It's been a rough week for me. I felt a little relieved on Friday when I finally admitted to myself that I am without a doubt depressed. It's a hard thing to own up to. I'd rather be a happy go lucky optimist. The big red flag? I can't hold back the tears. I'm just crying my eyes out about 12 times a day. It's so embarrassing. That god for sunglasses. It has nothing to do with my womanly cycle. I'm so lonely that I feel real physical pain over it. But I do suspect that my thyroid is on it's yearly autumn downward spiral. I'm still depressed. I might end up bald. The thyroid thing just isn't helping anything.
The other thing I wasn't really admitting to myself is that I have gone and thrown my back out again. I kept saying "One wrong move and I'm going to be totally bedridden." except I got tired of hearing myself cry out in pain pretty every time I moved. It hurts so much my heart is sometimes racing. Then I realized that I had actually already thrown out my back. I'm just not 100% incapacitated. Yet. Yay me! Not.
Last night Josh went to a sleep over birthday party. I'm so thankful my boys have been making friends.
Evan was hanging out with a coed group of friends and when I told Evan that the husband and I wanted to go to a grown up movie (Descendants. I loved it. But I kind of love George, and would see him in anything. He happened to be named Matt in this movie and that was weird for me) Evan asked if I could bring him and two of the girls with us. Hell Yeah! What better way to spy on your kids?!? I picked Evan up at one of the mom's house and I think I instantly hit it off with the mom. She was reading the new Diane Arbus biography, and I happen to be a fan of Diane, so extra plus. I plan on calling her this week to see if she'd like to meet for coffee. I was thinking of taking a page out of Peanut's play book and inviting all the moms of Evan's friends over for coffee but I'd have to hide too many still unpacked boxes before having company over so I have set a mid January unpack or hide it goal for myself, and will do a group thing then, but until then I'll try to meet someone (or two) new ladies every week. Evan's female friends were so adorable. I am relieved to say that Evan's 14 year old female friends are among the few girls that look 14 like we used to look when we were 14 and not the new kind of 14 year old girl that looks like a ragged out 21 year old in need of a strong cup of coffee and root touch up.
I was so happy about the potential of Evan's friend's mom being a potential friend for me that I offered the mother of the birthday boy (the first person to be super nice to me here) to bring coffee (for the exhausted adults) and doughnuts (for the exhausted kids AM sugar buzz) in the morning. Something made me want to be the first mom there and get to meet the other moms when they picked up their kids. Wouldn't you know that in addition to thoroughly enjoying the birthday boy's mom I hit it off like crazy with another mom so much so that I very pathetically announced/pleaded "I'm lonely and I need some friends in new town. Can I call you and we can hang out?" She immediately reached for paper and gave me her email and phone numbers. Thank goodness.
Now I need to get over this back episode long enough to get myself back to a gym. I think I heard of one in the next town (close to whole foods, so it's convenient) that might suit me. I'm checking it out tomorrow.
I'm sure with some human contact, a few good workouts under my belt, a sauna, and some zen time meditating I will feel better in no time. Also, I got another lead on some alternative practitioners. Maybe even a chiro who does applied kinesiology! I have to reestablish my support team. The only thing I haven't found is a weekly housekeeper, and two women today both told me today that they had been stolen from by housekeepers here in new town, so I am doomed for at least another fun filled week of toilet scrubbing.
PS When we were in utopia for thanksgiving I was thinking about how grandma hadn't messed up my television for a long time and guess what. My utopian bedroom television inexplicably turned on in the middle of the night and then went totally black the next day. It's a goner! I'm thinking Grandma's still around. Either that or I can destroy electronics with my psychic powers. If that is so I want my own show on TLC!
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