clickmom

got it going on!! yeah!

I photographed in two shorter than usual segments today.  Since I had a group critique with my advisor I figured I couldn't go to utopia so I would make a therapy appointment.  I dropped Josh off at school, shot for an hour, went to therapy, and returned to shoot again before the group crit.  I set the alarm on my phone to go off so that I would have enough time to dash home and get to my computer to skype with my classmates.  I was working my way towards this scummy little horrifying pond when I heard a duck quacking.  I was so excited that there might be a duck in the pond!  I high tailed it towards the pond, except for some reason the sound of the duck wasn't getting any closer, as a matter of fact it was coming from the exact same spot as I got closer and closer AND that is when I realized I had set my phone alarm (in my left pocket) to ring as a duck.

Yeah, I got that going for me.

Being some what tick paranoid I keep thinking I should wear some kind of head covering when I am romping through the woods so they don't end up on my scalp.  Naturally I forget every time until I am back in my car and suspiciously itchy on my head.  But just now I slapped my own forehead and something fell down past my face, so at least hitting myself was justified.  I got that going for me, too.

chances

Had my second crit with my new advisor today.  It went well.  I think he likes my stuff, and that really counts because he is someone that photo people listen to.   I got the impression that he is trying to play it cool in the same way grandma used to because, in her words, she didn't want me to get a big head.  In any case it was less awkward than it was last time, so that's a good thing.  I wish I could talk to both my new guy and my old guy.  They both have different things to bring to the table.  I'll be seeing my old guy soon enough since our next session begins in the end of October, and I think I'll ask him then if I could send him some images and ask his opinion about them.  (but maybe not 60 every two weeks) 

I was a little fearful that my new guy would tell me that I was submitting too many images because I submitted 60 images between the two bodies of work I am working on but he didn't even blink at the volume.  Cool.  I think he may not have realized how many there were because at some point int he conversation he said something about only seeing about 60 or so images from me total, and last time around I sent him abotu the same amount.  I'm hoping that is a good thing.

In other news, I am counting the seconds until I am no longer in charge of my kids doing homework, because WHAT A DRAG.  Last week Josh was home with "stomach" problems and I asked him 57 times if he had done his homework, and he insisted he did, until I checked the on line system this weekend and saw that he did not get credit for it and when I questioned him he said he just had not handed it in.  College can not come fast enough.  I am so over homework, there are no words.

Unless it is my homework, and in that department, I have to write a thesis proposal.  GAH!!  I can't believe I am really doing this!  I am so impressed with myself, readers, you have no idea.  One thing I am so in awe is that my family has no idea how much time and effort I am putting into this MFA because I manage to do most of it when they are out of the house.  (Evan did mention the lack of cooking happening around here, so not entirely)  The truth is that even when I am staring blankly at the television chances are there are photo thoughts being worked out in my head.  I'm obsessed, the pressure is on and I am going to rise to the occasion.  

Pep talk much?  I don't need a pep talk, what I need is a mind calmer.  Last night I looked at the work of some classmates and when I saw that one in particular has done no new work my head almost exploded.  I went to bed so annoyed (feeling like if I can do it, they can do it too) that I ended up having angry dreams all night long.  Today I am so tired!! Tonight I'll be sipping herbal tea and thinking positive thoughts before bed, for sure.  I need a good night's sleep.   Tomorrow is another chance to photograph! 

back from the brink

So, I almost got broadsided today.  I totally saw the dude not slowing/stopping for his red light, and thankfully no one was coming towards me, so I was able to brake, honk and swerve at the same time, and the dude slammed on his brakes and we did not collide.  I was cool as a cucumber over it, but Josh was scared out of his mind,  Also, for once Siri heard me and replied to my outburst (I think I said Stop Motherf-----!) but as usual Siri couldn't make heads or tails of what I was saying and she said she didn't understand my request, which I thought was just the comedic relief needed to completely bring down the whole life threatening situation.  Josh however, was less impressed and continued to shake like a leaf.  I guess it really mattered to him that the van was heading for his side of the car, because that was what he told me.

I went to an art book fair today because they had photo books too, and there were a bunch of people from my program there, I only saw two people, one who just graduated and one who dropped out.  Neither meeting was planned.  No one was looking for me, so I am figuring that the youngsters didn't want to hang out with grandma me.  Oh well.  I brought Josh anyways, and I'd rather spend the day with him than any of them.  Poor Josh!  He is really such a good sport about being dragged around.  I love that kid despite his dreadful teenaged tone of condescention.   I was hoping he could skip that stage.  Dammit.  

wasting time

I have a long day of cleaning in front of me right now.  The goal is to make this plae look like we have lived here more than a week.  More than a week?  Didn't we move here, like, three years ago?  Yes!  Wait, there are still boxes and stuff unpacked?  Yes!  Because we have more junk than one family could possibly need, it's very american of us, and I thought I would not unpack the things that we don't actually use, so there are half full boxes in unused corners, like in the dining room, or the corner of the family room.  All this fun and removing the piles of accumulation that we are so prone to, too.   I think it's pretty obvious why I am sitting in front of the lap top instead of getting to work.

