clickmom

WTH me? WTH?

I did a 58 minute run this morning.  That's 10 minutes more than my usual, and much farther.  Somehow I just ended up going way past where I usually turn around at the half way mark.  Then (since I am using a timed run) I kept running for a few more minutes.  But I have to say, there was anxiety happening, even though I planned to run past the halfway mark, and I knew I was going to do it, I felt so out of control.  So I decided on a house number as my goal, and I ran to a certain house number and then I did a 180 and made my way back.  Ofcouse I did my run in to the hilly left of the driveway. There were hills going and hills coming back.  Once I got back to my humble utopian abode I actually could have done more running, so I ran right up to my front porch and only stopped once I couldn't run another step and still be outdoors.  I think I am going to try the 6 1/2 mile loop around the lake Friday morning.  I'm ready.  Also because I ran about 4 hilly miles today and that is the whole hilly portion of my around the lake run, the last 2+ miles will be flattish, so even if I'm completely beat, they'll be, well I was going to say easy, but 4 miles into the run I'd say they'll be less difficult.  The one thing I do think I will have to do differently is bring beverages, maybe even some energy drink or something.  I'll have to swing by the utopian health food store and see what they have that could be an option for me.

I came home, kicked the kids outside and attempted to do my Jillian kettle bells BUT the freaking Jillian DVD that came with the Jillian kettlebell was so damaged that my computer couldn't even muster an image off of it.  Damn you stupid DVD packer who put the DVD UNDERNEATH the 20 kettlebell!!   WTH???  I grabbed that kettlebell anyway and did some of the moves I did with NEWT or the stretcher at the posh club and then I grabbed some of the free weights I have lying around the house (which are kind of light weight wimpy at this point) and did some other stuff with them.  I can't believe how much I miss weights.  I'm having free weight withdrawal.  The problem is that weights are not cheap and I need a variety of different weights to duplicate what I do at the posh club.  I'm thinking TRX bands.  Even though I am not a fan of body weight using exercises, (another hang up I need to overcome, I know, I know, it wasn't so long ago that I was petrified of running)   I know it is the next area I need to conquer.

And then after such a good morning full of effort I mixed myself up a nice protein smoothie,  (goat kefir or hemp milk, almond butter, egg white powder, and some kind of fruit)  and inhaled it.  I don't think those protein smoothies satisfy.  I need to rethink them.  When I think about it, I haven't lost a pound since I started using them, but I do notice less soreness and better recovery time after a hard workout.  

The kids were swimming and I kept telling them they had to get out of the lake at the first hint of thunder.  Then there was a teeny rumble far away and the kids all hopped out but I wanted to stay in for the evening.  I made myself get out.  If I thought there was a chance I'd get hit by lightening and end up psychic I'd tie a key to a kite string right now, but with my luck, I'd end up a electro magnetic vegetable instead.

And then, this evening,  I did something really really dumb.  I opened a bag of kettle corn for the kids who were hanging out at my house, except none of the kids really wanted it, so I ate the whole bag.  I had sweet and salty popcorn for dinner. Did I mention what corn does to me?  Not to mention the carbs??  Now I have a three day dull headache to look forward to.  WTH me??  WTH?

s l o w m o t i o n d a y

Today started in that slow motion kind of way when you do a thing or two and can't figure out how the whole morning disappeared.  I guess the thing or two that I did this morning was every dish, pot and pan I cooked with this weekend.  It was not the smallest task.

Josh and I made our way to the post office (the one I ran right past yesterday!) in our sloth like manner and then the day really picked up when I got mail from both Matt and Evan.  I was so happy. It was like getting called down on the Price Is Right.  Matt thanked me for the packages, said they were hilarious (mission accomplished!) and that he is having a great time and doing a lot with his CIT apprenticeship.  Evan's post card said that all the girls in his age group had crushes on him (no surprise there, my baby is gorgeous) and that he does have a girl friend.  He said he chose his girlfriend because they have the most in common (OMG OMG My kid listens to me!!) and also because she is hot (Okaaaay ..... back to reality).  Evan also said my candy hiding packages were "genius." (Fist pump!  I tried so hard!)  He especially liked the hidden candy in the emptied out deodorant canister.

Josh and I went to the bookstore and got him some books, then we went to the sporting goods store and got me a kettlebell.  I have some reservations abotu the kettlebell because it is a Jillian Michaels kettlebell with sliding weights.  It can be adjusted upt o 20 pounds.  I have doubts that 20 pounds is going to be enough, but the problem I am running into is that all the kettlebells I've seen in the stores have really thick hard to hold handles, and I am not going to buy those.  The kettle bells at the posh club have thinner holdable handles.  I want that kind! Jillian's is holdable.  I did a few tricks with it when I got it home and I don't like the shifting plates, but I can handle it's shiftiness if it's heavy enough.  We'll see.

