Dear Matt
Today you turned 16. Well, you're not quite 16 to me yet because you were born at 1:20 in the afternoon so for a few more hours you are still 15 in my reluctant to let you grow up because ultimately you will move out of my house and that kind of makes me want to cry heart. It turns out that I didn't write a newsletter for your first through 191st months because, well, the internet wasn't really invented yet in the early years and then as it turns out, go figure but, I'm not dooce, but hey, better late than never right?
I can't believe you have been in my life for 16 years. It seems like just yesterday that I woke up from the general anesthesia wondering which of us had died during the botched surgical procedure (some people refer to as birth) which I was positive one of us wasn't going to make it out of alive, only to be presented with a little back-hairy pimply side burned cone headed wolf man puppy baby that I decided to and instinctively loved with the ferociousness of a mother tiger guarding her baby from a pack of hyenas despite his appearance.
You got cute fast and by 6 weeks were a clear skinned adorable completely hairless smiling little round headed ray of sunshine. (Except from 7-11 pm each night when you had the colic) I recall each passing week looking at you and thinking it was impossible to feel more love than the love I was currently feeling. And every week later I would I would marvel at just how wrong I had been the week before because each passing week later I loved you even deeper and stronger with a passion that I could never have imagined before I had felt it. It's about 840 weeks later and I can say that while the shock of how much I am capable of loving you has toned down a bit I can in all honesty declare that I still love you more with every passing day.
Recently you came across an old polaroid of you sitting in front of the electric keyboard we tried to give you piano lessons on when you were 7. You must have liked the fact that you were sitting in front of a piano, an instrument you have recently reinitiated lessons on, and you propped that polaroid of the short haired shinny little piano playing you-boy up on your book case. Other than his clear water gray blue eyes, this little kid bears little physical resemblance to the tall broad long haired man-boy that lives with me today. And those beautiful eyes are typically hard to spot under all of the dark brown curls.
Luckily for me, you are the kind of kid who cooperates when I tell you that I need to snap off a few pictures in order to write a sincere letter to you that sort of mocks this other blogger's sappy monthly newsletters to her own kid. And also, even though it looks like 99% of the time you are hiding behind that hair, you will almost always let me push it out of your eyes so I can peek at those peepers and marvel at your still young skin.
You were always a cooperative kid, you hopped in your stroller when it was time to leave the playground, and you went to school even though you were not thrilled by it. You "played nice" long before the other kids had gotten the hang of sharing or even taking turns and for that reason you were totally the most popular toddler in the neighborhood. As you grew up you always kept your even keel and your sweet charm and parents wanted you around their kids as the good calming influence you could be.
Eventually you chose your own friends though and you have a habit of choosing friends that you want to "help." You tend to choose friends that need guidance in behaving age appropriate, or need cheering up or simply need a friend. Once you told me that your friends chose you and not the other way around, and I can see why kids would gravitate towards you. You are still the same kind and gentle kid that used to try to put the diaphanous fallen flower petals back on the flowers as we walked the dog down the streets of Brooklyn. I just hope that your delicate friends have as much to offer you.
I think that your current group of friends do have something to offer you. I see them showing up to cheer you on (actions speak louder than words, it is more true every day, please remember that as you go through life) and hear you perform with your band. I know they call and text you and try to arrange gatherings. At least the girls do, and girls wanting to surround you and encourage you is a good sign. Even 16 year old girls recognize a quality guy when they see one.
And I do too. In the past year I have noticed how often I want to share the minutia of my own days with you or seek out your opinion on a photograph, and even, though this might not be the best idea, rant a bit about who ever is getting under my skin at the moment to you. And you always amaze me by coming back with a well thought out observation or comment or even some advice. And I see that you are becoming my friend as you are growing up and becoming this very fine man that you are becoming, who will always be my son, my baby, but is also on his way to being the kind of adult that makes this world a better place.
It's one thing to look at your boy and tell him he'll be a man one day, but it has been a much different experience to look at my boy and see him becoming a man. You are becoming a man who is everything I would toss into the mix if I could pull up a cauldron and create the best man ever. You are smart, thoughtful, funny (hilarious actually), you have a great warm smile and booming laugh, and a creative and sensitive soul, and even though I don't get the music you listen to, you sit down and write incredible lyrics and music and sing in your soothing lull-a-bye voice lovely little touching universal stories about your own broken heart, you enjoy entertaining little kids, you are courteous and polite to adults, and when I say I need your help you will pack up the car or carry something heavy or fetch your brother from school at 3 o'clock. Then you tell me you love me.
You are the real deal sweetie, and I love you. Happy 16th birthday even if we disagree because I insist you are but you don't agree that a boy can be sweet sixteen.
Love,
Mom
That was absolutely sweet. Clickmom, you made me cry!
i came by to see if you'd blogged about the show yesterday and got a real treat.
Happy Birthday Matt!!!
And CM - how was the show??
Posted by: Laura | March 30, 2009 at 01:13 PM
Imagine the work required to write a monthly letter for all of your child's life. I mean seriously....as the mother of a 16 year old who will be 17 later this year in November...I can think of ten thousand better ways to show your kid that you love them. These monthly letters professing love only seem to make sense once the child can actually work a computer and read. So it's best that you waited. It's hard to watch them turn into little men....isn't it?
Posted by: Kristy | March 30, 2009 at 04:28 PM
Happy Birthday Matt!!
Posted by: Molly | March 30, 2009 at 04:51 PM