done anything different besides this cleanse. You heard it here first folks, I feel less crazy, which is interesting to feel since I have always my entire life imagined myself to be the kind of person who becomes a batty old lady one day. (My personal narrative involved me walking around in some sort of tutu with a magic wand giving out home baked cookies to the neighborhood children who have been told by their parents it is okay to accept the cookies from me, the batty old lady of the neighborhood-also crooked red lipstick) I don't know who I am going to become if I don't go the coo coo for cocoa puffs route.  I need a plan B.

The wheels are turning.  Here is one plan B: I'll get thick funky glasses, grow my rapidly graying hair long, dress in long drapey black clothes (and clunky black orthopedic shoes) and become a street photographer, because the woods are no place for long drapey black clothes. At least the camera makers are making good cameras lighter and lighter.  Now all they have to do is make digital look exactly like film.  But I think this version of old lady might be a bit overdone, especially if you hang out in places like the Museum Of Modern Art.  Damn you Georgia O'Keeffe!  Everyone wants to look like you!

So, I'm going to stick to this cleanse longer than the 28 days it is meant to be for.  I'm down with that.  Also, I am totally going to cook in large amounts and do some freezing this weekend because then it is super easy to do.

I spent 2.5 hours sitting in the hall at Josh's school this evening.  I finished Bossypants (Tina Fey)  She really covered a lot of stuff in that book, which was interestingly about sexism as well funny and about her life.  I feel like I can relate the sexism part more than ever since the wonderful world of photography is also a boy's club and some of the bullshit that goes down makes me want to puke.  If I win the lottery I intend on evening the score.

This morning I walked sweet pea for almost 3 hours.  Then I went back later on without her and with my camera. All in all my phone is telling me I walked over 15,000 steps, or over 7 miles today and that includes about 20 flights of stairs somehow.  My legs are tired.  But the new doc suggested I go back to the gym (after all this time I feel like I don't even know how!!) so I will, but this is going to be hard.  I don't feel like I belong at this gym, which is technically The Y, and I'll have to suck it up for a bit and take some group classes to work out all the kinks and hopefully I can get back into half the shape and strength I had going on when I moved to this god forsaken new town.

The husband's brother has a funny name for this state.  He calls it Connecticrap.  Hahahaha.  I'm going to fall asleep chucking over that one, because I am at that level of tiredness when I can just laugh myself silly over anything.

I have what I think is an exciting idea for a book/photobook series brewing in my head.  I think I might want to trademark the title before I do anything about it though. I have one concern, which is that because there is such a heavy theme involved that the photography will not be taken seriously, but if it is a successful idea and opens doors for me, or even gives me half of my 15 minutes of fame then I think I am down with it.  I'll keep you posted in a less nebulous way.  

doable threats

Day 20.

I do feel more clear headed and I do feel more goal oriented, but tired most of the time.  Yesterday, I suddenly realized that if I were viewing my home I might be concerned about the mental health (Hello? Is the director of hoarders?  I have a lead for you.)  of the occupants. So I did some cleaning.  It's a miracle.  I have (much) more to do, but it was pretty amazing what got done in a few hours.  Today I did a little bit more.  But I was a little concerned about myself because I was seriously dragging myself around the woods this morning.  I really had to focus on lifting my feet with each step so as not to fall over rocks or tree roots.  Then I got my period and I wondered if maybe this is the reason why (I'm a clear headed zombie) no weight loss last few days?  We shall see.  If it is that should be resolved before Thursday when I see the doc.  I thought I might be over missing coffee and tea by now, but nope.  Every day I get happy thinking I am near a coffee place and then I get sad when I remember I swore off it for 28 days.

I went back to the tooth pulling dentist today to try to explain that the tooth next to the tooth he already pulled is throbbing with pain.  And (no surprise here) he didn't see anything wrong with it!  He spoke of referred pain.  I reminded him that I came in originally complaining of temperature sensitivity in that tooth and with the return of the cold air the last two days I find myself unable to breath through my mouth when hiking up mountains, so YEA!!!  It still hurts A-Hole.  Damn this dentist and his five star rating.  WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER BELIEVE ME????

