clickmom

Bitter much?

The husband is still behind bars in the hospital.  Except today he was all out of patience and very sad in the most pathetic big eyed poor little creature kind of way.  I told Evan that I thought that a big chunk of his daddy's dismay was due to not knowing exactly what was going on.  If only they had a definitive answer, a label, a name of something to get a book about or freaking google or find a specialist for, then he could move on to the next step, FORMULATING A PLAN.   But for now, he sits in that too short for a tall guy air filled hospital bed, bored to tears, not feeing particularly ill, just being frustrated.  My poor guy.

I dragged Evan and Josh house hunting this morning.  Another disappointing day of house hunting!  I just know I won't find a house that gets me excited, I know I will have to fix up a house to be happy in, and finding the right house is turning out to be such a struggle.  I'm still stinging over the house we tried to bid on and lost out on last month.  

I saw one house that could have been a good house for us except it has been so neglected that it is pretty much a tear down but the owner of 43 years doesn't realize it yet.  It is near water, so I don't think any contractor would buy it, but I am going to keep my eye on it just in case they decide to drop the price by about 40%.  Then I would have enough money to bring it back to what the current owner imagines it really is.  I could get really excited over being so close to the water.  I was already checking the back yard out for good photo vantage points.

I'm frustrated too.  

Also, I think the use of wide angle lenses in real estate photography should be outlawed.   

I gotta get myself back to the posh club.  I managed to get to the hotel gym a few times when we were at ATLANTIS where my sweet sweet Evan was SAVAGELY ATTACKED BY A (nurse) MAN EATING SHARK DURING THE WALK WITH THE SHARKS walk in the shark tank.  Did I mention that the young girl going down right before Evan asked if the sharks ever bit anyone and the shark tank manager lady said "I am more likely to bite you than our sharks."  Yes, I made sure she stayed far far away from Evan after THE INCIDENT IN WHICH HE WAS BIT BY A SHARK AT ATLANTIS ON PARADISE ISLAND IN THE BAHAMAS.  

Bitter much?  Who me?

Anyway, with the husband going into the hospital the morning after we got home (probably Atlantis' fault too) and all, I only made it to the posh club once since we've been home and that day I only took a sauna and a shower because I had such a massive headache.  

Tomorrow I am going to work out like I haven't worked out in almost a week, which I haven't.  The next weight loss contest is coming up, and I am on the fence about joining up again.  I love the small group workouts, but I lean on food, and there has been a lot of leaning on food going on.  Also, I am starting to think that sticking my scale in the closet was not the best move after all.  I packed last year's summer clothes for our trip and they were quite snug.  Come to think of it, I better join up for the weight loss contest and I better watch what I eat.  I am not going to buy bigger clothes for this summer!  I don't care if I can only squeeze into one pair of pants!  I am only going one way and that is DOWN.

pretty boy

Yesterday I dragged the boys to whole foods.  We were all tired so I told the boys they could sit at the tables while I checked out.  I saw a really old lady that I had never seen before talking to Evan.  This is what happened.

Evan was sitting elbows on the table with his chin in his hand.  The old lady was staring at him.  He noticed the old lady staring at him for a long time.  The old lady asked Evan to move his hand.  He said "okay" as he moved his hand from his face and when the old lady heard his manly deep voice she was shocked to realize he was a guy.  The old lady asked Evan if he liked girls.  Evan said he did indeed like girls and the old lady said "Try not to let them climb on you."  She told him he wasn't going to have any problems in that department and then she said "You're the most beautiful human being I've ever met."

 

sleepy

Have you ever been so stressed out that all you want to do is sleep?

The husband is in the hospital.

The mysterious ailment he has looks like some other stuff except it does not present itself typically, and so far the tests say it isn't what it appears to be.  What it actually is?  They don't know.  Am I being vague enough for ya?

I need House.  He needs House.

All of a sudden everyone asks if we can really trust the good doc.  Trust?!?!?  Well, let's see, we've trusted him for  a while now, my critical of all of my choices parents became his patients and liked him enough, how the hell do you know if you can really trust your doctor until he heals you???  If the husband saunters out of there healed, I'll say the good doc is trustworthy.  If we have to discharge the husband who is clinging to life (god forbid) against medical advice to relocate the husband to a different hospital where a more trustworthy doc (House) can actually cure him, then obviously we have been wrong all along.  Jeezus.

Evan's shark bite still hurts him.

Poor Evan isn't getting enough attention from the shark bite.

Around here we deal with anxiety with humor.  We were gaffawing it up in the husband's hospital room today when the nurse came in to give him an insulin shot.  Matt and the husband's big brother made a dash for the hallway but Evan and I remained by the bed.  The nurse turned to Evan and asked if he was family Evan deadpan answered "No, Richard is my friend.  He promised me puppies and candy."  And then we all burst into another fit of hysteria.  I looked into the hallway to see the husband's big brother laughing so hard he was leaning on the wall for support.  Matt was doubled over.  Then the husband offered to dial up child protection services to save the nurse the trouble.

