When I open my browser I see Yahoo News. I'm pretty sure that the following "news worthy" headline is a definite sign of the imminent fall of civilization:
A jelly bean that looks like Kate Middleton
Seriously? That passes for news?
When we went to the bahamas for perhaps the WORST vacation experience ever, I left bear bait with a dog sitter. Our original plan was to drive straight to utopia from the airport so as not to de-unpersonalize our immaculate for sale home and let the realtor show it for another 5 days in perfect form. All that great planning went down the tube when we first stopped at home for one night so the good doc cold check out the husband's feet. Did I tell you guys that when the good doc said the husband and his rotting feet had to go to the hospital the husband turned to me and suggested I drop him off at the hospital and head up to utopia with the kids. Hello? I'm not that big of a bitch! (Some might say I'm pretty close ....) And then OBVIOUSLY, I have a reputation as a martyr to protect, so we did not abandon the husband and his dead necrotic foot tissue at the hospital, but lovingly stood vigil by his bedside yelling "Stop faking! Get the hell up! Walk dammit!" JK!
Where the hell was I even going with this?!?
I am so tired people. The stress is about to kill me over here.
ANYWAY, all that preamble was merely the world's longest segway into the story about how because of the insanity around here I left bear bait with the dog sitter until today. She was at the dog sitter for two weeks! Luckily, like a biggest loser contestant at an all you can eat buffet, bear bait seems to have eaten every penny's worth of her two week stay $$$$ at the dog sitter. When I saw bear bait all I could do was stare without blinking and say in a far away dream like voice "She's so fat ....", which made the dog sitter feel kind of bad, and she swore she only fed bear bait what I told her to feed her. I'm sure she did, but I am also thinking the other dogs probably didn't stand a chance eating their own food with bear bait around and they all went home on the super slender side.
I am going to enlist every person who lives in this soon to be sold house and does not have dead necrotic foot tissue issues in a "trim down bear bait" walking campaign until bear bait regains her previous state of sexy zoftig and no longer resembles a long haired water balloon. I just wish I had a "before" picture to show you.
HAHAHAHA! I just realized that what I thought I had written as a post was actually an email to the editor!
What you missed: I took the husband to both the foot doctor and the good doc today. The foot doc does not like the term gangrene he prefers (the redundant term) "dead necrotic tissue." He sliced, pulled and sawed lots of dead necrotic tissue off of the husband. I got a lesson in bandaging. Then we went to the good doc who pretty much had the opposite advice of the foot doctor, so the two of them are going have a phone call (or duel) and then when they come to mutual agreement will will have a double doctor sanctioned plan of attack.
I'm so tired I can't believe that those doctor appointments were just this morning! Seems like they were a million years ago.
Zombie feet, hahaha!
But seriously, 'gangrene' vs. 'dead necrotic tissue' ... they both deserve a shudder. Though it has to be bad if they need to use 'dead' and 'necrotic' in the same phrase, because I agree: that's a bit redundant, eh?
Anyway, SERIOUSLY, hang in there, Click. You ARE getting a week at a spa after all this, aren't you?
Posted by: Pippa | April 19, 2011 at 01:47 PM