clickmom

I'd have more photos of my kids if only they'd follow me everwhere I go too

I did a 25 minute run yesterday.  I did run for a couple of the warm down minutes.  I felt great, I really managed to lengthen my stride and keep my form for the majority of the run.  I noticed my heart rate was more elevated than usual and I was not the least bit affected by the bitter 22 degree day.  Why am I so afraid of getting out there in the cold?  I've been thinking about this whole fear thing I have around a lot of stuff and I realize that everything I don't do but should do is all about being afraid of something.  I don't think I need to spend any couch time figuring out what I am afraid of, but should instead just take a deep breath and push myself to do what ever it is I am fearing over.  Next fear to be conquered?  WEIGHT LOSS.

ready to go

Somewhere along the line my body weight shifted to a weight 20 pounds lower.  I don't know how it happened and still keep thinking I was going to regain that 20 except it hasn't happened yet.  Today I decided that I am never going to see that heavier weight again.  I'm done with the weight.  I'm over it.  I don't need it to hide behind, I don't need it to make excuses for myself, I don't need it to protect me, and I don't want it to hang on long enough to make me sick.  I still have my health (aside from living at the chiro for a potpourri of aches and pains) and I don't want to go down the road where I need cholesterol medicine and have diabetes and heart disease, and worse etc....

Now I have a plan for the next 3 months.  I stumbled upon this web site and am totally inspired by this woman's journey and attitude.  I am going to spend the next 3 months in the gym.  Really.  My goal is to exercise for 3-4 hours a day- 7 days a week for January February and March.  My hope is that I can drop 50 pounds in three months.  Seriously, I want to get rid of a big chunk of this blubber and fast.  I figure if I spend 2 hours in the gym every day and 2 hours on the treadmill in our playroom at home every night I will get to see the kids even more and get in some more exercise.  Don't tell me I'm crazy, I'm over being fat.  Just like that. 

Also, obviously I am going to watch what I eat, I have to figure out how I am going to handle the eating.  Obviously I have to watch the calories and the carbs.  I am going to spend the next couple of days ironing out the details in that.  I know how to eat, I just need to make a plan.

PS: I ran again today. (Two day sin a row!)  I ran yesterday (25 straight minutes) and didn't feel like I gave it my all.  Today I did a 25 straight minutes run again BUT this time every time a new song came on over my ipod I did a sprint until I couldn't sprint anymore.  When I got home I was red in the face and dripping wet.  Much more satisfying.  I paid attention to my form also.  I'm so getting there! 

I wanna run

I thought it stopped raining.  I was really rather excited since the heavier rains from last night had washed away all the snow that made it not possible for me to run.  I happily put on my running clothes and opened the door only to hear the pitter patter of the continuing rain.  I shut the door and said "Damn, damn, damn, damn!" and was not so disappointed that I didn't notice when a little voice inside my head snickered and pointed out that I was disappointed that I couldn't go for a run.  The rain is supposed to end soon, (please be right weather.com)  so I'll wait it out and see if it doesn't completely end in the next couple of hours.  We aren't rushing off to anywhere anyway.

food

I've been reading this woman's weight loss blog.  She very often pulls my strings, touches my chords, hits my nail on the head, what ever the expression.  She shares my issues, which is no surprise, there is some kind of universal truth that holds true to all people, according to me.  

Anyway, she was writing how off the wagon she fell this past week and I realized that I hadn't.  And to be honest, I was kind of surprised.  I made cheese fondue for xmas eve, the smell was heavenly and just looking at the gooey winey cheese had me negotiating with myself but in the end I decided that a taste would turn into more than a taste and that it wasn't worth the joint and abdominal pain and the congestion and the subsequent cravings. I also had the same chat with myself when I saw the mexican cheese and meat dip one friend brought over, the fresh baked bread, the good old fashioned cream of mushroom soup green bean casserole, (just like mom used to make), the spinach souffle, the chocolate fondue, and the two european mousse cakes that another friend brought.  I had the safe for me meat and the potatoes that I had prepared myself.  

Since the happiness of tasting goodies only lasts for a few minutes and the pain of them lasts for days, I can tell you that today I am relieved that I respected my physical self.  It's a big deal.  I always wished I had a protector.

devil and goose

 

I've got a goal

The Sentry came over for drinks before dinner last night and she told me that she had made a goal for herself for next summer. She wants to swim the 3-3 1/2 miles of the length of this lake.  I immediately volunteered to swim it with her and was thrilled with the idea of having a specific goal to work towards.  The Sentry thinks it will take her a few hours to swim that length of the lake, (slow swimmer or more realistic than me??) which I didn't quite realize when I signed on the dotted line, but in the end I am quite pleased that I will now be able to email The Sentry with my renewed swimming efforts at the new gym .... which I haven't exactly been going to.  New goal: swimming twice a week, starting at 30 minutes and working my way up to 1.5 hours of continuous swim (minus bathroom breaks).  I wonder if there is an iphone app for that.

I shopped yesterday - oy vey

You christmas celebrators are some crazy people.  Matt forgot his underwear and I forgot the garlic so we had to make two quick stops yesterday.  Holy cow!  The crowds, the chaos, the sales!  Matt and I grabbed and ran as fast as we could.  It was like we were running for our lives.  It was insane.

