The amount that I am getting frustrated with myself for not being able to fully participate in my own critiques is through the roof right now. My problem is not being able to answer my advisor's questions, and he is (understandably) getting frustrated right back at me, so he advised me to call upon a classmate and see if maybe someone else could present it to me in a different light that I would be able to understand. So, I did, and the classmate started off on a road that began to open some thought ways for me, and then somewhere along the line it got totally messed up and he ended up saying that he got nothing from my photos (and frighteningly, I think I planted that seed in his brain) and maybe I needed to re-examine the work. Luckily, he had to leave the conversation at that point and I am confident enough in the work that I knew his response to my work was not a valuable critique of the work, so I called upon a female photographer I know and we chatted for an hour or so and at the end of that conversation I felt so enlightened, and so much more directed. It was a good thing.
I hate to sound like the man hater some people accuse me of being, but I truly do think that men and women see the world and express themselves differently, and part of why I am struggling with in this journey to discover and express my artistic self is because the all male permanent staff in my program speak to me in a way that is meaningless to me. (except for last year's advisor, but that boat has sailed). Also, all the anger and venom literally cause me to be deaf to them. Counting the days. If only someone would tell me when we graduate. I think I can figure it out but if I end being a week early and having to tack 7 days on to my countdown I will be one sad sad MFA toting photographer.
I really need to build a female photographer community around myself.
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