Josh also came with me on my weekly Whole Foods run.  I am so happy to be getting quality foods this summer.  I don't even barely mind the 45 minute haul to get there.

When Josh and I got home we vegged and vegged and vegged some more.  Then I pryed myself off of my butt and watered my upside down garden (strawberries, peppers, eggplant, and cucumbers all growing upside down), made dinner and Josh and I plopped down in front of the television and got another surprise.  Matt called!   He really didn't want to say much, only wanted to hear what was going on with us. Which makes no sense, since I am the one writing all of the letters.  But Matt did say that my packages were so entertaining that his whole bunk gathers around to watch him open it.  Now I have another challenge for the summer.  I have to top that packages that I have already sent!  

Goal for tomorrow:  an even longer run than the other day in the hilly left direction.  Then: KETTLEBELLS.  Jillian's kettlebells came with a DVD.  Please Jillian, hurt me!!  I want to be sore!  I'm having fantasy dreams about the posh club.

In the mean time, I got a lovely pink purse that I won from Leslie at willswimagain.  It is one of the things that I wanted to show you in photo form except typepad won't let me!!  Grrrr!!!   I wanted to thank Leslie, and tell all of you that it could not have come at a better time since someone (hello Josh) got something (prime suspect: lemon sorbet) on my favorite leather purse and I am not sure if the purse can be resuscitated.  If you see a tired looking woman moving in slow motion with a dazzling hand knit pink wool purse over her shoulder, then go tell Leslie how awesome her purse is.  Thanks, Leslie! 

running anticipation

I did do that run I said I was going to do this morning.  I ended up running for 52 minutes today.   I didn't think I had done such a demanding run, but once I finished my run I caught of glimpse of my face in a mirror and it was so red it was purple.

I ran from the lake to the town and the husband and Josh met me there with the truck and beverages.  We did a little (drenched in sweat) shopping.  It was interesting running through the town and seeing other runners check me out from the other side of the street.  There were more young guys running than I see around the lake.  Around the lake it's mostly women in my own age bracket with an occasional dude here or there.  

To the right out of my driveway is hilly and to the left is flat-ish (for just over 2 miles).  The first summer I got myself off the couch (summer of 2005 - it's all in the archives- when Peanut called and told me to sign up for that first triathlon.) I only went to the flat-ish right.  I biked to the right and back and I walked (no running for me back then) to the right and back.  The day I wanted to bike for 11 straight miles I went out to the right and back again 3 times, just to avoid the hills to the left.   

This summer I surely would have gone to the flat-ish right again (it's the lazy athlete in me)  and then my energizer bunny type utopian friend who runs every single day before kayaking or gardening for the next couple of hours, mentioned that she always runs to the hilly left because she couldn't fathom why anyone would go to the flat-ish right.  She runs for results, so taking the more challenging route was a real no brainer to her. I've been guilted into doing my usual runs to the hilly left and I actually enjoy the hills.  The hills help with the interval part of my workout.  It's a natural intense section of my run.   I can't wait to run around the lake.  Once I do it, I know I am going to want to do it all of the time.  I might do it this week.  I figure if from my driveway I go to the hilly left, then I can enjoy the flatness of the right for the last 2 miles of my loop around the lake 6 1/2 mile run.  

Since running doesn't seem to be an issue for me I am planning on running every weekend and one day during the week.  (I try not to run more than twice a week because of the knees)  Also, I am missing my free weights, so I am going to incorporate some TRX bands into my workouts.  I keep telling myself I can always make the hike over to the sporting goods store and buy some free weights.  I also want to pick up some open water goggles and start doing some serious lake swimming.  I haven't mentioned that I hurt my shoulder the last time I did an evening boxing class (back in stepford)  and I went to town on the hanging bag.  It's finally feeling better, so I feel good about starting to swim now.

These days of stalled weight loss it's all about the food for me.  I have a few food issues brewing, first there is an overabundance of fruit (I mean serious overabundance), then there is the issue of consumption volume and lastly there has been a pretty consistent PMS monthly binge week happening here which requires another week to get back on my feet from.  I gotta stop with the PMS bingeing.  

mouse turds

I did not walk the devil this morning due to an awesome downpour with rolling thunder and lightening.  Thunder over the lake is even more exciting than thunder anywhere else I've been because over the lake it echos and echos and echos.  It's like a big thunder multiple org@sm and it goes on and on.  I love to listen to it.  This morning I sat on the front porch and just listened and also felt the floor tremble and then the bench tremble and then my legs tremble.  It was SWEET! 

