Every summer around this time (the week school starts) I get The Blues. It actually makes me smile to think The Blues because that is a phrase grandma used to use, except she had them just about every day. I get them from time to time. I am feeling so incredibly sorry for myself these days. Having to put utopia on the market, sacrificing two glorious utopian summer weeks for the last three summers in order to get my MFA, and now this? It's hard to swallow. Even if utopia doesn't sell we will probably have to rent it out next summer to make ends meet. All of this on top of school starting feels like a lot to handle right now. I feel like I can type this because the kids would rather be re-circumcized than read their mother's blog, but I FREAKING HATE SCHOOL. I hate that it starts at dawn in the dead of winter, and I hate the copious amounts of homework the kids are forced to do, and I HATE the uber competitiveness between the parents. I hate getting up every morning and forcing my kids to go. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON PACKING LUNCHES!!! I am the softy parent. I'd like to wrap them in blankets until they wake up on their own teenager schedule (and then secretly resent them for not caring that they wasted the day away by sleeping until noon) and let them homeschool themselves on the web. Hahaha. They'd all live in my basement like roaches for eternity.
In some itty bitty way I do like the routine of school, but itty bitty is the key here. I guess since I am too much of a marshmallow to force them into educating themselves, the public school system can go ahead and do it, but I wish there were a much better solution. It isn't private school because lord knows they are full of people who are even more fanatical than the public school parents. I just want a less stressful life for my kids. I want them to really love learning and be successful, and also get to be their unique selves, and not get beaten down by the system.
Also, if school starts this week then Back To School Night can not be far behind and wandering the school hallways with thousands of parents I don't know (because I never bothered to get to know them when I moved to new town knowing I was applying for grad school but not knowing that I'd be in a low residency program) dressed in their daughter's clothes, with too much makeup and high heels, tacky purses, and those awful overly loud long island accents, makes me weak just imagining it. It's the longest three hours of my entire fall and I am in deep psychic pain the entire time. Interestingly enough, my own high school experience was completely benign. I had a blast and didn't believe things like bullies and peer pressure really existed because I never saw any of it. Damn, it is nice in my little bubble. I hate being forced out.
Since I should be spending the whole day packing up my stuff, preparing the house to be seen, cleaning and getting ready to transition back to the sucky world, I had a great 2 hour long hike with sweet pea this morning. I brought my camera, and after breezing through the results quickly I am tickled. I think I got a bunch of good shots - I'll have to comb through again with a fine tooth comb, but I am all smiles thinking about what I quickly peeked at while downloading them onto the computer. Some days everything just falls into place. Photographically, that is. Today looks like one of those days. Glad I could get one more under my belt.
I also spent a some time laughing my head off watching Jimmy Fallon video clips on youtube. I watched some from his hashtag series, when he suggests a topic and people tweet about it. I'll have to go back there the next time I need some giggles.
It's time, to shut down the computer and clean out this work station I set up for making my book this summer. I worked so freaking hard on that book! And I did an awesome job. I'm so proud of myself!
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