clickmom

Face the Music Friday 3/19/10

After doing the 204 flights of stairs on the stair mill this morning (in just under 70 minutes, I might add)  I worked out with NEWT.  A workout with NEWT is always a killer workout, and I always admit to NEWT that I could probably push, pull, lift, swing a heavier weight, so I really maxed out today.  Then I pretty much spent the rest of the day wishing I could take a nap.  I am w.o.r.n  o.u.t people.  I am sitting here wondering how the people on Biggest Loser work out 6 hours a day.  Someone tell me how.  Are they drinking a magic elixir of some sort?  Cocaine?  What is the deal??  I want that kind of energy.  Maybe after the chelation ... right?

Speaking of chelation ... I decided to go with the good docs method.  Today is my first heavy dosing day.  Except I went in the kitchen to take my night time dose and got distracted and now I can't remember if I took it or not.  Damn my fuddled brain.  We'll see how I feel tomorrow.  And the next day.  I'm not going to take more tonight.  I think I took it.  You know, this just figures.  I need a nurse.

Two more days til my opening reception and I realized today that my plan to go and put the finishing touches on the height my photos tomorrow was not going to work because the building won't be open tomorrow.  Ooops.  I guess it's going to be a last minute dash for me.  As usual.  I am the queen of last minute everything.

I'm doing a weird cough thing tonight.  I am giving it three options of origin.  1. there is a slight chance it is the very beginning of hay fever 2. I caught what ever side lined Evan earlier this week, because he is still coughing and always manages to conveniently cough on my beverage or dinner plate and 3. The husband has had some kind of dry hacking cough for a couple of months now.  It's pretty fun making fun of him because sometimes he can barely get three words out before cough talking the next word or two.  The timing kind of sucks here with the combination of mega chelation and opening all in the same weekend.

Hahaha, I forgot the reason why I started this post!  I wanted to do another Face The Music Friday even though there are no contests running right now.  I figured I had some steam going and I would just go with it.  I fully prepared to see a gain on the scale this week because of my pretty crappy eating, but much to my surprise, I saw another loss.  The chiro thinks that letting go of some metals will allow me to let go of fat my body was holding onto to keep the metal situation in check.  Whatever the reason, I am psyched!  What a great motivator.  Since 1/1 I am down 23 pounds.  Exercise was good, and I really think that the stair mill turns up the heat in me like nothing else.  I am checked out on printing. Once my show was all printed I kind of mentally went somewhere else when it comes to printing.  Not that I'm not half mentally checked out on some kind of heavy metal induced lala land vacation anyway, but I did manage to pul it together for a few weeks there to get everything done before my return trip to where ever I go- in my head or not.  I feel like I could very contentedly stare at the wall for 15 hours a day.  Lalala.

GOAL ATTAINED

gets me every time

I keep seeing this on different web sites around the internet and every time I see it I laugh so hard that tears roll down my cheeks.  The husband doesn't think it's funny at all. 

I spoke to the chiro about his slow but steady chelation therapy theory vs the good doc's  tough it out and take a break over and over again style, and the chiro thinks that while the good doc's version might ultimately get the job done faster, it might also be too harsh, exaggerating my symptoms and even raising the amount of toxic metals due to releasing them from where they are stored in my bones and fat before lowering them throughout my person.  I opted to try out the good doc's chelation model for the one and only reason that it seems like it will be the fastest (if least comfortable) vehicle to non toxicity.  

I think the one thing I am feeling these days is tired (but less foggy) , so I am heading to bed where I will wrap my mind around the whole mega dose thing.  I'm actually giddy at the possibility of a huge heavy metal chelating dose doing some good for me.

There is a small chance that tomorrow I am going to attempt the big 200 flights of stairs challenge.  The only reason I hesitate is that I will be aiming for cardio before a workout with NEWT, and since a workout with NEWT means an hour of functional exercising which all incorporate some kind of squat or lunge, I'm thinking maybe a better day for the 200 flight personal challenge might be a day when NEWT is not in the picture.  Let's see how I feel in the morning.

more tests in

I got my urine toxic metal screening results back.  High levels of mercury, lead, and almost too high levels of cesium.  Damn.  I knew I shouldn't have been licking that atomic clock.  Cesium?  Come on now!  The good doc recommends a much stronger dosage of chelation.  I told the chiro about the docs recommendation and he thinks the strong dosage would make me sick.  Hmmm... who to believe, the dude with the magic vials of stuff that look like cocaine, or the dude with all the impressive diplomas...  This is going to be a tough one.  I'll discuss the chiro's point of view with him tomorrow.