I suspect I am stuck in some kind of bizarre twilight zone episode where everyone is secretly trying to drive me insane by denying the reality of whatever I say.  I guess I'll just sit around and wait for my little brown dying tooth nugget to turn into a legitimate toothache, and then I will make this dude swear to take my word as gospel the next time around, which he won't because somehow my shit doesn't feel like showing up on x-rays, and everyone is convinced my crumbling teeth are viable despite the fact that I have enough metal implants in my jaw to play jacks with.  If anyone ever digs me up it is gonna be quite the sight, especially since I'll also have two fake knees and at least one metal hip by the time I go. (God willing I live long enough to replace all my joints!!) Now I'm feeling kind of jealous over the husband's 2 metal plates, 2 pins and 17 screws elbow.  I got some stiff "most titanium" competition in him. 

I hate traveling and I don't particularly enjoy your standard issue vacations but I do find myself feeling quite jealous lately when I see that people I know are in warm places. The northeast might not be the place for me.  Today some people were talking about Santa Fe.  I think I could be happy in the desert. Until I find out that they have weird spiders, snakes, rodents et al... and then I have to give myself that talk that the place with no threats does not even exist, so just find a threat that's doable. (Not earthquakes or landslides)

I'm tired and getting totally distracted by the "related posts" typed shows me on the bottom of the page.  There is the 5 year old who lost a tooth, the baby who sprouted one and something about the debut of a tooth fairy.  See kids?  Nothing is fair. When you get old you have to pay to get your teeth taken out! Better invest that tooth fairy money wisely.  I should have been dentist. Life!!  

battle of wills

So, the cleanse doctor cancelled on me last week and now I don't see her again until next Thursday. Fingers crossed my tests results are in by then.  I feel like I am in a battle of wills with my weight.  I suspect it isn't going to budge and I am going to stubbornly keep on eating the paltry amount of food this cleanse authorizes.  Today I skipped my all vegetable lunch.  Not because I planned on it or even wanted to but because since it is Sunday I puttered around the house this morning and didn't get out as early as usual, then I took sweet pea for nearly two and a half hours in the woods, thinking it would be her one big outing for the day.  (Evan's friends are home on break from their colleges and he is currently taking sweet pea for another two hour hike.  I know she is going to be very tired this evening!  I love it when he walks her.  I think she loves it too.  And I really love it when she so pooped she can hardly move all evening.) So I didn't end up eating breakfast until 11:30 and that just shifted everything making me need to cancel some part of eating for the day, especially since during this part they have two snacks a day.  Ooops, Looks like I passed on a snack too.  Which is too bad since the snacks are fruit and I do like fruit.  I missed it during the fish and vegetable only part.  bleh.  I am totally craving eggs for the entire time and I there is a little voice in my head wondering if a passion for eggs means eggs are trouble for me.  Like sugar, or any drug that makes me skinny, because at this point I might take risks.  I am tired of being fat!! I want to bend over to tie my boots with ease.  You know I am totally lying about the drugs.  I won't even take tylenol for this incredible mouth pain I'm still freaking in.

Speaking of mouth pain ... Today I felt around on my gums and felt a weird bump on the side of extraction.  I'll call him tomorrow.  Grrrr. Also, with all that yanking the other day my face is now strangely no longer even close to symmetrical.  Normally this means a few trips to see the chiro in step ford but I am hoping the new chiro who miraculously healed my pinched neck nerve can do a miracle here too.  I'll take a 15 minute drive over a 90 minute drive any day.  I'm not sure putting head bones back is normal chiropractor care though.  I'll call her and see what she says. In either case I am seeing her on Wednesday anyways.  But now that I noticed my messed up face every time I pass my reflection I can't help but tilt my head back to see one round nostril and one oval nostril and one round check and one flat check.  I know it sounds like this might have something to do with swelling, but swelling is not my issue.  Yay! One thing I don't struggle with!! 

I photographed this morning on my hike with sweet pea.  I think I might need some fresh territory.  I hate to even think this but I feel like I have combed through every inch of the woods so thoroughly that I know it inside and out.  It's getting harder and harder to find what I am looking for right now.  It's also funny to me how when the woods were still new to me I thought they were HUGE and I would get lost and have to take out my phone and watch the blue dot that was me to see if I was even moving in the right direction. Now that I know these woods like the back of my hands, (which are getting alarmingly crepe-y these days, by the way) I am never lost.  I am super confident and feel that creepy relationship thing every ten feet.  Needless to say I have many many images of these woods.

