clickmom

napping tired

I can't believe I am still sick.  What ever this recent illness is, it has kicked my ass.  I went back to the posh club on Tuesday- but only because I had already missed two weight loss contest workouts.  I had to pause occasionally and just tell myself to breathe.  I went again on Thursday,  felt a little stronger, and actually kind of am thrilled with my weight loss contest trainer, she does all this stuff that bubbles used to do with me, and it is good!  Though, I was so dead tired wasted after working out that I actually came home and took a nap.  I knew falling asleep that I was going to fall hard, so I set my alarm.  And I was OUT.  So I went back again this morning and was going to plug away on the stair mill but some dude with a towel around his neck was hogging my machine, so I settled for running intervals.  I'm still hacking up big thick phlegm balls, and coughing through some post nasal drip, so running was a finger crossed stretch, but me and my mucousial lungs made it.  I was prepared to go for almost 20 minutes, but I had factored in the trainer being his usual 10 minutes late, and he was only 3 minutes late, so I got a 13 minute run in.  It was enough.  Then I lifted with the trainer for the first time in over 2 weeks.

Now I'm too wiped out to fix dinner.

Maybe I should get some B vitamins or something.

There is so much that I want to or have to do too.  I want to print some stuff.  I want to make some plates and run them off. I want to paint!  I signed up for a painting class and went to the 2nd one (3 have been cancelled due to SNOW)  the other day.  The instructor has no idea what my background is and she seemed so pleasantly surprised when I sketched out my still life with a sensible composition.  She kept saying "This is such a nice picture."  Little does this woman know I am all about the composition.  I'll show her.

But before I do anything I need to take a nap.   Because this thing has me dragging my butt on the ground.  And before I will actually admit to myself of my undeniable need to nap, kind of like my inner two year old, I will fight the napping tired for hours, even when my eyes are rolling back into my head and my hearing shuts off.  I'm really tired.

mega trim

Josh needed a flannel shirt for his role in the school play.  Today Evan saw Josh's no longer needed for the play  (the play was 2 weeks ago) shirt and decided that it was too soft not to be worn.  7 hours later Evan came home from school with a new appreciation and sudden urgent need for flannel.  Unfortunately there seems to have been a run on size medium super soft flannel shirts.  During Evan's search on multiple internet sites, he finally discovered one shirt that was available in size medium.  Unfortunately the color of that shirt was listed as razzleberry.   It wasn't meant to be.

Way back when I knew I was getting sick I stopped by the pharmacy for tissues with lotion.  I bought 4 boxes of tissues.  There are currently 1 1/2 boxes left. Yes, I blew through over two boxes of tissues.  But the volume of my over productive sinuses was nothing compared to what I blew today.  I have never in my life witnessed anything like that coming out of me.  I'm hoping someone stashed a partially crystalized- semi chewed somewhat stale quite colorific gummy bear in my right nostril last night, but somehow I doubt it.

I'm still coughing and I didn't make it to the posh club today.  I thought long and hard about going to the posh club, even considering just going in for a refreshing sauna, but in the end I just didn't have the energy.  Also, I still haven't felt like I am making a total inhale yet.  How can I climb on a piece of cardio equipment without the benefit of air?  Tomorrow is the posh club weight loss contest.  I'll show up for that since I missed both sessions last week.  Now I have to do some make up classes for those two sessions and probably also for the two sessions that got snowed out.  Yeesh.  I'm not a class kind of girl.  I hope I can make it through tomorrow.

Also, tomorrow I am getting a haircut for the first time since last June.  It's long overdue.  Josh's school asked the kids to grow their hair out and donate it to wig making charity.  Josh wanted to do it and I told him I'd do it too.  Long time readers will know that I have done this a couple of times before and that the last 6 months of grow out make me miserable.   I had way more hair on my head the last 2 times.   I have not been feeling good about my scraggly hair.   When we were in utopia for that party a few weeks ago the sentry (who had had a couple too many drinks) mentioned my long hair and when I told her the reason she said that they didn't want my old hair, they wanted Josh's nice hair, and that was all I needed to hear.  I won't do anything drastic tomorrow, I'm just going for a mega trim.

print able

My fever broke and yesterday was the first day I didn't walk around with a low grade head buzz, just enough to make me feel shittier but not enough to force a tough gal like me into bed, fever.  I am still sick, coughing until my core aches and my throat is raw, but now I am in less of a fog about it.  Speaking of fog, where the hell did last week go?  I have no idea.  

