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smidge

This is wrong.

What a day!  We had almost 2 feet of snow here in stepford.  After clearing off both my truck and Matt's little (not snow friendly) vehicle (which he will not be driving until the roads are NAKED) just in time for the driveway plow guy to push all of the snow that I raked off the vehicles onto 5 foot tall piles of fluffy white goodness surrounding my driveway, and making it resemble a big white boxing bouncy house, I returned to the not windy safety of my cozy designed just for me stepford den and here I sat for the rest of the day, pretty much rising only to prepare sustenance for the children.

Speaking of sustenance .... you know that cooking strike I so desperately want to go on?  I am thinking of less harsh ways of running out on my cooking slave designation, and came up with the brilliant idea of stocking the freezer with frozen prepared food (you know, the quality kind) that the kids can microwave or toast or something and that way they won't get sick on an all pizza/chinese diet.  I need a cooking break.

Speaking of, have I mentioned that I am having another get together on New Years?  This is my vow: I WILL NOT ENTERTAIN IF WE GO TO UTOPIA DURING THE FEBRUARY/PRESIDENT'S DAY BREAK.

Hold on to your seats folks, I did a smidgeon of cleaning today.  Naturally, it was the garage, which no one ever sees, but still there is a giant bag of trash waiting for the next trash pick up.  Next goal: Josh's room.  It's a major disaster.

Snowy

I woke up in utopia today.  We were scheduled to come home for a few mid winter break days tomorrow, but I decided to make a dash for stepford before the storm and cross my fingers that I would beat the snow.  My timing was perfect, traffic cut us some slack, and I got back in stepford in time to drop the kids and bear bait off at the house and make a dash for whole foods too.  Pretty much as soon as I unloaded the groceries from the truck the snow went from a lovely playful light swirling gentle snow shower to RUN FOR COVER SNOW.  This was fine with me, as a matter of fact, I pretty much said (at least a dozen times) on the way home that it better snow 2 feet because I left utopia a day early.  So, thanks mother nature.  You came through for me.  

Once I was safe and sound in the house I started to weird myself out thinking about how comfortable and cozy I am in this great space that I had a hand in designing and picked out every tile and outlet and door knob for.  I looked out the kitchen window (see photo) and thought about how I gaze out the kitchen window every storm and other times too (my sink faces it and I like to watch the squirrels frolic) and how even if I take the same table and chairs and put them outside another kitchen window it just won't be the same.

Yeah, I'm excited about new town, it has so much potential, but folks, the fact is that somehow I got incredibly comfortable here in stepford.  I guess 13+ years in one spot will do that to a girl.  Also, a great big over the budget renovation.  Also, I have a great bedroom because it used to be the actual attic on our split level house, and now it is a big honking bedroom and I like that bedroom.  As a matter of fact, it is such a great space that last week when Josh's car pool buddy came to my house with a splinter in his butt (a whole other story) and I took the kid up to my room for his butt exposing privacy and also because that is where the tweezer is and when we walked into my bedroom the 9 year old kid said "Wow, this a great space."  I wanted to cry.

I don't want to get used a new space.  I want to move the space I already have.  And a few friends too.  I should be able to relocate my inner circle.  Right?  I guess the big move is becoming a reality, and now that the new year is here, we are thinking of actually going to go to some open houses and not just virtual stalking the houses on a myriad of real estate web sites.  It's becoming more real and therefore less theoretical and more scary.  Hold me.

storm in progress

Wow, in the hour since I snapped this picture there is way more snow.  Must update.

Oscar

When Matt was a baby I had this awesome dog named Oscar. Before kids, like every other dog owner who doesn't have a clue what they are saying, I used to joke that Oscar was my baby and preparing me for motherhood.  (Like I could toss a bowl if kibble down and go out for the day leaving my kid behind!)  Because we were still living in the city back then, Matt and I spent a couple of hours every day walking Oscar, and I always joked that Oscar was Matt's big brother.  The first time Matt ever seriously cracked up it was one day in the park when Matt was in an outward facing baby carrier, and Oscar came running towards us with a squeaky toy in his mouth that was squeaking with every dog step he took.  Once Matt learned to crawl, he used to pick up his toys in his mouth and crawl around the apartment like that.  It was right at that very moment (well, after I grabbed the camera and documented it!) that I knew I had to teach Matt how to be the human.

Sushi slippers that I don't need

xmas eve

Merry Christmas to my readers who celebrate!  For the rest of us, meet you at the chinese restaurant!  

I had lake friends over for dinner.  Dinner for 15!  Why do I do this to myself?

moon

If you happen to eat a nice home made salad with a double serving of anchovies (because you just love anchovies)  and then pass out dead cold for a couple of hours because you got up with your kids in the middle of the night to admire the very special lunar eclipse on a winter solstice that won't happen again in your lifetime you will wake up with an incredible lost int he desert like thirst like you have never experienced before.

Speaking of the lunar eclipse, WOW.  That was cool.  Too bad it had to happen in the middle of the night.  Luckily, after gazing out the window at the big gorgeous burnt orange moon  the kids were able to fall right back to sleep.  I, on the other hand lied awake for over an hour wishing I was asleep.  I think I need a heavier blanket.  Hence, my spectacular ability to sleep smack in the middle of the day today.  Tonight I'm piling another blanket onto my bed.  I'm going on the assumption that warmer is good.  And since I took a two and a half hour nap this afternoon, I just might prime for bed with some chamomile tea or some other sleep inducing herb based infusion.  (As opposed to the never ingested percosets that sit on my bathroom sink in case of another grand mal gall bladder attack) 

Funny thing about that moon last night.  It didn't even occur to me to photograph it until I was standing in the window.  Then I realized my camera battery was completely dead and I didn't really care.  I just figured someone else would take a really good photo and I wasn't going to do anything with mine anyway.  Weird huh?  I better charge that battery up because it's been way too long since I went out shooting and I feel some creativity brewing! 

celebrating (mostly)

On Thursday Matt and I had this whole conversation about how he never ever runs any where ever.  You'll need to know that a few paragraphs down.