I'm hosting a pasta dinner for Evan's water polo team tonight, so it's now or never.  I'll find you guys again during a procrastination break later.

3 hour later update:  it's 11:30 and I am taking a procrastination break: Kitchen island and table almost visible for the first time in years. Also, I made myself something to eat between kleenex breaks.  (shaking fists at the sky, why sick now?!?!)  Evan can no longer falsely accuse me of being a hoarder, I'm not a hoarder, I'm LAZY!  It occurs to me that Matt wants to bring his girlfriend home for fall break, which is a month away .... how much of this effort will still be visible in a month? It's gonna be a long month. Luckily my back is still holding out ........

Final update:  I leaned the entire day, until the last few hours when I cooked and cleaned. together.  My back is killing me, my feet are throbbing but my counters were empty, my kitchen table empty, and my dining room table was clear (still needs more work in there though) but in the end almost the entire team showed up, about 25 boys, all were polite and grateful and ate massive amounts of food, and now I am thinking about the shiny piece of jewelry I might need to reward myself with tomorrrow after I do qi gong, have a sauna and get a full body massage.

dashrif

Insane dream of the night had to do with creating a new mixed drink last night, the catch was that the name of the mixed drink had to happen when two cars with vanity plates pulled in next to each other.  My vanity plates:  I SHOT and DASHRIF .  The drink is a cocktail with an extra shot on the side, but can also be served alone with out the shot and called DEPUTY.  Because while, I shot the sherriff, I did not shoot the deputy.  I think I'm so clever!!  I did not come up with the actual formula for the drink but in my dream one of my classmates (or was it an advisor?) told me that everything goes with cranberry juice.  Yes, this was a school assignment, during which a first year student thanked me for being honest about how scared I was the first year because it made him/her (?) feel so much better knowing they weren't alone.  I thought of the one student that made me know that we were all just as nervous as I was and I am puzzled at dreaming about her. Very curious.  I just texted her to see if perhaps she was enjoying some cocktails made with cranberry juice yesterday. Wouldn't that be STRANGE???

I'm pretty sure the ghost of bear bait was with me yesterday.  I became overwhelmed thinking about her and cried on my way to pick Josh up from school, and later on I was cooking dinner and a short black hair appeared in the food.  She's been gone almost 5 months folks, and her hair stopped floating around the kitchen a long time ago.  There was some other sign too, but I can't recall what it was, in any case, I just looked to heaven and said HELLO when that hair appeared.  Maybe it is because I've been revisiting the woods where we walked so much the last year, or maybe I'm just going nuts (have you read about my dreams?!?!) .   I think I need a new dog.  Waiting until I finish school is going to be hard hard hard.

 

blue?

For the past three nights I have had crazy crazy dreams.  I wasn't sure what the first night's crazy dream was caused by but I am known to be a vivid dreamer, so one vivid dream didn't surprise me, then I chalked the second night's crazy dream up to the lovely and ever so helpful laughing gas I got that evening when I caved on my no-root-canal-just-remove-the-tooth-and-give-an-implant rule and went ahead with the root canal.  (instant pain relief?  YES!)  But last night's crazy dream took me by surprise.  I was physically tired yesterday after hiking for three hours in the morning with my camera and old (read:heavy) tripod,  so I expected a good night's sleep, but that was not to be.  And get this

I DIED IN MY DREAM

Not only did I die in my dream, but in my dream I KILLED MYSELF.  There was a system of devices, that everyone was killing themselves or other people with and I'm not even sure why I killed myself, but I did, I just kind of knew I had to.  It was two step process, one shot to the stomach for blood loss and one to the head.  In the end I decided to go straight for the head, knowing that dying was the ultimate goal and fearing that if the stomach shot was too painful I wouldn't follow through with the head shot, so I held up the device to my forehead, knowing there were going to something like two nails shooting out of it, like a double nail gun side by side.  It required two hands to press down on some kind of lever along the bottom of the device and I began to squeeze as hard as I could but got weak as soon as the nails hit me, and even though I was trying to squeeze more to make sure I finished the job but I couldn't squeeze because I was dying, my hands were useless,  and then my vision just filled with blue color, and I was so surprised that the last color I saw was going to be baby blue.  And I knew when the blue filled up everything I could see, (it was filling with waves of color from the bottom up) that I was a goner and then I had the feeling that I couldn't breathe any more.