In the mean time, my bedroom happens to be in what used to be the attic. My windows face south and I refuse to put the air conditioning on in March.  The weather?  Nice but scary!  Looks like it might be a long hot night.  And tomorrow .... I'm not sure I am psychologically ready for the return of daily t-shirts.  I always feel so naked the first week or so of the yearly return of t-shirts.  I am however ready to forgo sicks for a nice long summer season.  I hate socks.  Not necessarily my own socks, but I hate my kid's socks.  I hate washing them, sorting them and wondering how many of them the dog has buried in the back yard, since Evan and Josh started this school year with a combined total of 36 pairs of socks and they are currently down to about 7 pairs.  I wish I could set up a video camera for the day the next owner goes to dig up the yard and finds enough socks to warm the feet of an entire community of sad sockless third world people.  Oh the stories they are going to tell!  Almost as colorful as the ones I tell about the owners before us who I believe were mobsters.   (Hint one: panic buttons tied to the alarm system in every single room  Hint two:  The husband showed me where I should hide my cash)   

Four days until my opening!   Yay!

Show is up and a skeleton from my closet

Despite Evan being home from school for the second day in a row I did make it to the frame store/gallery to pick up my awesome photos and I did get to the gallery to hang them.  I worked out an arrangement to hang the photos, but didn't stay long enough to get each photo to the perfect height.  After being out all morning I felt like I should get home to sickie Evan and not totally ignore him the entire day.  So I came home, unevenly hung photos left for tomorrow, where I managed a 12 minute conversation with Evan before passing out on the couch.  I was tired.  For some strange reason that I can't blame totally on the stupidity of day light savings time (THERE IS NOT AN EXTRA HOUR OF DAY LIGHT WHEN YOU WAKE UP AT 6AM!!!!!! )  I have been having trouble getting to bed at a decent hour.

My big news of the day is that I had a bit of a breakthrough in therapy today.  I forced myself to focus on the weight issue (from which I am so easily sidetracked by a million or so other things) and I discussed this blog post I read by prettywoman.  In this blog post prettywoman writes an obituary for the person she was before taking control of her life and health.  It was dated two years ago.  She posted before and after photos.  It made me think.  I thought about the changing my life thing and maybe even changing myself thing and what I might be so afraid of.  Who do I think I might become?  What's wrong with who I am now (other than the unhealthy weight)?  I thought about the fear that is holding me back, and the bottom line is I am afraid of being vulnerable.  Big admission here:

Sit down.

 I was sexually abused by my biological father as a child.  (This is NOT the guy I call DAD.  This biological father is no longer part of my life.)  As a kid I was terrified of becoming a woman because I couldn't imagine how much worse things would get if my bio-father looked at me and saw a woman instead of a child.  Luckily it was around that same time that I as a kid I broke off all communication with my bio-father for an entirely other reason.  I didn't see him from the time I was about 10 until I was 16.  During my 16 year old visit my then step mother did not leave me alone with him for a single second.  And then I only saw him a couple of more times before telling him he was dead to me.  And it isn't all men I fear, somehow there is this connection between looking like a woman and this crazy irrational fear that my bio-father is coming for me.  I wish he was dead. I really do.  Him dying would be like me not holding my breath for the first time in decades.  But then I realized that what would be one thousand times better than him dying would be for me to be in a mental place where he couldn't possibly have any effect on me.  And that is where I am going to get myself.  I'm not going to let myself be distracted by anything.  That is where I need to be so that I can spend my future being all that I can be.  My new new undead therapist thinks I am already heading in that direction.  I said "okay."

tomorrow I run

Every time I hear some one say anything about an extra hour of daylight I want to stab them in the head with an ice pick.  Waking up in the dark this morning was dreadful.  I hate waking up in the dark.  I hate changing the clock.  

I get to pick up my framed photos tomorrow!  Obviously this means that in order to have enough room in my ruck for 24 framed photos I will have a quick AM frenzied cleaning out of my truck's rear compartment after I drop the kids off.  Oh, did I say kids?  Hahahaha, silly me, I meant 2/3 of the kids.  Because in my house, the week isn't complete unless someone besides me has a rash/the pukes/the runs/sniffling/sneezing/stuffy head/fever (I get no rest) and this week the winner is EVAN!  On Saturday I thought his yearly 6 weeks of hay fever hell was beginning, by Sunday I realized it was a whopper of a head cold, and this morning a fever of 101!  

So, tomorrow I will being 2 of my 3 children to school, make the third child as comfortable as possible, before I run far far away from his special form of contagious  head to the frame store/gallery and new new undead therapist (Hey, I have to get there for the photos, I might as well sit down and discuss my lackluster dieting efforts of this week) load up with photos, and drive to the gallery to HANG!  Yay yay yay.

The rain is supposed to be over by tomorrow (please!) so I am hoping that I can also squeeze in a run.  Instead of my usual 30+ minute runs I think I am going to go for 45 minute runs.  I am starting to crave a run.  (shaking head in bewildered disbelief)  I am a person who craves a run?  WTH?

