My fever broke and yesterday was the first day I didn't walk around with a low grade head buzz, just enough to make me feel shittier but not enough to force a tough gal like me into bed, fever. I am still sick, coughing until my core aches and my throat is raw, but now I am in less of a fog about it. Speaking of fog, where the hell did last week go? I have no idea.
I can't believe how sick I am.
The other thought I've had during this odyssey of illness is "I have failed at raising kids." I wrote about how the kids operated as usual as I coughed, sneezed and hacked my way through the preparation and distribution of their meals that it didn't seem to occur to anyone that I should not be taking care of them but should be taking care of me, by not taking care of them. I cancelled everything I typically do for myself last week. I cancelled the stretcher, called in sick to both weight loss contest workouts, skipped therapy, art class, monthly photo meeting, but I still got up every morning made their breakfast, packed their , lunches, and then offered after school snacks and home made dinners every night. I know part of it is my issue. I could have said "Here is the cash, call for takeout, I'm going to bed." But in a world where hopefully all three of my kids will be in healthy relationships one day I'd like them to be a little more thoughtful. I'd like to raise the kind of boys who say things like "Can I get you something?' or "You need to rest, what can I do to enable you to rest?"
Me and the kids are going to have a talk later.
My lofty goal for this afternoon is to edit and print a couple of photos. Did I tell you guys that the husband got me a new printer for chanukah? Thanks to pressure from the editor (I promised her I'd make her a couple of prints) and hand holding by my photo friend John my new printer is now up and running and I AM THRILLED about it. I don't know why I fear technology like I do. I have to pretend to be from a younger mind set generation and just jump right in. I honestly thought I would break my new printer. And It's not even like I go around breaking things. Oh yeah, with the exception of my last photo printer, that has been gathering dust since 2005, so , yeah, well, I'm not going to break this one.
Feel better soon, Click!
(As much as we wish for an ideal world, sometimes kids also just suck. I feel a bad mommy for even just writing that... but perhaps there's some sort of catharsis in admitting it to myself.)
Posted by: Pippa | February 05, 2011 at 06:31 PM
I really hope you feel better soon. It sounds as if you have had a really rough week.
Posted by: South Beach Steve | February 05, 2011 at 07:14 PM
Thank you, thank you, thank you...the prints are wonderful! The husband and son were most impressed...your prints make me look like I know what I am doing.
I'm glad my need pushed you to fire up the new printer, which is great and which you will use (so I don't feel too guilty). You sounded better, but still not well...so don't push too hard this week, give yourself time to recover!
Posted by: The Editor | February 07, 2011 at 07:07 AM