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A super long time ago I happened upon my mom all teary eyed having just finished reading a book.  She told me she was inspired by this book to tell me that after she was gone from this earth I would know she was looking out for me when I found pennies on the ground.  At the time I just said "Okay, Mom" out loud because inside I was thinking something really snarky and mean.  Which leads me to believe (and also hope) that I was still in high school when this exchange took place.  

The truth is that my mom was not mushy and sentimental and the thought that she'd be looking out for me after she was dead instead of in the present (which would have been super awesome)  seemed absurd.  It felt like the whole thing was a probably uninspired shallow gesture on her part.  But it stayed with me because the whole conversation was just that strange, and that is the kind of things we all remember in the long run, aren't they?  I know I remember the things are are extra wonderful, frightening, or strange way more than I am likely to remember an ordinary day when I did ordinary things.  And my otherwise uninterested mother telling me that one day her ghost was going to send pennies (Why not winning lottery tickets, mom??) my way because when she was dead she'd finally have my back really got under my skin ... and into my memory banks.

Anyone (Mitzy?) recall how after grandma died I was convinced that she was messing with my television?  How it would turn half way on by itself in the middle of the night? And how when the husband fought me on it the family room television he was watching while being dismissive blew a picture tube?  And how we went up to utopia and I declared that if that bedroom television turned on in the middle of the night then it had to be real and it did turn on?  Guess what is happening again!  Something strange is going on with my newish (4 years old) television in my new town bedroom! Except I was kind of wondering if maybe it was my dear friend Bob who passed away last October who was doing the trickery.  It just seems like grandma should be farther away from me by now.  (She died in 2008) Right before the TV started to go wonky my trusty alarm clock lost a couple of number wedges, and I just feel like ghosts like to mess with electricity.  So, I sat in my new town bedroom looking at my 1/2 turned on television and I said out loud that I knew someone was with me but I didn't know who and if they could send me a message and make it very clear because sometimes I really need to be hit over the head to understand. Well, don't you know that in the past week I have found a penny on the ground (I think...) every day! Mom? A more typical frequency with which I find and money on the ground might be something more like, ALMOST NEVER.  Maybe three times a year?  I can't even tell you how often because it feels like it never happens at all. Mom?

Now, if I could choose a time in my life to have some moral support and just plain back up it just might be right now. School is enough to drive anyone (an possibly more of my classmates than I already know -I heard stories last night) crazy, another one of my babies is poised to leave the nest and there is a chance I am not taking it lightly, I'm 50 which I hate saying, and the husband's health is fucked up, his job uncertain, selling my fantasy come true utopia... it's all happening at the same time and it is all super stressful and I just keep imagining that poster where there is one set of foot prints in the sand and the person wants to know why god abandoned them in their tough times and god says that those are her foot prints because that is when the person got carried.  Maybe mom is carrying me. The thought that I am being carried is quite comforting, as long as I can hush that other voices my head who screams "You had to wait until you were dead to care?"

Yesterday I was having a long car drive phone chat with the editor and I figured I would entertain her and her scientist (aka:not a believer) husband with my tale of the supernatural. I told them my story and we all had a good laugh about it, and in the back of my mind I kind of thought that now that I said what was going on out loud all the occurrences would stop.  When I awoke this morning television was off, but clock lights were messed up.  Okay I thought, the clock could simply be a goner, it is older than Josh.  As usual, I was up at the crack of dawn and I figured I should take sweet pea (who got her stitches out yesterday, finally!) to the fields before the weekend warriors show up for their soccer games, etc ...  And lo and behold I'm walking on the path around the fields and I look down and what do I find?  drumroll please ..... You know it, a shiny single penny!!

Comments

[Mitzy Carter-Penley]

I totally do remember when your grandma visited through the T.V. I never had any doubts that was what was going on. I am not superstitious or whatever, but I kind of believe in ghosts!
It IS your mom with the pennies. I find pennies all the time so that wouldn't work with me. Maybe now the t.v. and the lights and stuff is Bear Bait? Did you ever think of that? hahaa She might be more likely to make ghostly smells or something, though.
I wanted to let you know that I having to cut way back on my photography because I am going back to school to get my Certificate as a Drug and Alcohol Counselor and I am looking for work. Early retirement is not for me, it seems.
Keep on keepin' on with your school! I can't wait till you finish!