I don't know.  About the run ...... I'm under the impression that 30 minutes of interval running is supposed to be more physically valuable, in terms of both calorie burn and cardio vascular benefit, than 30 minutes of straight running, but I just never feel like I am doing enough.  I think I need more guidance, a more comprehensive plan, someone who will spell out every single move and every morsel of food for me.  I got way too friendly with some potato product today.  Now I have a tummy ache. 

Hopefully someone besides me will be there tomorrow and I'll get that someone to take a photo of me at the gallery.  Eeeek!  So excited.  Opening reception, Sunday.

178 flights of stairs

It was raining so hard yesterday that I decided to skip the posh club and conquer my home treadmill.  First it took me a while to figure out what the ids had done that prevented the speed from exceeding 1 MPH.  Then I  got all frustrated that I couldn't figure out a way to balance my lap top so I could watch TED videos (yes, I am hopelessly nerdy).  And then my foot started to hurt.  So I quit after about 15 minutes.  I needed a day off anyway.

So today, feeling as fresh and bright as someone who not only thinks that maybe the chelation therapy might be working but someone who also took a day off from exercising yesterday can feel, I put on my big clomping winter boots and did go to the posh club, where much to my delight no one was on the stair mill.  I set the stair mill for 60 minutes, figuring I would do some portion of the 60 minutes, but not necessarily the whole thing,  and I lost myself in Tool Academy (I know!  Tool Academy and TED Videos?  Tool Academy is absolutely fascinating!) and 60 minutes later, I HAD CLIMBED 178 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS!  Next time I'm gonna put in for 90 minutes and hit the 200 flight mark!    When I got off today I wondered why I didn't just go that far today, and then I remembered that the machine sped down to barely moving for a cool down. But not before the stair mill computer flashed GOAL ACHIEVED and man, did that message feel awesome.  I wished I had my iphone with me to take a photo.

I hopped in the car and got home as fas I could so I could show off my drenching sweatiness to the kids and husband.  Everyone pretended to be sufficiently impressed.  They finally learned.  It takes some people longer than others.  The real impressive sweatiness came when I took off my shirt and saw that there were only two little squinty dry spots on my bra.  I'm totally into sweating.  I like to imagine that all that freaking lead and arsenic is pouring out of me.  

Speaking of lead and arsenic, I feel a bit more clear headed this weekend.  I'm hoping that this is the good sign that says chelation therapy is working.  A person can't stay on chelation therapy too long because it robs you of nutrients as well as heavy metals, so I need it to work fast.  As in NOW.  TODAY!  Speaking of my health, more test results came in and it will be no surprise to anyone who ever asked me the question "Wanna go eat something?" that I am the proud owner of the maximum amount of leptin a girl can have and still be in the "normal" range.  No wonder I am always ready to chow down.  Frigging leptin.

I am so relieved that I am done with the photo printing and all I have to do is pick up my framed work and hang it in the gallery (Tuesday's mission).  Yay!

Thanks Steve! Face The Music Friday. 3/12/10

I'm actually quite sad that The Perfect 10 Challenge is over.  I don't usually consider myself much of joiner, but this time around I figured joining would help me stay accountable, which it did.  Joining also introduced me to some other weight loss/fitness minded bloggers who have "kept me company" with their writing, honesty, tips, trials and tribulations.  

The past 10 weeks have not been life's easiest 10 weeks for me.  First there was the trip to Florida for the unveiling ceremony for my parent's  (they died within 8 months of each other)  headstone.  Then there was all this life stuff.  I got sick.  I threw my back out.  The kids had a week long vacation from school, my entire family took turns puking their way through rotavirus in 2 day intervals, my anniversary went by basically unnoticed, as did Valentine's day and my birthday.  We were snowed in with over a foot of snowfall twice in February.  I never felt 100% healthy.  Some how I managed to print up 24 prints for my upcoming show and get them to the framer on time.  And then I heard the news that I have toxic levels of lead and arsenic in my blood.  Commence chelation therapy.   Still feel kind of crappy,  still waiting for other test results to come through.  

So 10 weeks later, despite it all, here I am!  Still standing!  Intact!   My weight is down 21 pounds, not the irrational 40lbs.  I had hoped I would lose.  After all, I am not on "the ranch" working out 6 hours a day, through it all, I not only took care of me, but my 3 hungry boy/men children and oh yeah,  a husband who eats and sleeps here occasionally.  

I managed to exercise like there was tomorrow when I wasn't sick/mourning/ injured/snowed in.  I have all sorts of shapely muscles showing through these days.  Mostly I exercised 6 days a week.  I really needed that one day a week off, but interesting enough, I always MISSED exercising on the day I didn't do it!  I aso felt iek I "took it easy" on a day when I only did cardio.  Now that the weather is turning I plan on doing a lot more outside running.  Luckily all that interval work on the treadmill all snowy cold winter kept me prepared for spring running and this week I have just walked out my door and gone running twice.  Yay for spring! 

