me and my woods, evolving

It's been on my mind for a while to write something about the evolution of my relationship with the woods (or at least the woods I have been photographing) in the 4 years I have been in new town. I don't think I have written anything yet, but if I did, you can either skip this or let me know which post was better written.

When we first moved to new town I made the conscious decision to keep my head down and not get involved with the schools or synagogue or even try to make friends because I was applying to [email protected] and I was so sure I'd be enrolled in school a year later. After [email protected] spit in my middle aged house wife face rejected me (the first time) I had two thoughts, the first of which was that I would reapply the next fall and prove to the burnt out (oh, he made such a bad impression on me during the prospective student day) old coot who rejected me the moment he glanced at my application that I was serious about grad school and the second thought was that it had been foolish to work so hard on my portfolio and then only apply to one school. I considered other schools. I was determined to get in somewhere. There are a few good programs in the city but I was reluctant to even apply as I could not imagine myself hopping on a train and heading down to the city three or four days a week, especially carrying huge photographs.

Whoops. There I went, ZOOM, straight off topic.

So, point is, I made the decision to isolate myself. Then I had to wait two years to begin an MFA program. In the mean time, we ended up sending Josh to the teeny tiny trailer park school, and it was located past the dog park people kept telling me about. I wasn't rushing off to spend time in that dog park because I had situationally made some friendly acquaintances at the fields near my house. The big problem with the fields near my house is that some of the dogs that walk there are asshole dogs with ineffective owners and even though the asshole dogs were not bothering bear bait the people I wanted to walk with started avoiding the place because their dogs were under attack. So, eventually I went to explore the woods at the dog park and it was love at first hike. Then the teeny tiny trailer park school cancelled their school bus service and instead of kissing Josh goodbye in my own driveway every morning I had to jump into the car and drive the 20 minutes to trailer park school, so I put bear bait in the car and hit the woods for a hike every day on my way home. Now bear bait, my old dog love, was one anxiety ridden anti social dog. On a walk she had one mission only and that was to keep moving forward. As long as were moving she was fine. This means there was no standing around and socializing for me. Sometimes I would come upon another dog owner walking on the trails and we would walk and chat for a while but that was about it. I loved the woods. I loved looking at the shapes and lines and colors and I love the smells and the sounds and watching everything as it all evolves. I was content to wander around the woods with bear bait my my side and have the woods be just a hike with visual delight thrown in.

And sometimes I would bring along my 35mm camera and take photos, even when my main subject was the family I would take those woods photos and show them to my first (friendly and helpful) advisor. Then bear bait died. I couldn't bring myself to go back to the woods I had so enjoyed with her. I finished the first project and needed a second project. I choose to go back to the woods with my camera. And I did, and I made some real good work there. Without a dog by my side I was totally a fish out of water! I went tot he woods to experience the woods to feel and breathe the woods but other people were there to get their dogs exercised and not to commune with nature. By standing still taking photographs I saw more people than ever before, but the people were suspicious o me with my camera. I wasn't one of them anymore. No one seemed to realize that I was the very same person who had just been there months ago with my dog. I almost made people nervous with my camera, as if I might be looking at and photographing them. Sometimes people were nervous about their dogs being near my tripod but I always said "It's fine, I know I am in a dog park, the dogs belong here and I love dogs." I still got odd stares. But being there with my camera was about connecting with the woods, not the people.

Then my book was ready to be published and it is a book of beautiful landscape triptychs, mostly soft and dreamy. But they are very quiet and contemplative, and the woods is full of tress and plants of various stages of life and death and it is the end stages that stand out in this edit of work.

Then sweet pea came into my life and I wasn't finished photographing for my MFA project, so I took my tiny new puppy to the woods and tried to photograph, except she would move the tripod by getting tangled with the leash. I had to test her and see if she would stay close enough without me holding the leash. And she was amazing!! Best puppy ever!! But I still had that tripod and that somehow made people keep their distance from me. Then the spring came and by May I was still shooting just a little bit but had moved away from the tripod so I could move faster but still, that came was a buffer. Once I put the camera down two things happened. I became more approachable as the human with the dog and I opened up to the other people too. When I was shooting I could not engage in conversation, or if I did attempt to chat I suspect it may have been obvious that my mind was really elsewhere.

Fast forward to this fall and sweet pea and I were making friends! She is a good even tempered player, plays nice with all dogs and I was not completely distracted. Then the robbery happened and I suggested to the people we hung out with that we start that group text incase someone needed to contact everyone else quickly (you know, incase the guy we all saw who we think was the lookout dude came back into the woods and we needed to tell the honest people of the park to get to the parking lot pronto!) and suddenly we all had each other's phone numbers. Which led to organized meet ups and eventually coffee's at a nearby coffee shop after dog walking time. We are also planning a girl's weekend at utopia. And now the dog park/woods has become a happy place of togetherness and the center of my social life!

If you read this far then you deserve a peek. Here are two of my favorite triptychs from the book.