My MFA friend called me today and remarked on the strange-ness of someone publishing a book of outtakes.  I reminded her that sometimes there are really good photos that just don't go with the theme of a book, and I would love to be famous enough to go into the archives and publish books with good photos I happened to take that didn't make it into the book I was working on at the time.  Sounds like a fabulous idea to me!  I'm already remembering photos that I loved and had to leave by the wayside.

Well, I looked for one which I thought I might to share with you, but on second thought, it didn't rock me as hard as I thought it would.

figuring

It's day 18.  10 days to go.  I have no idea what I'm going to do after this cleanse.  I'm hoping the doctor just hands me another cleanse because right now I feel like the best thing I can do is follow someone else's very strict plan.  So, here is how the weight loss for the first 18 days went down.  Steady loss of about a pound a day until day 10.  Then NOTHING for 6 days.  Now I'm down three more.  The biggest victory?  I've been wearing workout clothes or sweat pants all winter because I refuse to buy bigger pants.  Today (out of laundry desperation) I reluctantly tried on a pair or jeans that had become leggings which cut off my circulation at the waist.  AND THEY FIT!! They were comfortable enough that I wore them to take sweet pea to the woods and am even sitting here now typing away with them buttoned up! If my life was a broadway musical pulling on those jeans would have been a big all cast on stage breakout in song and dance moment. (That last sentence was inspired by seeing the high school student production last night)

Speaking of which, last night I took Josh to see the big high school play, the dance musical that he did not get cast in, but which afforded him the chance to audition for the student directed play for which he earned the leading role, so maybe a lucky defeat. None of my kids are sharers.  When they do talk to me, it is not ever about their personal lives, even if I ask questions.  One of my concerns about Josh was if he was making friends after transitioning from the tiny trailer park private school to the humongous public high school.  Of course, I want to know that he is happy.  His happiness is my bottom line and I believe that having friends is important.  But he never mentions friends.  Until last night!  When we were on our way out of the theater two other young men who were sitting near us called him, grabbed him, threw their arms over his shoulders, introduced him to their mothers, and strolled down the hall with him.  I'm so happy.  

Okay, back to this cleanse.  I find it fascinating that I didn't lose anything for that week especially since I calculated that I am not quite eating 1,000 calories a day.  This does not come as a total surprise to me, however, since I am quite fond of trying to tell the doctor that I should be about 20 pounds overweight and not as overweight as I am.  While I don't really want to hear that I have some kind of problem, I do feel that not losing weight while adhering to this cleanse is a gigantic red flag.  My fingers are crossed that in those 27 gallons of blood I packaged up and fed-exed to some kind of lab for "deeper" testing there will be some results which further validate my beliefs.  

In the mean time, I had another tooth yanked out exactly 4 days ago and I am in PAIN over here.  I stopped myself when I realized that I was trying to strategize on how I am going to describe the pain to the dentist in order to be taken seriously.  I suspect that other people sitting here in my pain/position right now would be phoning the doctor on his cell phone and demanding hardcore drugs. Part of what makes me so hard for people to understand is that I don't want to take the hardcore drugs.  I just want some sympathy for the suffering.  I got a stomach ache after taking too much of the prescription strength advil they prescribed me, so I am trying to minimize the tylenol I'm leaning on as well.  I like my liver, folks, and I am aiming for a long lifetime relationship with it.  So, yeah, suffering is the word of the weekend.

I think it might be related that when Matt was a baby and had an undiagnosed allergy to milk, I recall feeling completely overwhelmed and wiped out from caring for this child who never slept and pooped 12 times a day at least. (Thank god he was a happy baby!!) I told a group of other young mothers that I could not believe how much he pooped and they all agreed and said they couldn't believe how much poop comes out of baby too. Then they kind of seemed more overwhelmed than I felt and I just brushed it off.  I kind of figured everyone was changing their baby every 2 hours too.  Then Evan came along 4 years later and I was shocked to discover that digestively normal babies do not poop a dozen times a day.  Then I realized that those wussy mothers who all said it was wearing them out had babies who pooped 3 times a day and I wished I could go back in time and slap them all.  Everyone loves to complain.  Which I suspect is why I feel like I am never taken seriously.  I save my complaining for you guys, and am totally self conscious about complaining out loud and since so many people just complain away without even reason to complain my gentle hinting and problems might not even register for most people.  Even now, the entire right side of my face is screaming out in pain, (despite the tylenol I took an hour ago) and I am feeling ashamed for being a big whiny baby because someone somewhere has it worse than me.  I gotta figure this one out.