Tomorrow the realtor is bringing two more people to see my stepford hose.  Sunday there is an open house.  The open houses freak me out.  All those nosy lookie loos!   The realtor said that our house alarm went off twice while we were in the Bahamas (getting sun burnt, shark bitten and mysterious illnesses).  I think someone was casing the joint.  I have everything of value either squirreled away in the safe or hidden away nice and secure.  Go away thieves!!  Nothing here for you!  I even brought the nearly $400 of loose change I found in cups, bowls, drawers, etc .... to the bank.  Also, the mobster we bought the house from showed me where to "hide the cash" and I never forgot!  If that hiding place was good enough for Johnny .......

After the open house last week the realtor sent me an email profiling everyone who saw the house and also what they said.  I had to tell her that I don't want to know what the weird open house trolls think.  Also I had to tell her that I don't care if the next owners are meth lab operators, as long as they offer me our asking price.  She keeps trying to personalize all of the people who seem interested in our house.  She tells me their jobs, where they live, how many kids they have etc....   I'm not falling for that!  I am interested in cold hard cash.  Period.  Nothing would please me more than finding out our stepford house became a brothel after we left.  The amount of pleasure that I just got from merely typing that last sentence was practically obscene.

It seems weird to be moving forward with all of this house selling activity with the husband's unknown health status and everything.  I just don't know what to do.  Fuck Dammit.  I need a crystal ball.

Evan got bit by shark

I am not kidding you.

It's minor- mostly punctures and scraping - no stitches or anything, just a tetanus booster and some antibiotic cream. 

But a couple things.  First, and most importantly, how many mother and sons can say they have been bitten by a shark?  I think me and Evan either emit a special kind of wounded fish aroma or have some other kind of special shark attractiveness.  I mean, really!  Both of us!

Second, Evan was bit during a "Walk With The Sharks" experience here at ATLANTIS HOTEL on PARADISE ISLAND (BAHAMAS).  Evan was bit while descending the ladder into the shark aquarium.  He was about half way down when a shark just headed right for him and crunch.  The shark bit Evan's arm.  Evan felt the incredible pressure,  thought the diver that was assisting him was stepping on his arm, looked over, saw the shark, and kneed that sucker in the underbelly.  Then the shark let go and swam away. 

In the mean time, I had watched Matt and then Evan descend fro the top of the tank and was on my way to the viewing area underneath when all this went down.  when I got to the bottom, I couldn't figure out where the two of them had gone. (Matt, who was reluctantly on the bottom followed Evan up the ladder and out of the tank even though he didn't know what was wrong with his brother)  I was standing there confused about where my boys had gone to until I saw the two of them coming around the path heading towards me and Matt said "Evan got bit by a shark."  My eyes zeroed in on the towel wrapped around evan's arm and I imagined Evan getting sliced open like I did.  My first reaction was to faint, but then I rallied, stayed cool, followed Evan and the scuba guy to the towel distributing lady who hd a first aid kit.  I held my breath as the towel guy unwrapped Evan's arm and was relieved to see only two sides of a shark jaw in puncture wounds.  Lots and lots of tiny little bleeding holes, but nothing that might require stitches.

It did occur to me that when I had been bitten by a dog once I had to get a tetanus shot, so I made an international call to the pediatrician and guess who had to go to the Bahamian medical center for a tetanus shot?

The husband took Evan to the medical center and I stayed behind with Matt and Josh.  I had a total melt down once the two of them were on their way.  A SHARK BIT MY BABY! 

Thirdly, I want you to know that pretty much the entire time they were fussing with Evan the shark tank manager lady seemed more concerned with breaking her 5 year safety record than with the actual fact that her frigging human flesh hungry shark bit my kid.  They asked Evan a million times what had happened, as if he had possibly done something inappropriate while climbing down the ladder with the diver right by his side.  I wanted to smack her.  Or maybe even bite her.  One of the personnel told us that only other person who had been bit by one of the sharks was one of the owners who had leaned over and waved his arm int he tank and that Evan was the first hotel guest to be bit.  Then the manager lady tried to pretend that NO ONE was ever bit.

And lastly, I saw the manager lady later in the day and asked if they knew exactly which of the dozen or so nurse sharks had snacked on my kid.  She was flippant about it, telling me NO, and then I asked if they had contiued doing Walk With The Shark tours for the rest of the day and she said "WHY NOT?" 

I am now rethinking that one post bite moment when I said to the manager lady "Don't worry, we won't sue."

Evan says it hurts.  I think he wanted to see if anyone would give him some pain killers.  Not that I'd let him take them.  He just wanted the prescription.

fled

We fled stepford.  But not after a sleepless night of moving stuff, crying, whining and shock (over the dust!  OMG the dust!)

But we are on a carribean island (Oh yes we are!) while hopefully the realtor (but the faux staging bitches) are whoring my house out.  My desire is a few offers on the table by the time we get home so I can once again live like someone who actually lives (as in cooks) in her house and not have to keep the place pristine beause basically, that is not goign to happen.  After this week if we have to show the house it will be to people who can see past the choas of our lives.

Celebrity sighting: Tiger Woods!  The husband was paying craps at the next table from Tiger last night.  I asked if Tiger had some hoes with him but sadly the husband said NO.  Tiger was surrounded by other dudes and of course some security.

Leaving it all behind, I'm off to the breakfast buffet and then to the pool.  Yay!