I can't believe how sick I am.

The other thought I've had during this odyssey of illness is "I have failed at raising kids."  I wrote about how the kids operated as usual as I coughed, sneezed and hacked my way through the preparation and distribution of their meals that it didn't seem to occur to anyone that I should not be taking care of them but should be taking care of me, by not taking care of them.  I cancelled everything I typically do for myself last week.  I cancelled the stretcher, called in sick to both weight loss contest workouts, skipped therapy, art class, monthly photo meeting, but I still got up every morning made their breakfast, packed their , lunches, and then offered after school snacks and home made dinners every night.  I know part of it is my issue.  I could have said "Here is the cash, call for takeout, I'm going to bed."  But in a world where hopefully all three of my kids will be in healthy relationships one day I'd like them to be a little more thoughtful.  I'd like to raise the kind of boys who say things like "Can I get you something?' or "You need to rest, what can I do to enable you to rest?"

Me and the kids are going to have a talk later.

My lofty goal for this afternoon is to edit and print a couple of photos.  Did I tell you guys that the husband got me a new printer for chanukah?  Thanks to pressure from the editor (I promised her I'd make her a couple of prints) and hand holding by my photo friend John my new printer is now up and running and I AM THRILLED about it.  I don't know why I fear technology like I do.  I have to pretend to be from a younger mind set generation and just jump right in.  I honestly thought I would break my new printer.  And It's not even like I go around breaking things.  Oh yeah, with the exception of my last photo printer, that has been gathering dust since 2005, so , yeah, well, I'm not going to break this one.

 

 

I wish I was a bird

not believing

Feeling pretty sure that this upper respiratory distress I've been in hell with enjoying  is morphing into (my achilles heel) pneumonia, I paid a visit to the good doc yesterday.  He said my lungs sounded clear.  I think he just couldn't hear it yet. This morning my cough has ratcheted itself up a notch or two and I feel like I am going to cough the linings of my lungs out with each episode.  I'm pretty sure I am going to end up back in his office tomorrow afternoon.  He did give me a shot of something homeopathic which he said would work enough for me to notice within a couple of hours of it was the flu, which is what he thought it was.  I tried to will myself into a placebo effect, not believing that this is at all flu related (not a single body ache since onset) but to no avail.  The good doc did send me home with another dose of whatever he shot me up with so I could give myself another dose today, but I think I am going to pass, since it did not do a thing for what ails me yesterday.

I feel like crap.

It is time like these that I wish I had a daughter.  The men of this house (including my current house guest the homeless and trying to tie up loose ends so he can go back to his native country photo friend John)  seem somewhat oblivious to my current condition.  I am baffled by this, especially in lieu of the fact that every other sentence out of my mouth for the past 72 hours has been "I can't believe how sick I am."  Not only do the men of my house allow me to lounge in their breathing space but they don't even blink when I prepare their meals,  they even request that I prepare their meals.  I'm thinking that if I saw me in my current condition cooking food, I'd put me to bed and run to the nearest phone and order some takeout.  Seriously?  Hair, salmonella, e. coli and all, take out still seems like a much safer choice right now.

I can't believe how sick I am.

Grandma would have been 99 today.  I was thinking about her in the shower this morning as I tried to steam some of the mucus out of my face.  I was thinking how grandma's spirit outlived her body and her brain.  Those last few years were so tough and pain ridden.  Dying was a blessing for her.  I still miss her.  It's not the confused grandma of the last few years of her life that I miss, but the fierce loving grandma of my first 40 or so years of life.  

I can't believe how sick I am.

I am missing another weight loss contest workout at the posh club right now.  If I turn out to pneumonia I will have to withdraw from the contest.  Too bad, because this trainer was growing on me.  We talked one day and I was looking forward to doing her stuff.  Oh well.  Life right?  You can never get too attached to the maps you lay out for yourself because you never know.  We have to redraw those maps all the time.  And we hate to do those revisions! 

I can't believe how sick I am.

Now I am just stalling because I don't want to get up.  I told myself that I would finally hook up the printed the husband got me for chanukah today.  I just wish I could breathe.