I'd like to end on a good note here.  The tick I pulled out of my boob last week did not test positive for Lyme disease.

share

I mentioned vellum a few days ago.  Here is one of the better test results.  There is gold leaf on the back, hence the yellow tint to it.

 

looking hill billy again

Day 15.  Holding strong despite the annoying fact that I haven't lost a single pound since day 10.  Fuck my thyroid, or whatever hormone failing organ which thinks this paltry amount of intake is enough to maintain my current weight of "I look like I've been inflated" obesity.  Seriously, I figured it out and I am eating less than 1,000 calories a day. On Friday I'm checking in with the doctor who suggested this cleanse to me and hopefully she will have some news on the 12 quarts (might be exaggerating) of blood they took from me for testing.  Please!!  I have spent the last 15 years telling good doc that I know I don't eat like a skinny person, but I don't think I should be as fat as I am.  If there is a reason for this that can be managed (or cured? Fecal transplant? Yes, I am desperate) I will be so relieved.

A few weeks ago when I noticed some cold sensitivity from what turned out to be my canine (even though I could have sworn it was the dying brownish tooth in front of the canine) I went straight to the tooth removing dentist to get it removed.  He did some x-rays and did determine that a root canal was necessary.  I held up my hand (as in talk to the hand) because I do not do root canals.  If you recall, the last time I attempted a root canal I ended up with a major toothache in San Francisco- 2 weeks later- while in session for school and had to waste an afternoon getting that tooth removed by a strange dentist and then the rest of the school session clutching my face in agony with trigeminal neuralgia waiting for night to zone out on oxycodone.  I will pass on that ridiculousness again.  

The problem was the usual tooth remover Dr. is MIA and I had to see the partner, who is not familiar with my amazing ability to rot my own teeth.  Also, the partner does not grasp my own personal level of I don't give a flying wazoo un-vanity and could not wrap his head around the fact that once my tooth goes to the dark side I want it out ASAP and could not care less if a fake tooth retainer has been created yet because in all likelihood I am not going to wear the painful fake tooth retainer anyway. I made an appointment for a future removal and I settled on a pulpotomy as a temporary measure from the real dentist's associate, who upon hearing that I intended to remove the tooth which was sure to fail sooner rather than later because I HAVE A RECORD AND THAT IS HOW IT GOES  kept repeating like a mother fucking zombie I can't condone removing a viable tooth I can't condone removing a viable tooth, as if she was hypnotized or something.  But the worst part is that I allowed this ignorant (of my personal history) woman to cause me to doubt myself.  I feel like sometimes I come across as a person who has some kind of strange rare psychological disorder where I want my teeth removed with out cause.  Because, you know, all of those insane oral surgeries I suffered through only to have them removed in the end were just a party.

Anyway, last weekend I was feeling strangely pained from the now nerveless tooth which I ignored knowing that I had my appointment coming up and I got the rotten bugger removed yesterday.  Half way through the all too familiar procedure I realized something was wrong, so I turned down the music (70's lite rock on pandora) on the headphones and listened in on the dr and nurse and lo and behold, sweet sweet validation was mine all mine!!  My entire tooth was so infected that the roots were being re-absorbed into the jaw bone.  Which means, had I had a root canal on February 26th, the day I originally tried to have toothy infected removed that root canal would have lasted less than 3 weeks!!  Damn.  I must never let anyone cause me to doubt myself again.  Also, I am not crazy!

Afterwards I made the partner Dr. tell me I was right in the first place and you know I am going to do the same as soon as I go to the regular dentist.  I might make the dentist actually apologize because she is young and has disrespected her elders by disrespecting me.  I am totally going to milk this for all I can.

preparing for something magical

Day 14.

