clickmom

goal

Anyone remmber when there was bat in my house and I locked it in the "bonus room" and the next day when the bat guys showed up to remove it it was nowhere to be found?  I found it!  Dead and dried out on a bookcase shelf in the bonus room.  I strut up to Josh and say "Guess what!  I found a bat in the bonus room!"  and he says back "Oh, I was wondering if that was a real bat or a fake one."  and I'm shocked, because Josh saw that dead bat lying there a month ago when we returned from utopia and he didn't say a word.  So, I try Evan, and he's all cool as can be (which he always is) and he says "Yeah, I saw it there, it's been there for a while."  I have to explain to my children that when they spot dead possibly rabid animals they should tell me.

I had my first group critique in grad school last week.  It was not my turn to share photos, so I was just listening and chiming in on other people's work. (Which I was hesitant to do since WTH do I know?)  We did this by skype, so I got up early and carefully blow dried my hair, put on a little make up and even searched for my extra funky reading glasses.  Then I decided that each month  I'd put on one of my mother's ridiculously large necklaces and see if anyone ever mentioned my big honking jewelry.   I was having an excellent hair day and psyched to see some of my old classmates again.   My skype rang right on schedule and the first thing the advisor says is "Let's all turn off our video cameras so this works bettter."  Such a bummer.   We did the whole thing by voice only.  It was an interesting process though, especially seeing how many people are struggling with just what should be their subject matter.  I can only hope that next fall when I am in the home stretch (or at least what feels like the home stretch to me right now) that I am on solid footing and at least know what I am working towards.

stuff I wrote to Matt, who I miss very much, in an email today

Yesterday we all went into the city to go to an art book fair.  It was interesting.  There were people who had self published their own books, and there were publishers there without the artists.  I was only interested in photobooks, and managed (naturally) to find the gay porn section right off the bat.  That was intriguing.  Very eye opening.  Luckily Dad had walked in and sat right down and Evan and Josh had already given up and went to sit and wait it out with him.  I did noticed a lot of men with their pants rolled really high, like you've been wearing yours,  and I think it might be a gay thing.  Just saying.  You don't want to send the wrong message.  Also, it seems that deodorant is out of fashion these days because it was a particularly pitt stenchy young and hip crowd.  Don't be that much of a hipster.  Hygiene is a good thing.  

 

What a nag I am!  

 

My hair is seriously getting gray on the sides and I totally blame Evan.  I hope I don't look too much older by the time you get back here.  I missssss you so much!  I'm going to start stalking you on skype to see if we are on at the same time.  

 

My "domestic narrative" (AKA: stalking Dad with the camera) is coming along.  Boy does Evan HATE it when I photograph him!  I just thank him for his support and keep on clicking.  Sometimes I take extra shots just to watch him make that tortured teenager face.  Except unlike your brother, I know when to stop!  Over the summer Evan went tubing with his phone in his pocket and got it wet.  Then he started to use the one with the shattered glass that we never returned to the insurance company and probably got charged big bucks for.  Then he left the shattered one in school and no one returned it, so he tried out his water logged phone and it was working again!  That was a relief,  until he came home a week later and the resurrected phone also had a cracked screen.  You're gonna be surprised over this, but it wasn't Evan's fault!  He left it on a very low and safe bench and someone else accidentally swiped it off the extremely close to the ground bench and it cracked.  Can you believe it?  Poor Poor Evan, always in the wrong place at the wrong time.  He's my sweet little victim.

 

Today we just wandered around down town buying stuff like new dress shirts for your brothers to wear at the veteran's charity event in October.  I also got some new pillows for the den couches.  By the end of the day it was as expensive as if you were home!  Just kidding.  I miss you so much.  I wish I coudl just fly to Russia and hug you and then come back.  I'm just too lazy to get a visa.

 

If I ask my photobook teacher if there are any Russian photographers that might have good books out do you think you might have time to pick some up?  Or if you have some free time and find yourself in a museum or art gallery, can you pick some up for me?  Last week I went into the city and saw an exhibit at International Center of Photography that left me somewhat baffled, I really don't understand conceptual photography.    I'm trying though!  Then I walked down to 19th street and checked out a photo exhibit by Philip Lorca DiCorcia called Hustlers and didn't think it was going to have a profound effect on me, but I walked out of that gallery with my heart pounding and wanting to cry for those profoundly sad men.   The photographer is going to be there in October and I just might go back on the day the photographer is there to sign his books.  I guess portraits are a safe bet for me if you are goign to look for some photobooks.  Also, signed books are extra fun to find. 

won't be broken

I woke up this morning a few minutes before my alarm clock was due to go off.  I thought "It seems kind of cold in here."  I turned on the news to find out it was 45 degrees in new town.  I refuse to turn the heat on yet! 