Then last night we had our utopian neighbors and Pal over for a pot luck Xmas eve dinner.  We all had such a good time that we decided to make it a new tradition.  I'm not much of a decorator, and I have no idea how to decorate for xmas, I thought about tossing some pine cones around because we are covered in pine cones here and then naturally and typically in the end I did zero decorating beyond sticking a few candles in the already placed candle sticks but the meat that I contributed to the meal came out awesome (thank you Whole Foods!) and we all ate a ton and drank a  ton and had a great time.

If you are a celebrator today HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS!  See you when the stores empty out!

Here is a photo of me with one of my Chanukah gifts to coast you into tomorrow.  In case you are not sure what it is, it is a neck massager for people who can't tell the difference between a neck massage and a neck vibrator.  Can you see the joy in my face?

 

my feet are cold too

My hands are freakishly dried out.  It came on slowly over the past week or so until I got to today where I feel like I have just peeled an orange and haven't washed the white pithy stuff off of my hands.  I even feel that way after lathering them with thick creamy moisturizer.  Naturally, I went on line and as usual I have every symptom of hypothyroidism.  As a matter of fact, I was going to post this photo that Peanut took of me and rant to you guys about what the heck was going with my puffy face:

 

Also, I looked down into the sink after brushing my hair this afternoon and couldn't figure out why there were all these little two inch pieces of hair in it.

Shit.

Here is a short list of the top symptoms: I thought I didn't have a hoarse voice but the husband tells me "maybe a little."  

Shit again.

• Fatigue
• Sluggishness
• Increased sensitivity to cold
• Constipation
• Pale, dry skin
• A puffy face
• Hoarse voice
• An elevated blood cholesterol level
• Unexplained weight gain
• Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness
• Pain, stiffness or swelling in your joints
• Muscle weakness
• Heavier than normal menstrual periods
• Brittle fingernails and hair
• Depression

just run

I ran again today (2 days in a row!) because I felt bad about not running on Sunday and I didn't want to get out of my current schedule.  I had a great run.  The iphone app had me scheduled for a 5 minute run, 3 minute walk, 8 minute run, 3 minute walk and 5 minute run.  I ran the second walk so that makes my total "running" time for today (5 plus 8 plus 3 plus 5) 21 minutes.  As I came down the home stretch I took notice of the sweat dripping down my face (out of my little running cap which is not at all flattering on my little pin head) and I was happy.  As I walked over the threshold into the house I thought to myself  "I feel great, I LOVE RUNNING!" and then I kind of looked around to see who said THAT and I saw myself in the front hall mirror.  So weird.

Then I quickly showered and drove over for my new new undead weekly therapy and since it's the holiday season I couldn't find parking right in front of the place, and had to walk a bit.  During the walk I could feel my thighs were still all pumped up.  I felt like if I looked down I would see two huge bulging front thighs ballooning out of the front of my legs.  Have I mentioned my deep seated fear of becoming totally muscle bound?  I think I am one of those women who could get pretty muscly.   But I'm going to whisk that fear right to the back of my brain and just keep on running.

it's the most hated day of the year

I decided this weekend that I was experiencing S.A.D.  Folks, I need sunshine.  I really really do.  Thankfully the suckingest shortest day of the year is over.  Miserable freaking day that today is.  Goodbye shortest rip-offingest day for an entire year.  No one likes you anyway!!

Tomorrow will better.  For next 6 months every day gets longer and longer.  Now that is something I can look forward to.

My ex-step mother, the woman who was married to my violent abusive in every way bio-father after my mother's turn at bat, died of breast cancer.  Bio-father and the ex-stepmother had two kids together.  I don't really know them but one did find me and lil sis and I friended her on facebook.  She's much younger than we are.  She's a baby.  She is in her 20's.  And now her mother is dead from cancer and I feel for her.  I have nothing against my ex-stepmother.  She tried to protect us.  But my abusive in every way bio-father is somehow my half sister's personal hero (which astounds me to no end) and I feel like I have to keep my distance from the half sister because the bio-father is one family tie that I am thankful I severed every day.  I'm all conflicted.

 I didn't run yesterday because of the snow situation.  I get all worried about slipping on black ice.  I did, however, run today!  I waited until the middle of the day to run in hopes of less frigid temps.  I wore a little too much due to my fear of freezing myself, but I was happy to sweat a lot.  It's so much more satisfying that way.  I ran the whole 20 minutes straight, no stopping, and I even threw in a few interval bursts when I noticed that I was doing that strange non extended running thing that I do.  Also, when the program told me to begin my 5 minute cool down I did a big all out run for the first minute instead.

I'm thinking of running again tomorrow to get back on my schedule.  For some reason tomorrow's run is broken up again into three separate running times.  I think it's 2 fives and an 8 minute.  In the end the total running time would be greater than today's 20.  Let's see how cold it will be in the AM.  Tonight's low is supposed to be 18 and I've already got this dry hacking cough after running in the low 30's.  At least I think my cough is from running.  Maybe I have cancer.  Just kidding.