So, this how the whole college search went.  First I was in a total panic because so many people told me that boys are the worst about applying to college and don't know what they want and that the moms end up doing all the research while dragging their uninterested unenthusiastic sometimes protesting sons from college to college.  I took Matt to the bookstore and bought a couple of college guides.  Before I got them out of the bag, Matt disappeared into his room with the guides and soon emerged with lists and maps and spread sheets.  This was going to be easy!   When there was a vacation or long weekend Matt and I would jump into the car and go see a college or two or four.  I took him to see about 10 different schools.  Mostly Matt figured out what he didn't want in a college.  He didn't want a big college, a city college, etc ....  He also honed in on what he did want.  So the more colleges we saw, the more Matt honed his list until he had a nice selection of funky small liberal arts colleges.  Unfortunately my pleas of staying within driving distance of home (or new town) fell on deaf ears, and Matt (who has occasionally mentioned wearing sandals 12 months a year as a life goal) selected schools in places like Minnesota and Iowa.  

PFFFTTT!!!  Har dee har har.

He also chose one school in Ohio. Ohio was less of an insane choice distance (and weather) wise so I stepped aside and permitted the husband fly off to Ohio with Matt to check out that school without me.  Not taking Matt to see that school was my weak/lame/understated silent protest.  Guess which school Matt fell in love with on the spot?

Naturally.

He applied to that Ohio school early decision, which means they sent out their letters of acceptance on Dec 15. 

Which is why on Saturday Dec. 18th, Matt and I were standing by the living room window just maybe watching for the mailman to come driving up the street, and when the mailman came Matt was out the door in a flash and then he actually RAN from the mailbox back to the house, so I knew there was something from the first choice Ohio school, and it was not a small envelope, which makes what is in the envelope even more promising, and then Matt ripped it open and from over his shoulder I could (damn!  No reading glasses!) make out the first word CONGRATULATIONS and I screamed, only Matt wasn't sure why I was screaming.  Then he figured out my screaming and he screamed and we jumped up and down, and hugged each other, and cried and some of my tears were because I was so happy that Matt got accepted by his dream school and some of my tears were because Matt's dream is school is in Ohio.  To me Ohio may as well be Minnesota, and also because, seriously?  Matt's moving out?  

Just when did I give approval for that?

So, (deep sigh denoting mixed bag of emotions) next August Matt will be going to Oberlin.  I hope they know how damned lucky they are to get my kid.

adios chocolate

Obviously Saturday is a better update day choice for me.  I'm not going to even mention the word late anymore.  Here is my update Steve! 

One of the blogs I glance at now and then is Pippa's Porch.  Today I left this message for Pippa:

You are stronger than you think.  Also, why not refuse to allow the weight to get in the way of anything else?  I think you are like me and might be treading water waiting to resolve the weight issue before moving forward somewhere else.  How about disregarding the weight and taking care of the rest and seeing what happens?  My new state of mind (at least where I am trying to get myself)  is working more on weight acceptance than change.   I think fighting (and losing) the battle of the bulge all of the time has prevented me from being as present as I would like to be in my life.

And I really mean it. Along with some other stuff that I am hoping didn't sound too stalkerish.   I am not going to pay attention to what I weigh for a while.  I'm sticking the scale in the closet and just going to keep on moving forward, with health in my mind, I'll continue kicking butt at the posh club,  but not focusing on scale weight or pants size or body fat and see what happens.  Obviously, I still need to tweak what I put in my mouth for health's sake.   I have to say bye bye to chocolate for gall bladder's sake.

I had another gall bladder attack last night.  There was chocolate gluten and dairy free muffin earlier int he day.   The attack was mild one, so mild, that I knew it was happening for at least an hour before I went to bed  (due to the referred back pain), went to bed anyway,  and the attack woke me up around 1 AM but I was able to get myself back to sleep by shifting positions and not lying on my front and when I woke up again a few hours later it was finished.  I do possess the ability to sleep deep though.  I call it sleeping hard.  I sleep hard.  I can wake up in the morning and there could be trees down, chaos and rioting and I would have no idea what happened.  Or on other nights when sleeping hard is not happening for me the husband could  toe twitch and I am wide awake and scrolling through my vast knowledge of every single episode of CSI to try to formulate some kind of strategy in which I kill him in his sleep (must stop the toe twitching once and for all!) and not go to jail.  But they always catch the murderer, so the husband, he lives to see another day.

Exercise was stellar this week, there was no substantial cleaning and as far as diet goes, there was much dried fruit and therefore some weight gain.  But recalling my earlier promise, me and the scale are taking a break, so I will only be able to tell you which pants zip up for a while.

reality

It's college application season and Matt has applied to 3 colleges so far.  He applied the THE ONE HE WANTS THE MOST  early decision, which means if they accept him he will withdraw any other pending applications and go to that college.  It's supposed to be binding.  He applied to the other two colleges, early action (EA), which just means the colleges tell you if you are accepted in the first round of acceptances and all of these colleges are supposed to let us know by the 15th.  Except I keep hearing from other people who have heard from their kid's chosen schools.  I was starting to get worried that we hadn't heard anything.  Then today a big old envelope showed up from one of the EA colleges (not THE ONE) and they want Matt.

Matt's reaction was relief and big smiles.  I burst into tears with the reality that my baby really is leaving the nest.