Another F-ing dog peed on me which is why I am considering hurting other people's dogs. This dog's owner also admitted to me that her dog had peed on other people and I can not for the life of me why people who own dogs who pee on strangers do not watch their dogs!!! Seriously, the next dog who even thinks of lifting a leg on me is going to get it! I did swat at this dog but it had moved away and now I am wondering what I can carry in my pocket and hold in my hand when standing in the field incase someone else gets ideas. I think a taser or some pepper spray might do the trick, but I'm already weird for the "tree relationship" thing, (remember?) so I was thinking more along the lines of canned air or a super soaker. Also, maybe I should wear a plastic poncho from now on.
In the world of I now have super sonic hearing some of the time and the moron ENT wants to give me allergy drops to completely destroy my immune system I am in an almost constant state of over stimulated. It is unfortunate. Between my super sonic hearing, my usual super sonic sense of smell and the synesthesia I am dreaming/fantasizing about being locked in solitary confinement. Except in solitary I could probably still hear the sound of the venting system (like right now the hot air blowing sounds like a freight train in the room) so maybe I'll have to buy one of those sensory deprivation water tanks instead. Or a sauna. I miss the smell of hot sauna wood. I totally miss the posh club. It's been on my mind due to the 20 pounds I have managed to gain since Evan got in trouble and also since I can tell that I am seriously out of breath when hiking around the woods.
I've decided that I just can't fight all of my weirdo idiosyncrasies and why bother?
Pretty much the sound of sports broadcasts are enough to push me over the edge of sanity. Why the viewers of sports need someone to tell them what they're seeing is beyond me. And why the broadcasters feel the need to speak in this artificial cadence is just ... beyond again but it makes me nauseated just thinking about that weird thing they do with their voices. So, since the super bowl is on right now, (and apparently so important that the CNN app felt the need to let me know it had officially started-WTF?) I have sequestered myself in a different room. The unfortunate thing is that I can still hear both the television and the sounds of the husband and Evan shouting at the television (oh dear lord, why????) and since I left my headphones upstairs next to the bed I am soon going to tip toe up there and stay up there for the duration.
Evan, with all of his new found free time has been going to the gym a lot. He talks about bulking and cutting. All I hear is "I have a superficial more than typical 18 year old dude obsession with my appearance" Sorry Ev. I am looking forward to you getting through this stage. Because what I would like to hammer into your head is that no one cares about your 6 pack besides you and that you would be much better served spending time trying to be the kind of guy who expresses emotions instead of masking them with machismo. I couldn't care less how much you bench press and every time you talk to me about gym stuff the only thing I want to say is "Don't hurt yourself!" but I don't say anything because then you would never to talk to me at all.
Also, certain despicable presidential candidates make my skin crawl and I am finding this to be the most unbearable pre-primary season ever. Do we have to let everyone off the streets run for president? Really?
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