Have you heard about that tiger mom book?  Isn't it kind of comical how we mothers draw all of these lines in the sand over the parenting stuff that we do?  Why do we think there is one right answer for anything?   If this chick wants to parent her kids like a high security prison guard,  it has no reflection on me and my kids.  Yes her kids will leave the nest with good grades and musical skills but does that make them more prepared for the real world?  Maybe, maybe not.   Some kids need that kind of parenting and some kids would wither away under that kind of regime.  Whoopee.  Who cares?   What is all the hoopla about?

I can't believe how sick I am.

Okay, now I am getting up for real because my sweats have been replaced by chills and I need my fuzzy slippers.  

 

 

A long time

A long time ago (22 years ago today to be exact) I met this guy from a personal ad.  It was the new exciting hi-tech kind of personal ad from the 80's. Back then high-tech in personal ads meant once you read and selected the printed ad which appealed to you in your news paper, you got to call a voice mail number for the ad, hear a message from the ad placer and then leave your own message.  So on the heels of a devastating breakup, and looking for a way to waste some time one day, I answered a single ad from a guy who was looking for a smart pretty jewish woman looking to have fun in the city.  I told that ad placer's voice mail machine that we must be meant for each other.  The ad placer, much to my surprise,  called me back a few days later, and I agreed to meet him for lunch because, having had a co-worker who had serial personal ad dated I had heard my fair share of hilarious loser personal ad date stories and I figured I'd get my own personal hilarious story to tell my friends who were more than likely getting tired of hearing me cry and whine about the breakup.

So, on February 2nd 1989, which was an unusually warm day for February, it was in the low 70's and breezy.  It was a gorgeous day.   I met the guy from the ad down town at this place called Odeon.  I got there early and wandered around just taking in the warm air and letting the breeze blow my hair around.  I headed for the restaurant with my  "You'll know me by my magenta wool coat" folded over my arm a few minutes early to brush my hair, but I saw the unmistakably tall personal ad stranger walking in right before me.   He spotted me and my tangled web of hair right  inside the door.  We had a three hour lunch.  

I had an omelette and he had a burger.  We chatted non stop the whole time.  I was impressed that he was able to take a three hour lunch.  I had all the time in the world, I was unemployed.  I could tell he had lied about his height in his ad.  He wrote that he was 6'5".  I could tell that he was taller.  He admitted he was 6'6 1/2" and said he thought 6'5  " was more socially acceptable.  At the end of our three hour lunch he walked me to subway. I was going uptown to Bloomies to get grandma a birthday gift.  I remember turning to him once we got to the subway and saying I was glad to meet him and telling him he should call me.

Once on the practically deserted train, I realized the two other train riders were smiling strangely at me.  Then I realized they were smiling at me because I was grinning ear to ear.  Instead of meeting the pizza faced jabba the hut I had imagined the personal ad placer to be, I had met a smooth skinned seemingly nice guy.  In a couple of weeks me and the personal ad placer will be having our 20th wedding anniversary.

 

cough cough sneeze

When I catch the bastard who made me sick I am going to choke him.

Sunday night it hit me like a tons of bricks- sore throat, stuffy nose, chills, aches and pains.  I tried to go to the posh club yesterday, and thankfully the stretcher spaced on me and didn't show up.  I didn't have the energy.  Today I called in sick to the weight loss contest workout, and I've pretty much spent the last 7 hours since dropping the kids off to school wondering how to stay awake long enough so that I can go to bed on the early side, but not so early that I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I've had a refreshing nap.  I would have liked a little nappy poo today, but I am so afraid of sleeping through the whole day and never waking up in time for stuff.  

Which never really happened, because religious school was cancelled due to bad road conditions since it's been icing and slushing all day here.  I had the evening car pool so technically I wasn't going to see Josh until 6PM anyway, but there was a good chance that I could have slept that long and something tells me that if Matt and Evan came home from school and I was passed out in my bed sleeping the two of them would just carry on and I could sleep forever, like Sleeping Beauty, until 3AM that is, because it seems like 3AM is my new favorite time to startle wake and not be able to fall back to sleep.  Have I mentioned how much I adore getting older?

Also, we are in store for another possible storm.  The neighbor told me we can expect 8 inches of snow tomorrow, but according to weatherbug it is going to be mostly sleet and freezing rain.  Anyone who tells me they love winter is going to get a slap! 

Also, I was wondering if anyone knows if it is possible that a house covered in icicles could make an icicle related sound that sounds kind of like there is a single goose lying wounded on the roof weakly honking out for help.  Because if icicles can't make that sound, then hold me I'm scared.