This cleanse is not a walk in the park.  I am still missing iced tea.  As a note of pride, I made it through lil sis's daughter's bat mitzvah staying on program.  My lips did not touch an alcoholic beverage, a tasty pastry wrapped miniature weenie, a slice of the cake, or even a single piece of candy from the awe inspiring candy able.  Damn.  I even brought my own food and asked for a plate and put my own food on it and ate that way.  Damn.  Go me.  Not sure who is more impressed with this, me or the people who saw me turning down everything.  At one point my step sister tried to start an embarrassing chant, because, what "dieter" doesn't want the entire room to know that she is not partaking in the festivities? (eye roll)  I cut her right off.

The bad news is that I think the protein powder (aka: finely ground flavored sand) shakes are disagreeing with me. It's been building up.  At first I noticed that my belly was a tad bit swollen and then maybe kinda a little tender and then yesterday was bathroom time.  Hahaha.  In the information packet it tells you what to do in case you can not go to the bathroom but there is no advice when the other extreme occurs. I held off on the second and third powdered sand shakes for the rest of the day and I think maybe I did realize that they are indeed killing my appetite, because I was thinking about food the entire night. But I didn't eat anything I am not supposed to eat.  Tonight I will only be 1/2 way to the end of this program. Yuck.

I'll eat the sand powdered shakes today and if they make me sick again I'll give the doctor a call tomorrow.  I miss meat.  I have been thinking a lot about rotisserie chicken.

I was going to enter a printmaking contest and thought that today would be the perfect day to make the prints.  Much to my deep unhappiness I double checked to make sure what the contest parameters are and saw that the dead line for submitting prints was Friday.  I want to cry.  But there is always another contest at this place, so now I can just do the next one.  As a matter of fact, I think the next one is already posted.

That is about all  have going on.

My school friend took a workshop in printing on vellum, and her samples looked exciting.  Now I have some vellum and I am going to see what kind of magic I can work with my own prints.

Today is day 10

Today is day 10 on this hellish cleanse. I'm kind of proud of myself!  Hellish?  Guys, there is no caffeine on this cleanse and all day long I fantasize about iced tea.  Green or black, doesn't matter!  Just the largest iced cold cup with a nice long straw sitting comfortably in my paw, there for relaxing sipping and an extra boost of alertness.  Dang, I miss the real stuff.  I met a new town friend, we can call her Red, for "coffee" today.  I got to our coffee house first and was sipping something when she showed up.  I told her about this one huge negative factor of the cleanse and her eyes widened and looked at my cup.  I said "Don't worry, it's mint tea, no caffeine." She didn't even know there was such a thing at this place!! 

There isn't much news to report here.  My knees still hurt, which saddens me.  I know there are knee replacements in my future and seriously, if I could time travel I would totally go back to the day when I let my "friends" convince me to go down the black diamond slope for our last run even though I knew it was way above my skill level and I would grab my foolish young self by the shoulders and scream DO YOU WANT KNEE PAIN UNTIL YOUR DYING DAY???  CAUSE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DESTROY BOTH KNEES IN ONE MONUMENTAL FALL ON THE BLACK DIAMOND SLOPE!!!  I'm hoping that losing 100 pounds will be the magic which lets me keep my own cartilage-less knees until someone figures out how to 3D print a knee replacement out of each patients own personal tissue and then I will sign up to receive my own youthful pre-skiing idiocy knees back again. By the way, when the day comes and I do get knee replacements I am totally naming them. 

Yup, you heard it here first.  I lost 10 pounds in 10 days.  I'm guessing half of those pounds were water, since before the cleanse I was waking up so puffy I couldn't bare to look in the mirror.  Red, who had not seen me in 2 weeks, told me I looked good and she felt so much better because she had been worrying about me since the last time we had real amazing dreamy columbian roast heavenly coffee.

Another benefit is that a little dime sized patch of excema I have had on my face since I was a teenager, but which seemed to be spreading the past 6 months is completely gone.  This leads me to believe there is another food allergy happening, but since I am eating so few different foods right now it is hard to tell precisely which food was the culprit.  Better not be chicken. Or eggs.  Or turkey.  I might be craving protein.  This part of the diet I can eat fish, but it isn't the same.  Especially with out the barbecue rub, ketchup or cranberry sauce.  I gotta stop.  I'm getting hungry.