Then we decided to take Josh to the movies, and naturally 4 other lake kids tagged along and I realized that I wasn't going to have time to do Insanity and I just didn't really give a rats @ss if I did it or not.

I think I am fighting a little bad association in utopia.  I feel pretty down.  

Let me recap for new readers.  Two years ago my mother died 2 weeks before I ended up in utopia for the summer.  When I got back from mom's funeral I found out that grandma had MRSA.  Dad came to utopia and spent the last 6 weeks of the summer here.  Every other week I'd make the pilgrimage home to see grandma writhing in pain because they would never give her enough morphine, and then I'd grab a large coffee and make the 2 1/2 hour trip back here to be with dad and Josh.  Grandma died 2 months after mom when I was on the road on my way to see her.  We had the funeral the very next day, dad said he was too sick to come, so the husband just brought the kids and I came back to utopia for another 2 weeks or so before going back to stepford.  Then last summer dad was planning on coming back and he was going to do it better and bring his own car, so he could have some freedom to take himself to the off track betting center every week and go to town for the paper and stuff.  I was looking forward to me and the boys to have a chance to spend more time with dad.  Without mom around dad was very interested in the kids and had wonderful thoughtful conversations with them.  And then dad (kind of) suddenly died in March.  

I still haven't cleaned out the couple of drawers of towels and sheets (mostly) that dad ended up leaving here in anticipation of coming back.  I was going to bite the bullet and take those sheets out of the drawers the other day when a bunch of mouse turds fell out of them.  I looked around the room for other mouse turds but there weren't any, and this leaves me to believe that the turds were there when dad crammed the sheets into the drawers.  Now, the way the sheets ended up in my house in the first place, is because mom and dad used to rent someone's ski condo in Vermont over the summers and mom thought that the place needed her magic decorating touch so she ended up with her own brightly colored towels and sheets and even a box of bric a brac that mom would embellish the bare bones rental with summer after summer. The nice condo owners would store mom's boxes of stuff for her through the winter.  Dad asked someone to mail the stuff to him.  My folks were so blind sided by the whole terminal cancer thing that despite the surgeries and chemo and even mom'd eventual kidney failure in their wildest dreams they never thought that they wouldn't end up back in that rental condo together for another summer.  

Also, I think about grandma a lot when I'm here.  Maybe it's using some old cooking utensil of hers, or maybe it's just that she would have loooooved this place.  I even find myself talking like her when I'm here.  I do things like call the devil "girlie"  Yes, I stick my head out the door and say "Come here, girlie" and the devil comes, because it's my voice calling her, but in my head I think to myself "Girlie?  Am I suddenly in my 90's?  Maybe I should unfold a sheet of clear plastic and carefully tie it around my beauty parlor hair"

All that and it is just too hard for me to do my things with people around and when the husband is around Insanity is just not going to happen.  Because of this, tomorrow I am going to wake up and run.  Running is good because no one watches me run, well maybe people see me on the street but no one watches.  So my plan for the weekends through the summer is to wake up early and run.  Oh shit.  I just realized it is almost midnight here.  Change of plan: wake up not exactly early and run.  And before the summer os over and am absolutely going to run around the whole entire lake.  That I promise myself.  Maybe even sooner rather than later.

mission acomplished

I did it.

I ran for 47 minutes, and then completed the second real exercise day of Insanity.  But check this out, y'all.... (little shauny loves to say y'all)  Little Shauny was calling some impostor girl who was most definitely NOT the original twilight vampire/mermaid from yesterday Ariel.  I think he has no idea what the names of his "crew" members are.  Shauny!  Shame on you!  At least my girl Tania was still there.  Go Tania!  Don't let those wimpy weakling girls block your shot girlfriend!  You rock.  And so do I. Because I did the DVD after running.   I think my Insanity DVD name will be Vivien.  I could be a Viv, don't you think?

I also went out for a short kayak this afternoon, but I don't think the kayaking really counts as exercise.  It's way too easy.  

I miss weight lifting.  It's strange.  I know. I miss the posh club too.  But not so much the posh club as it is the weight room.  I just miss that strong feeling of hauling gigantic dumbbells around.  It's so satisfying.  

I'm eating too much, but blaming it on TOM.  I always have an excuse.  I'm getting bored with my own excuses.   I'll pull it together this weekend and be clean by Monday.  That's just how I roll.