Overall food was a mixed bag.  When it was good, I was awesome, when it was bad, I wasn't disastrous, just slacking off.  PMS throws me off more than I realized it does when I wasn't paying attention to what I ate.  I would gladly listen to any tips for minimizing those overwhelming PMS cravings.  My name is clickmom and I am a (dairy fee) chocoholic.

I fell into panic mode about the printing a couple of weeks ago, and thanks to my instructor who was able to meet me at the art center and print for a couple of extra hours here and there I got it all done!  I also (got lazy) decided to have the prints framed professionally, instead of ordering cheaper framing kits on line and doing it myself and I am thrilled I did.  The stuff looks better than I imagined it would.  As of yesterday afternoon, I have 24 completed prints.  My show will be full.  I also have more good news.  I sold three already! Just by having them on display at the frame store.  

And finally, my secret, something I'm not sure I have mentioned in my eternity of blogging.  When I was a kid if you had asked me a question like "which famous actress do you want to be ike when you grow up?" or "Who do you admire?"  Or anything about a hero, I would have told you Lucille Ball.  I thought that having the power to make people laugh, smile and be happy was the most awesome quality in the world a person could have.  I didn't want to be Farrah, or a super model, (they always looked kind of hungry to me anyway) and I didn't want to get hurt playing sports, (Billy Jean King?) I wanted to make people laugh.

 

So, let's hear a big round of applause for Steve!  Thanks for bringing us together and thanks for all of your encouragement and honesty and for setting a good example.  I know you have had your own personal hard month Steve.  In the end you were here for us through the good and the bad and I for one appreciate it.  Now can you do another one?  How about The Perfect 11-20?

As per your request

I swear the t-shirt shrunk!  But so did I.  You can tell because the sleeves are shorter.   Last installment can be seen here. I wasn't sure the progress would be noticeable.  Very happy.  Now I'm going for a run.

got the blehs

I've been totally depressed kind of down since going through this whole testing process to see why I have this vague feeling if not ever being well.  Some tests are in.  I started chelation therapy for my freakishly high lead and arsenic levels.  Arse-frigging-nic?????????   Le-uh-ad???????? 

My T.A. thinks this toxic whole heavy metal situation is so fascinating he said he is going to research it and figure out where my exposure came from.  I'm thinking another call to the psychic is in my near future.  Too mentally tired to do intense internet research.   I'm fighting and fighting the feeling of just wanting to go to bed and stay there until this is over.  Except going to bed isn't going to make that happen, is it?  

I'm so tired that I fell fast asleep for a few minutes sitting straight up in the sauna today. Luckily, some loud talking woman marched herself into the posh club ladies locker room and jolted me back to earth.  I had no idea where I was or why I was so sweaty for a couple of seconds.  

Yesterday I put off my run until I got quite mid day sleepy and then had to choose between my run and a nap.  I was heading towards the couch for the nap option when the devil spotted me and got all hopeful.  She just about broke my stone cold canine negligent heart, so I changed course, leashed up the beast, and did go for a 30 minute run.  I never regret choosing the exercise course of action.  

And since the devil managed to steal not one, but two huge loaves of deli fresh rye bread, among other things  this weekend, she needed to get outside and move her thick middle as much as I did.  Thankfully, the weather has taken a turn for the gorgeous and running outside is a reality this week.  I'm going to do it again tomorrow, because after tomorrow we are in for some rain, so I want to get my beloved outdoors running  in while I still can.  I was going to attempt to keep my new sneaks in fresh out of the box white condition as long as possible, but yesterday I made the foolish choice to unleash the devil and run over open spaces that weren't as dry as they appear.  Today my new sneaks are mud colored.  whoops.

I'm concentrating on my upcoming show, and now I have 20 good prints at the framer getting framed.  OMG.  I totally love my framer.  He is a person that every time I see him, I thank the universe for introducing me to him.  He is so encouraging and flattering about my work.  And he's just nice too.  I'm hoping to roll out a few more prints tomorrow.  I love my teacher as much as I do the framer, she's been helping me (photoshop impaired as I am ) edit.  I'm learning so much by watching her.  Also, I barely move, she does all the work on my photos. That's a good speed for me right now.   Maybe chelation therapy just brings out the affection in me.  Maybe I'm just so pooped right now I'd love anyone.  I'd really love someone to carry me up to bed. 

In April I am signed up for a photoshop class.  I took one years ago, but I wasn't ready back then, so I didn't practice what I learned and I forgot everything I learned.  Now I am ready.  I hope I am feeling clearer headed by April.  I don't like this at all.