I had my second advisor skype critique yesterday.  It went well.  I'm thankful that I got the advisor that I got.  He is the gentlest of the three, yet he gives very constructive criticism.  I think the best piece of advice I ever got was to be open to other people's advice and I am trying to be open.  He asked me which lenses I was using and I told him I was using a telephoto but trying to eaither shoot at 35mm or 70mm.  He said that was a great idea and I reminded him that he had told me to limit myself to 35mm and 70mm last time we spoke.  I'm listening!  I'd like to be successful when I leave this MFA program!  

I'm working on two projects right now, one is an assignment we were given to make a body of work in response to Raymond Carver's short story Cathedral.  The other assignment is my own personal work, which was also kind of assigned to me when my advisor suggested that I do a "domestic narrative", which loosely translated means I am semi stalking the husband with my camera.  My advisor really liked that work, so I am going to plan more outings, since we can't do the same thing all the time.  that would be boring.  It might also inspre me to do some cleaning around here because I don't want the piles of our chaos in the backgrounds.  Looks a little insane to me, so you know it's messy these days around here.

Josh's school, in an attempt to break me, cancelled the school bus service which picked him up and dropped him off at my front door every day.  In addition to the loss of precious ALONE time I am also piling the miles up on my new mini baby truck.   Imust adnit that from time to time I forget I am in a weeny little truck like vehicle and leap out of the door thinking I will have some distance to go before I hit the ground.  It's disconcerting.  Also, I don't need even more ways to look goofy.  

I am seriously angry over the cancellation of the school bus, mostly because Josh's after school activities this year are so late in the day that I thought I was going to have tons of freedom to do stuff and not have to rush back home to be the chauffer.  Evan can drive himself aorund these days, with his brand shiny new license and everything.  Pffffftt.  I hired my sweet darling cleaning lady to pick Josh up from school one day a week so I have one day to do my own things.  I want to punch someone.  One day is not what I was expecting.  It makes me hope that Josh decides to go back to public school next year. I did not sign up for all this driving.  It makes me crazy.

 

PS At least I got excused from jury duty!!!!

hugs to you

The grain free thing never happened.  I don't know I can't get my eating under control.   Normally I am not much of a morning eater, but this week I wolke up every day ready to plow through the entire fridge.  Hmmmm.

I was happy today when my friend said she was having trouble getting back into the routine.  Me too!  I'm fighting it.  Not sure why I'm fighting it because it is a losing battle.  I guess I just like knocking my head against the wall.  

I wish I had some funny things to say, but the truth is, I miss Matt terribly, he's in Russia AGAIN doing a semester abroad this time,  driving Josh back and forth to school means I'm in the car TWO HOURS A DAY minimum which sucks beyond anything, and Evan is thankfully doing his homework this year, so I have high hopes that his grades will finally reflect his abilities. 

OH MY GOD  

I forgot to tell you internet, I got an email from scumcle and he told me that his wife died due to a perforated colon during a routine colonoscopy.  I can't believe it.  How frightening and terrible!  I'm probably going to visit him this weekend.  I don't think I've seen him since grandma's funeral in 2008.  It's going to be weird.  All of a sudden in my head he has morphed from the world's biggest jerk to the world's saddest old guy.  Scumcle and the wicked witch were probably married for 55 years.  I wonder how he is going to be without her.  I suspect that they were the kind of couple that turned into one unit and it is going to be extra devastating for him.  especially since her death could not have been less expected.  They took great pride in being in good shape and Scumcle told me they had played a doubles tennis match for 2 1/2 hours last weekend.  Crazy.  You never know when your time is up.  

Now go hug someone you love.

Fall Allergies

I have itchy ears, eyes, nose and throat and, as if that is not fun enough, sneeze until I need to change my pants.  Freaking fall allergies.

The driving Josh to school and back has my panties all in a wad.  I went from being kid free from 7:30 in the morning til 3:30 in the afternoon to dropping him at 8:30 with bear bait in tow and needing a walk, so I stop at a nearby park where I walk through the woods and always get lost, so it ends up being a substantial walk, and then I have to drive 20 minutes home, and get back around 10ish  and I have a little more than 4 hours until I have to leave and pick him up.  I could cry.

I can't wait until the first parent meeting so I can whine about it.  I'm going to try to start a movement to bring the bus back. 

Tomorrow I am going carb free, and by carb free what I mean is grain free.  There will be fruit.  I'm trying to drag Josh along too.  I'd like to see him take off a few.  

book store

Today I was in the book store with the family.  I was standing in the check out line.  There was a couple there with two young children.  The toddler son began to scream and it was clear that his slightly older sister had done something to him, so the mother yanked the girl up, causing the child to scream in protest and carried her out of the store telling her she was getting what she deserved.  It was quite a noisy scene, and as the mother walked past the check out line she spotted a heavily pregnant woman browsing some books near to me.  I heard as she bitterly scowled "See what you have to look forward to!"

I was shocked.

I looked from one woman to the other and as soon as the mother carried her screaming children out of the store I leaned over to the pregnant woman and I told her that I had three children and had never carried a tantrum throwing child out of a store.  I told her it was all about the parenting.