Tomorrow (here comes the part where if I type it then I I HAVE to do it)  I am going to start the day with a nice long hike with the dog. (weather permitting)  Then I am going to return home to do the next day of Insanity DVD.  Hopefully I can also get in some swimming later in the day.

surrendering to Little Shauny

Something is off with my body clock and I am going to force it back into reality time starting tomorrow.  Every day I wake up, drag myself out of bed, drag myself around lamely doing stuff and when have been perking up?  Around 4 in the afternoon!  Then at night?  I don't want to go to bed.  Grrrr.

PLAN OF ACTION:  Tomorrow I am setting my alarm for 6:30- hopping out of bed, putting on my running clothes and going for a 45+ minute run.  When I get home?  INSANITY!  I will not to a dish, sweep a room, dust a bookshelf, fold a load of laundry, I will not clean or organize things to avoid the Insanity!! (guess what I did today)  I will embrace the Insanity with a big thankful hug of whip my ass into shape gratitude.

I did manage the Insanity last night (at 6PM) and it was HARD but in a GOOD way.  I was at least thankful that in the Insanity DVD the participants were struggling too.  Not that agist me didn't notice right off the bat that I could be the mother of everyone on that DVD.  And the reward for my extra dollop of life experience is being allowed to call them by pet names.  The dude that runs the show calls himself Shaun T.  Hahaha.  He tries to be all tough guy but when I look at him I see exactly what he looked like in kindergarten (adorable), so I'm calling him Little Shauny.  

Now, even though I did the first DVD three times in nervous anticipation of starting the program, I think it doesn't count because it was only the fitness test, which. let me tell you is hard enough to count.  There are only two players besides Little Shauny on the fitness DVD and one is Tania.  I think I have bonded with Tania.  (she's also adorable)  Really, she could be the only one working out with Little Shauny on every other DVD and I wouldn't even blink, even though for a second I was quite sure there was a Twilight Vampire working out in the back row of the day one DVD.  For real!   This girl totally sparkled!  But then Little Shauny made the rounds and talked to her and he called her by her Mermaid name, Ariel, and I realized that Mermaids are probably kind of sparkly too, what with all the BP oil filtering the light rays into the ocean and all .......  She does have on seaweed green boy shorts.  It's a clue! 

Anyway, one of the photos I've been unable to post is me drenched in sweat after the real Insanity DVD.  I'm sure tomorrow will be another good workout.

I tried to stay on the dock shooting the sunset tonight but I was swarmed by killer mosquitos who had no problem biting me through my clothes.  Anyone know where I can get a cheap bee keeper hat and either a space suit or at least a pair of thick canvas parachute pants?  Seriously?  The sound of those nasty buggers in my ears was enough to drive me mad.

Okay, if I am sticking to tomorrow's plan then I am hitting the hay early for what has become my ritual lie there with my eyes open hour of the day.  I'd take a benadryl for both the 800 mosquito bites and it's ability to put me in a temporary coma if I thought I would be able to wake up clear headed in the morning but I would more likely be extra pathetic and that does not lend itself to pulling myself up by the boot straps and getting back on plan.  Also, I gotta eat better.  I am the queen of excuses people.  I want off this plateau!  Also, getting tired of hearing myself thinking all of the lame ass whiny girl excuses! 

incomplete

I have so much to share with you internet, but due to lack of phone signal I can't upload some accompanying photos to my intended post of the evening, and I have decided to withhold all photo embellished news until I can share with pictures!

I can tell you however, that I made the long seemingly endless trek to the nearest (civilization) Whole Foods with a utopian friend this morning.  I think that between the surprisingly not at all shabby utopian health food store and a weekly trek to WF, I will be able to make it (organically- mostly) through the summer.  At least I know I won't have to (heaven forbid) run out of egg white protein powder, because what would a girl do without her protein powder?!?  I apologize in advance for the bigger hole in our ozone layer my weekly WF trek is likely to cause.  You should know that I intend on atoning for driving Sylvia for the rest of my able to drive life I promise to choose conscientiously (once I drive her into the ground that is).

