Today is one of those days where I just want it to be over because even though I know I won't have any quality sleep tonight it's less awful than being awake. I know I just have to ride out this wave of BAD SHIT IS HAPPENING AND WILL CONTINUE TO HAPPEN FOR A BIT LONGER but late at night I just can't muster the energy. It's been two and half weeks since I last slept peacefully, and it is taking a toll on me. This morning I managed to stay awake long enough to get Josh to school and then thankful for the rain I came home and crawled back into bed for a few more hours. Sleep was hard to come by but I fell asleep eventually.
The husband is officially on disability now and for the second day in a row he didn't leave the house. I have a lake friend whose husband suffers from chronic pain and possibly depression, so I can see from the outside what living with someone who doesn't resemble the young and healthy person you married is like. Now I am going to toss living with that into the mix and to be honest with you, dear reader, I just do not have the reserve right now to deal with the husband's self inflicted self harm.
I've been going over and over the hundreds of photos I took while bailing Evan out of jail and am working them into a sequence. They're not happy photos, they are reflective of the depths of despair my head went to during that time. They are dark, both literally and figuratively. I am in a dark place.
I'm thinking about it like a really long water slide down a dark plastic tunnel. I'm on my way down, I know the bottom is there. I know I'll be fine eventually, but I have no idea how much longer the ride is going to be and I'm getting pretty scared about it.
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