I don't feel well. As a matter of fact I feel downright seriously crappy. And I can't really put a finger on how I feel except maybe that I'm coming down with something? But not really, because if I was coming down with something the crappiness feeling should be picking up speed at a much faster rate. I tried to go to the posh club and work out with the stretcher this morning. I was asking if it was humid in the room and sweating so much that he commented about it. Then he said that instead of turning pink like I usually do I was turning gray. I quit early. For the first time exercise was not making everything better. I felt worse for my efforts. I was pushing myself really hard just to do my usual.
I came home, told sweet Josh that I didn't feel well and he suggested I lie down in bed. He even came upstairs and lied down with me until he thought I was asleep and then he tip toed back downstairs to play computer games. I conked out for two hours. I had weird bad quality sleep dreams. I finally got out of bed because I wanted to get away from the dreams.
I'm thinking that the last time I felt this craptastic was back in 2003 when I thought I was going to die from double pneumonia. I had 105+ fever then, so I figured I was a goner. It was kind of cool to see double for real (it's just like it is on TV!) and people talking to me seemed so far away. I don't feel that bad right now, I just feel like feeling that bad could be around the corner.
I thought about dying and wondered if it would be weird to ask someone to take my dead animal series and try to do something with it. I thought that it might not matter what I was working on if I were dead. It's not like I'm famous (yet) or something.
Then I thought "I can't believe I might die fat." which would be a remarkably big disappointment. Interesting to me that after almost 20 years of being obese, I still think of it is a temporary condition that I will move past one day. I better stop waiting for one day to come. I'm off of sugar as of this minute. Dammit. I deserve more than moving through life in slow motion waiting for something better. I'm taking the reins and bringing in the something better starting this second. Goodbye sugar! Get the fuck off my back!
There are so many really bad viruses circulating around the US right now. Nearly every person I talk to is or has struggled with an upper respiratory issue in the last two months! That is ODD! I turned grey at the gym a couple weeks ago too..and the trainer and owner were looking at me like I was an Avatar or something...and told me to go home. LOL Instead I went back to the doc and was put on round 2 of antibiotics (I very very seldom go on antibiotics and this is twice in one month!!!) for the stupid never-ending sinus infectcion. I think it started with the virus but then moved to my sinuses and took up residence. I kept blaming it on allergies/pollen/etc. when it did not quite go away but I guess I needed to kick its ass with more drugs. I am ok now. And actually this past week have FINALLY been able to get back to what I usually do in the gym.
Long story short: go get checked out. Especially if you have a low grade fever! Don't let it turn into something worse. Take care!!
(Maybe you got some virus or bacteria from.....dead animals.....?? ew!)
Posted by: Greta | June 18, 2011 at 10:33 AM