In other news, Josh lost a tooth today and after I carefully tucked it into his new pillow pal, he asked me if the tooth fairy was real.  FREEZE!!!  He didn't just come out and say that because Josh does not come out and say anything directly, he said something about his child mind believing and his sane mind not thinking it could be true and I had no idea what the right answer was. OMG OMG OMG WHAT DO I DO NOW????   I teared up because (I always tear up, DUH!) seriously? I didn't think for one moment he still really believed in the tooth fairy! How sweet is that?  sniff sniff sniff.  I mean, we told him Santa was a fake when he was 2!  I didn't know what to say!  If only I could rewind time and slip out of the room before he asked!  I figured I had to give him the truth.  I said the tooth fairy wasn't really real and I asked him what he thought and he said thought it was me, so I said that the tooth fairy is kind of real because I am real and then I changed the subject and I know all about how evolved his character is in his Spore game.  I don't have a baby anymore.

Summer

honesty

The truth: I spent every minute of today dreading the Insanity challenge.  I dreaded the faux smiley energy of the background exercisers and I dreaded all the freaking bouncing.  I have a sports bra shortage, well, technically I have a sports bra shortage if I don't do laundry every other day, which I don't, and amazingly, all of my old sports bras are so roomy on me now that there are empty pockets of space above my boobage that serves as bounce room if I do insane activity which happens to be quite bouncerific.  

I blew off Insanity until after dinner, and then Josh talked me into an after dinner swim, and then I was going to do it right away, but Josh wanted to hang with his friends for the final hour of the day and I couldn't find my car keys and he couldn't find his glasses, which all led to Josh having an over tired melt down and then admitting that he just wanted to go to bed, and me not even being ready to go into the room where I have decided to do the whole insanity torture and then once I got in here, and I did the warm up I decided that the pain of my bouncing premenstrual tender boobs was overwhelming and also that I had chosen a bad room because this room has carpet and I didn't like jogging in place and doing high kicks and "the heisman" on carpet, and also, I didn't want to get worked out and sweaty at 9:30 at night so I am posting instead.  

I know.  I totally wimped out.  The strange thing is that all of a sudden, I am here, in my favorite place in the world and all my exercise motivation went right out the door. I just want to hang out.   Also, my one knee hurts like a S.O.B. and my shoulder too.  I know when I hurt my shoulder it was during boxing one Thursday night when I went to down on the bag.  I was having some kind of anger transference to the bag and I punched so hard the punch reverberated right back up to my left shoulder and it hasn't been the same since.  In the end it's not like I did nothing today, I did go out kayaking for an hour and a half this morning, but kayaking is so easy.  It didn't feel like much of a workout.  Maybe I can get an extra resistance paddle or duct tape some weights to the ends or something.

My plan is to hit the hay early tonight and wake up and do TWO days worth of Insanity so that I stay on schedule.  

Happy birthday USA

I was trying to post a fireworks photo last night, but as you already know, utopia is so perfect there is spotty (at best) cell phone coverage here.  We got two nights of fireworks, one on the third and then again last night on the fourth.  One of my lake neighbors had such nice fireworks that I am certain there were a team of professionals over there setting them off.  I have a lucky view.  Maybe next year I'll plan my own Fourth of July party.

I ran this morning.  I set out without the devil (feeling guilty about it too) for a 45 minute run (she can't run that long), but then I was feeling so fine (minus the stabbing knee pain which at this stage of the game is so expected I just recognize it and ignore it) that I ran 4 of the 5 minutes through my "cool down" walk, so I ended up running for 49 minutes instead.  By the time I rounded my own driveway I could feel my face was burning hot and red as a beet and see the ring of sweat around my neck.  All very satisfying.

I drank an egg white protein smoothie and plan on finding time to do the day 1 of the Insanity challenge later on which is the fitness test that I have done two preemptive rounds of.  Today would start my first official day of being on the program. There is only one exercise that I ended up not entirely able to do in that fitness test, but I managed a modified version of it.  They call it "suicide jumps" which I find somewhat annoying.  I mean, imagine if my life had been touched by someone's suicide?  That would then be a very insensitive name.  But I get what they are going for, with the Insanity and Suicide, it's all a macho tough guy language.   Which doesn't entirely work for me, in the end it actually functions as a turn off for me.  I don't want to be Insane.  I want to be stronger and leaner and healthier.  I think the language is geared for a different generation.  The generation where 'bad" means good and "phat" is a word.

One more annoying thing about the Insanity challenge... In the fitness test there are two participants performing the fitness test while the Insanity creator supervises.  The two participants have just completed the 60 trial and are comparing their performance numbers (it is a series of very challenging timed exercises)  to the numbers they scored before completing the program.  My beef is this: Wouldn't I score better on any exercise under the sun after engaging in that exercise for 2 months?  Doesn't that kind of go without saying?  There is no Insanity fitness miracle going on there.  I'm going to do the program anyway, I just needed to get that little piece of consumer awareness off of my chest.