And I lived to tell you about it, internet!! 

When I woke up I kept thinking BLUE???

Not sure what the point of that dream was.  Blue?  Seriously?

 

 

doggy bag

So ...... I get in the car witrh Josh this morning and I say "It smells like food in here.  Do you see any food?" and he moves his head around as if he's actually looking for some food and he says "Nope."

We commence the drive to school.

I drop Josh off at school, he grabs his back pack and lunch from next to his feet in the foot space of the passenger seat where he has spent approximately 4 hours of the last 2 days sitting and I turn around and drive the 20 minutes back to new town and then 10 more past it to get to the dentist, (I still smell food) which is the special implant dentist, because that's where I get my teeth cleaned these days and I go for a cleaning during which I tell the lovely human being of a dental hygienist that the regular dentist wants to recrown a tooth but I know it has an infection because it hurts and I think it has to be removed because once my teeth cross me these days I kick them out.  The hygenist brings in the oral surgeon who says he thinks the offending tooth can be saved with a root canal, and I do all that I can not to laugh in his face because my special sponge like teeth laugh in the face of a root canal and that only inspires them to make matters (or bacteria) worse.  It has to go, death penalty for the infidel!  But I agree to have a consultation with the root canal guy.  Why?  I do not really know,  maybe it's because I am hoping that he will say that my swiss cheese teeth are not good candidates for a root canal (which I already know from experience)  I'm not going to waste my time and money on a root canal. (only on an office visit with the root canal doctor)   Also, this time bomb of a tooth is ready to explode and I was kind of hoping they'd just rip out on the spot so it could stop hurting,  while at the same time I know that as I sit there all calm and zen explaining in a rational voice how it's been hurting for a couple of weeks, they DO NOT GET IT because other people with the same throbbing tooth would come in clutching an ice pack to their faces and drooling.  Damn my sky high pain tolerance.  

I was all pissed over the whole tooth thing when I got back into the car because the last thing I want to do is meet the root canal dentist.  I just want to have nothing to do so I can photograph every single day.  Is that too much to ask for?  I sit down in the driver's seat and smell that freaking food smell again.  I know what I'm smelling, and I am sure there is something in the car with me, so I lean over and look into the foot space of the passenger seat that Josh spent the entire weekend (and this morning) occupying and spot a brown paper bag that I can not readily identify.  I lift up said bag and it pulls apart because the thai food leftovers that Josh carried back to the car for me Friday night have exploded the plastic container they are in and now there is 3 day old spicy eggplant leaking all over my lap.  If anyone can tell me how it is exactly that testicles impair a dude's vision I would be infinitely interested in knowing.

nerves, my butt, and sympathy points

I have my first advisor skype with my new advisor tomorrow.  GULP!  I'm just a little nervous because this new advisor is so different from my last advisor.  The biggest difference is that I was comfortable asking my old advisor lots of questions and being very honest about being lost or confused and I feel like I have to be more assured with the current guy.  I do lost and confused so much better than assured though .....  

It'll be a much better experience than anything I am currently worried about.

In the mean time the A/C in my bedroom decided to peter out on me, so I've beenkeeping the room about 4 degrees warmer than I normally would.  That's goign to change tonight though, because I need a good night's sleep.

Yesterday I went bowling with Evan and Josh.   Usually I wouldn't play 4 games in one day, but we were having so much fun I never wanted it to end.  I have a small probablem of needing a light ball with large finger holes, and those are few and far between, but I managed with some ill fitted balls to make due with.  My fingers made this hilarious sound every time I jammed them into little holes and they had to unsuck themselves upon release.  I could have listened to it all day.  My wrist injury from last winter's fall in the ice started to act up so we bowled the last game with our non dominant hands and bumpers.  It was pretty hilarious, especially when Evan shot the ball through his legs backwards or into the next lane, or pin ball style with the bumpers.  I can't believe they didn't kick us out.

Do you work out butt muscles while bowling?  Not the big glute muscles, but some kind of inner closer to the center muscles, because HELLO butt muscles today!!  This might be worth a google search.

Also, Evan has been coughing and with a sore throat for almost a week and keeps telling me how everyone who swam in the school pool is sick.  Guess who doesn't swim in the school pool and got it?  Thanks Ev!!  But since I sent in twice the amount of work I was required to send into my advisor (I did two projects instead of one)  I figure when I show up on my side of the screen with a horse voice and box of tissues I can score some symapthy points.  Maybe?